Dark Horse
by brennan8319
Summary: Post S2 - Pre-S3. Alex is back in Litchfield and Kubra is out for blood. All the manipulations and lies aside, Vauseman is epic. But how will this life or death situation test their relationship? Where is the line when it comes to what each is willing to do to keep the other safe? Is there a line?
1. Chapter 1

**Blah blah disclaimer blah. Is it June 12** **th** **yet?**

* * *

 **Chapter one**

It was Sunday and the weather was starting to turn; fall had reached Litchfield. More and more inmates could be seen hulking under the heavy brown coats that were standard issue or at the very least donning a gray hoodie. The sight of someone's skin had become a rare treat confined to the shower rooms. Piper tried to think about the last time she touched someone's skin and the elusiveness of the memory she was trying to claw at left a sinking feeling in the pit of her stomach.

"Too hard," Alex winced and pulled away from her swabbing hand.

"Sorry," Piper said, finding herself back in the moment.

Alex recognized the far-off look on her ex's face, she had seen it more times than she could count; mostly when Piper didn't think she was looking. It was one of her favorite expressions – softening Piper's features to an almost dreamlike quality. Feeling herself drifting into the same blues Piper was clearly in, Alex snapped back. It was hardly the time for daydreaming. Still, she was glad she managed to save that face from Lolly's vengeance a few minutes ago.

"Thanks," she offered softly as Piper resumed swabbing her bruised cheek with cotton wool.

"Sure," Piper replied simply. "After all, this would've been my face if you hadn't jumped in when you did."

She stopped and let her hand fall into Alex's lap, holding her gaze the whole time, grateful to be touching another person and even more so that the person was Alex. Piper took a deep breath, reveling in the fact that since Alex returned to Litchfield she'd been able to breathe deeply. No more tension, no more knots in her stomach and most importantly, no more loneliness.

"Don't," Alex said, slowly returning Piper's hand to a safer spot away from her. "Don't make that face."

"What face?" Piper asked with feigned innocence.

"Piper I already told you…"

"I know what you told me, Alex and I think you're wrong."

"Is that so? You don't think that we're toxic, doomed to replay the same shitty mistakes over and over until one of us dies?"

"Why didn't you just let Lolly beat me up then? If you don't love me and so badly want to move on then…"

"Of course I love you, Pipes," Alex interrupted, her nonchalant admission silencing Piper instantly. "I never said I didn't."

"But…"

"I stuck up for you with that crazy bitch because I wanted to protect you. God knows I've fucked up in that department a few times. But if I can do it, I will. Because I love you."

A smile started playing on Piper's lips but Alex shook her head and shifted away from her, settling on the other end of the bunk they were both sitting on.

"No, I still stand by what I said. Piper…"

"It doesn't matter what you say Alex. Yeah we're doomed, doomed to always find our way back to each other. Like now."

"Like now? You ratted me out to my parole officer. That's not exactly destiny, Piper."

"I said I was sorry but I was scared okay. With you out there, not knowing whether you're alive or dead and that monster…"

"You think my being in Litchfield is keeping me safe from Kubra? Oh my god, how fucking clueless are you? Did you even play this out in your head before you picked up that phone?"

Piper sat back, tight-lipped. She came clean with Alex about how she ended up back in Litchfield, thinking that it would be endearing to her ex to realize just how much Piper was willing to do to keep her safe. Of course, she had her selfish reasons at the time for making that call but Alex didn't need to know about that. She was still dealing with her anger over being back and Piper knew the best plan was not to say anything to poke the dragon but somehow they found their way back there and the next best thing was to let Alex have her venting session and move on.

"I put everything on the line to get out of here, Piper. Now he knows… Kubra knows and I'm a sitting duck."

It was hardly the reunion Piper had imagined but she could see how pissed off Alex was. Pissed off and scared. She took her hand and held it tightly in an effort to ground her. She wanted Alex to see that now they were together, things would be okay.

"Hey, it's okay. We've all got your back in here. I don't think there's anything to…"

"You don't think? Do you have any idea what I'm dealing with here?"

"What we're dealing with."

"No, Piper," Alex said, pulling her hand back and shifting further away from her. "There is no 'we' in this. It's just me. It's always been just me."

"Always?"

"You mean you?" Alex said, finding it ever harder to control her rising anger. "How is Larry by the way?"

"That's not fair." Piper's response was flat.

"No, you throwing me aside like an old, used toy to go play happy yuppy marriage with Larry and then screwing me over by getting me thrown back in this hellhole when things with loverboy went south is not fair."

"Can we just talk without you being an ass?"

The change in Piper's demeanor softened Alex and she backed off, focusing a little too intently on her fingers in her lap. A sad smile crept slowly onto her face and when she looked up Piper saw her eyes were misted over.

"You don't get it. You never did," Alex said, biting her lower lip in an effort to keep the tears at bay. "That's why it's always been so easy for you to leave. But I can't deal with that now. I need to keep my shit together. Look out for myself."

"You think I'm not looking out for you? That I don't get it?" Piper wasn't sure if she was more hurt or angry.

"Keep your voice down."

"I wanted you to be safe," Piper persisted but lowered her voice to a whisper. "I'm sorry. I thought it was the right thing to do."

Alex shook her head in disbelief as she just looked at Piper, who shifted uncomfortably under her gaze. She was mad at herself for getting caught out in such a stupid way; ostracizing herself for throwing away her only good chance at a fresh start. Only to learn later that there was nothing serendipitous about her current situation, that it had been carefully orchestrated by the one person she thought she could trust.

"Whatever, it doesn't matter now anyway," Alex said eventually, her anger dissipating to resignation. "Whether I'm in here or out there, I'm not walking away from this. That's not how he operates."

"Don't say that," Piper said.

"When I pointed him out in that courtroom it was like signing my own death warrant. I know Kubra and he won't let this go until it's over."

Alex locked eyes with Piper and hearing her words, saw her own fear reflected in Piper's face. For the first time ever Alex found herself wishing for Piper to say something optimistic and dreamlike and naïve to help convince her that she was wrong but it didn't come. Instead she just stared back at here with a pitiful look on her face that made her stomach turn. That's when Alex knew that she had been right. She was living on borrowed time.

* * *

"Do you mind?" Stella asked, breakfast tray in hand.

Her sudden appearance made the rest of the table fall quiet instantly. Piper looked up at her, stunned to silence by the request. Stella Carlin was one of the new girls at Litchfield and mostly kept to herself since she arrived. Litchfield often saw those inmates, the ones who chose to get through their sentence without making any kind of connection with anybody.

Nicky looked around at the usual crew but neither of them gave any indication that they were about to answer the open question. She looked at Piper who was still frozen in her seat, looking a little puzzled and so took it upon herself to extend a friendly gesture.

"Go ahead," Nicky said and Sister Ingalls shifted a little to her right in response, making space for Stella between her and Yoga Jones.

"Thanks," Stella said and sat down.

An awkward silence fell over the table then as they tried to not stare at the new girl while she ate. Eventually, frustrated by the sudden shift in atmosphere Piper decided to say something.

"Have you been assigned to work duty yet?" she asked.

"Yeah, she's in electrical with us. Starts today," Nicky said, winking openly at Stella.

"Let the girl talk for herself," Morello interjected.

"You seem to know a lot about somebody you don't know, Nichols," Yoga Jones teased. She knew by the look on Nicky's face the day Stella arrived at Litchfield that she was marked as yet another conquest for the wild haired, sex crazed girl.

"You're Chapman," Stella said, ignoring everyone else.

"Yeah, what's it to you?" Piper replied, trying to sound tough but feeling a little uncomfortable under Stella's unwavering gaze.

There was no denying she was attractive but Piper wasn't sure how to deal with the attention. The fact that she might be enjoying it made it even more confusing for her. She hadn't cared about another woman's attention since meeting Alex more than a decade ago and that made processing Stella that much harder.

"It's good to know who you can and can't trust around here," Stella said plainly.

"And which category would I fall into?"

Stella smiled to herself and took a long, slow sip of her water, while everyone at the table watched rapt with anticipation, sensing the drama about to unfold and not wanting anything to disrupt it, not even their breathing.

"What do you think?" she said eventually, clearly enjoying putting Piper on edge.

"Who've you been talking to?" Piper asked, now really curious about Stella's perception of her and how it came about.

"Seems like her new bunkmate's been in a sharing mood," Nicky said.

"Who? Alex?"

"I told you to play nice with that one," Nicky went on. "The bite on that bitch is not to be fucked with."

"I've been playing nice," Piper replied indignant, the thought of Alex making everyone else at the table disappear in a blur of insignificance. "She told me she wanted space and I gave it to her. She wanted time and I haven't so much as looked in her direction." The more she spoke, the more worked up she became and Nicky just smiled in response, amused by how quickly Piper got riled up at the mention of her ex. "I mean, she's been sitting on her own over there this whole time and I barely noticed that she keeps looking over at me. Any other day I would've gone over there and talked to her, but I haven't. So clearly I've moved on," Piper finished, not realizing her contradictory statement and not noticing the knowing looks on her friends' faces. "I have!" she repeated off the stupid smile Nicky was giving her.

"Okay, okay, jesus," Nicky said, raising her hands in surrender. "Keep your panties on. I believe you."

She didn't though and Piper knew it. She didn't believe herself either. What was worse was that everyone else could see it. Stella included. She knew it was unlike Alex to open up to anyone and she was even more closed off since she got back to Litchfield. She was in a whole other mindset, convinced that Kubra was out to get her and that she had to keep her distance from anyone who might be paid off to do a job for him on the inside. But Stella seemed to know a bit too much to be guessed at. Could it be that Alex formed a connection with her out of desperation? Piper of all people knew that it was impossible to get through life in prison alone and maybe Alex felt safe confiding in her new bunkmate for the same reasons Piper felt driven to form relationships during her incarceration.

Stella was here though, not sitting with Alex. Come to think of it, she hadn't seen the two so much as share the same space let alone speak to each other since the new inmates were assigned to their bunks. Was their connection a secret then? And if so, why?

She watched Stella, who was getting through her breakfast without looking up, without another word, seemingly satisfied in the discord she caused. There was something about her that Piper didn't trust but she couldn't put her finger on it. There must be an agenda though, she was sure of it. Why had she decided to have her breakfast there that morning? Why had she provoked Piper the way she did? And why had she played in to the new girl's hand like an idiot?

"I don't want to be late on my first day," Stella said rising from the table. "And just so you know," she said to Piper, "she didn't tell me anything. She doesn't talk at all actually. I'm just really good at people. I see things…know things...and don't worry, your secret's safe with me," she ended and turned to leave.

"She's a little too intense for my taste, that one," Sister Ingalls said.

"You've been keeping secrets from me again, Chapman?" Nicky said, addressing the more obvious issue. "What is it?"

"Beats me," Piper replied as she watched Stella leave the cafeteria.

Yes, there was definitely something about her – something dangerous and dangerously provocative.

* * *

"It's good to see your face again," Piper said, trying to sound cheerful. The bruises on Alex's face were practically gone.

Tired of the distance that Alex was forcing between them and anxious about Stella's supposed involvement and probable meddling in what was none of her business, Piper decided to be more forceful about getting Alex to change her mind. She had timed her shower that morning to coincide with Alex's and found her applying eyeliner when she walked in. There was nobody else there yet and Piper was glad for it. Early risers in Litchfield were few and far between and that allowed them some rare alone time.

"It's like it never happened," Alex said, taking time to look away from the mirror and offer Piper a smile.

Her insides gave a jolt at the seemingly benign show of friendliness but Piper knew that it was a huge step in the right direction where Alex was concerned. She hadn't flat out ignored her and that was worlds better than where they were days ago. Piper found herself sweeping her gaze over Alex's towel-wrapped body, her eyes lingering on the little tucked in piece on her chest, her vivid memory filling in what was hidden underneath.

Alex was busying herself at the mirror again so didn't see the blatant undressing with eyes that was going on right next to her but she could feel Piper staring. A surge of warmth started up in her stomach and spread to the area between her thighs. There was no denying that her ex still had a strong effect on her. It was what she hated and loved about Piper. The woman drove her crazy. Alex set down her eyeliner and looked up to find Piper still staring, her lower lip clenched between her teeth as if they were the only things stopping her mouth from fulfilling the desire so clear in her eyes.

"Are you going to the movie tonight?" Piper asked, eventually filling the electric silence.

"Maybe," Alex responded, turning fully to face Piper head on and leaving barely an inch between them.

"Your new girlfriend going with you?" Piper asked, referring to Stella.

"New girlfriend?" Alex laughed loudly. "What are you talking about?"

"You know," Piper said coyly and took the edge of the towel between her fingers, playing absently with it while locking her gaze on Alex's.

"There's no new girlfriend."

"No?"

"Yeah, things were pretty fucked up with my old girlfriend and I'm just not ready for more drama," Alex said playfully.

For some inexplicable reason she was enjoying the banter that came so easily with Piper. For some reason, she couldn't remember why she needed to keep her distance. Piper had a way of doing that – making her forget everything. Making herself the centre of the universe. For some reason, Alex didn't mind. She edged closer to Piper, closing the little space between them. She felt Piper's hand slip under her towel, her fingers now tired of the edging and tracing a blazing trail on her bare skin as they found their way to her breast. A tiny gasp escaped her mouth as Piper's fingers made contact with what they were searching for.

"This old girlfriend of yours," Piper said, her voice low and thick with arousal. "Is she hot?"

Alex realized that there was no turning back from this. Her body was beyond her control the second Piper touched her. Her mind, well her mind stopped being hers whenever the blonde walked into the room. Distance was easy to achieve when there were physical barriers helping you keep away from the thing you mustn't be with. In here though, how the fuck was she supposed to say no to that mouth?

As if in response to the question in her head, Piper grazed her lips along the soft hollow spot on her neck. Alex felt her knees betray her a little and closed her eyes to drink in the sensation. This is it, she thought, the end of my resolve. Once again, I'm Piper's fool to do with as she pleases. Once again, I totally don't care. She took Piper's face in both her hands and lifted her mouth to hers. That first kiss, after so long, was hot and desperate. Their tongues searching urgently for that familiarity, that love that nobody – not even they – understood.

Piper felt Alex give in to her and she did a little victory dance in her head as she pressed herself against her, hating the barriers of the towel, her clothes…Who was Stella and what did she know? Piper leaned harder into Alex, kissing her deeper in a bid to expel thoughts of the new girl from her head. This was what was real and they were untouchable. She would make Alex see it too. As long as they had each other in this fucked up place, everything would be okay.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter Two**

Movie night always left the prison a little calmer and quieter and Alex was glad for it. Extricating herself from the social side of prison was hard and she knew her decision had rubbed a few people up the wrong way. But it was necessary now. She had to deal with this on her own. If Kubra had even the slightest idea that there were people around her that she cared about, they might become targets too.

Besides, being alone had other advantages – like being able to observe everyone from afar. She was particularly interested in the new inmates coming in every few weeks. Waiting and watching for suspicious behavior that might be a red flag. She knew it was coming, Kubra was going to get her one way or another but she wasn't going to make it easy for him.

Alex settled down in her bunk, enjoying the rare silence. With most of the inmates at the movie she felt a sense of freedom to relax. There was no one to watch out for, no conversations to strain to eavesdrop on in case they were talking about her, plotting against her. There was nothing. And it was perfect. A soft smile formed on her lips as she allowed her thoughts to drift to Piper.

Oitnb

"You saving this seat for Vause?" Nicky asked, flashing Piper a knowing smile.

"No, Alex has a headache and I don't know what you're smiling about."

"Right, sure you don't," Nicky said and sat down next to her. "You do know that you're a terrible liar, right?"

Several stern looks and _shhhing_ sounds came from inmates in and around there row. Nicky waved her middle finger in the general area but continued in a whisper.

"Why are you trying so hard to ignore me?" she asked.

"Shh," was Piper's best response.

Nicky was right – she was a terrible liar. Especially when it came to Alex, and she was finding it hard to keep their being back together a secret. It was obvious to everyone who knew her anyway and Piper didn't see what Alex was so paranoid about anyway. It had been weeks and there had been no sign that her life was in any kind of danger.

"Don't shush me, be a man and admit it."

"Admit what?" Piper turned to Nicky, putting on the best poker face she could manage.

"Admit that you and Vause are back in the sack. That's why you're all happy and chipper and always look like you just came like seventeen times."

Piper looked away as a smile sprang to her lips, one she couldn't control because Nicky was so right. She tried to focus on the movie, aware of Nicky smirking at her. Alex better be ready for this whole thing to blow wide open, she thought. Once Nicky was on a roll there was no holding her back.

Oitnb

After all her determination to break ties, she should've known that Piper would worm her way back in. It was what she was good at. Alex never could say no to her. She had allowed herself to be swept up by it and even though there was still a part of her that feared for Piper's safety, the feeling of having her back gave Alex comfort and strength she didn't know she wanted so badly. So her decision was a selfish one, like so many others she'd been guilty of in the past. It didn't bother her too much though; Piper was guilty of much the same. Alex's re-incarceration a huge case in point. Her fingers reached up to touch her lips. They were all over Piper not too long ago. God, being with her was mindblowing. Keeping it secret made the sex even hotter. It was the only condition Alex had – she wasn't prepared to come out with it and have Piper directly in the crosshairs. The thought started up in Alex's mind that her selfishness might have put Piper in the same position she found herself in but the sound of approaching footsteps intruded on her and she was forced to come back to the dank, cold bunk she started off in.

She listened hard to try and identify the footsteps. Having been there a while, Alex could tell the difference between certain inmates and guards by the way they walked. Not this time though. Suddenly the walking stopped and Alex opened her eyes to find a shadow standing next to her. She squinted to try and bring the face into focus but the lack of glasses and the darkness in the dorm made it virtually impossible. Instead she studied the shape of the person but it didn't ring any bells either. A feeling of unease started up inside her because if this was anyone she knew, they wouldn't be so damn creepy.

Oitnb

"What are you so goddamn antsy for?" Nicky finally asked in a huff. "There's an ear attached to the other end of this bud and your fidgeting is more than a little painful."

"Sorry, here," Piper said and handed Nicky her part of the ear buds they'd been sharing. "I'm going to check on Alex."

"I know your girlfriend's kinda kinky but she's definitely not into the whole smothering thing."

Piper, who was about to get up, stopped short and looked at Nicky. She had a point; Alex didn't like being mollycoddled. She just had this nagging feeling that she couldn't shake though.

"What, she's not going anywhere, is she? Come on, watch the movie. I'll even stop ragging you."

Piper took a second to think it over and then took the ear bud back. Maybe Alex's paranoia was starting to rub off on her. Maybe Nicky was right and she was being stupid. She just needed to forget everything for the next hour and enjoy the movie.

Oitnb

Alex quickly pushed herself up but before her feet could hit the floor a hard blow to her chest flung her back, the force sending her head crashing into the wall next to her bed. The blackness lit up with dazzling white stars and she doubled over, holding the back of her head. Strong hands closed around her wrists and as Alex fought to free herself, they lifted her head and in that split second she tried to get a look at her assailant. But it was only a split second because the strong hands used the momentum of the upward lift to swing her head back down. Where an excruciatingly hard knee was waiting.

Oitnb

"Do you smell that?" Piper whispered to Nicky, her face a tight grimace.

"You fart?"

"No, ugh, it's this… I don't know," Piper gagged. "I think I'm going to be sick."

"What? Chapman, there's no smell. What's your problem?"

More intense shhhing bounced around the room. Piper ripped the ear bud from her ear and leaned over, her head touching her knees.

"Hey, Piper, hey, are you okay?" she asked, rubbing her friend's back.

Piper sat up and took a deep breath.

"I just felt sick to my stomach all of a sudden. It felt like…"

"This is movie night not group therapy!" came Black Cindy's voice from the row behind them.

"Shut the fuck up. Can't you see she's not feeling well?" Nicky defended.

"Shut the fuck what now?" Black Cindy was on her feet in an instant.

"Hey! Sit the fuck down, inmate!" came the warning from one of the guards in the back and Black Cindy obeyed but not before giving Nicky the evil eye.

Nicky turned back to Piper who was staring straight ahead. She put her hand over Piper's that were wringing together in her lap.

"You okay?"

"I'll be fine," Piper answered.

"You're not pregnant are you?"

Piper laughed and relaxed a little. She still had that nagging sense that something was wrong but brushed it aside. Nicky offered her the ear bud again and she took it, determined to have another go at blocking out the world.

oitnb

The stars were gone now and the room was singing to Alex in a high-pitched ringing kind of voice. Without her eyes, the rest of her senses came together to paint the picture of what was happening in a way that made Alex think she must be dreaming. She heard her nose break on impact with the knee. She felt the warm blood start to pour over her lips and chin, then down her neck. The strong hands were in her hair now, keeping her from falling to the floor which was where she was headed after the blow to her face. The hands pulled up, hard and Alex felt her knees fighting it, forcing her down instead. The result was agony as her scalp screamed. Scream. The thought came to Alex but before she could open her mouth her feet was swept out under her and she landed hard on her back. A hand quickly moved to cover her mouth and the face she'd been trying to see was now so close Alex could only make out the white of the eyes.

"You say anything, she dies."

It didn't take Alex long to figure out who the voice was talking about. She trained her ears to try and identify the voice, thinking it was her best chance at guessing who the hell was on top of her. She bucked around a few times to force the person to speak again and it worked.

"You tell anyone, you try to make this harder than it has to be, she dies. You're going to die anyway so there's really no point."

The person was small, but strong. An inmate with short hair. Or hair that's tied up. Alex felt her eyes sting with hot tears, adding to the humiliation she was already feeling. It was hopeless. There was no getting away from it. The person was right, the least she could do was keep Piper safe.

As if hearing her thoughts the hand moved away from her mouth and Alex felt the weight of the inmate lift off her. The relief she felt was quickly replaced with the inability to breathe as a hard boot struck her in the stomach, forcing the air out of her lungs. Alex curled up, hugging herself and breaking into a coughing fit as she tried to get her breath back. Where the fuck are the guards? Where is anybody? A loud crack was followed by a shooting pain in her chest that gripped her like a vice. That same boot had just come down on her ribs. This time Alex cried out. There was no way she couldn't. In an instant the weight was on top of her again, her mouth at Alex's ear.

"By the way, Kubra says Hi."

Alex felt her insides twist and her blood run cold. Of course she knew it was coming but so soon? And now with the added threat to Piper… Alex held her breath as the weight lifted from her again, anticipating what would come next. But there was nothing except footsteps making a hasty getaway. She didn't dare move even after there was nothing but darkness and silence enveloping her. So this was his game... she should've known Kubra was the type of person who played with his food before eating. Alex pulled her knees up to her chest. Everything hurt. The tears were coming unabated albeit silently. The time had come. Everything she had ever done in her whole life had come to this. Being toyed with and beaten and eventually killed in a fucking prison. Then she thought of Piper… and stopped crying. She had to clean up. She had to get her shit together. Because of everything she'd fucked up in her life, she wasn't about to let the only good thing she had to show for it end up dead in a prison. Like her. She was planning on going out with the biggest fight of her life but now her plans had to change. To keep Piper safe she had to do things his way. The fight wasn't for her own life anymore. It was for Piper's.


	3. Chapter 3

_**I'm feeling the love from your reviews, thank you!**_

* * *

 **Chapter Three**

Piper was worried; she hadn't seen Alex all morning. After she didn't show up at breakfast, she'd checked the showers and her bunk but nothing.

"Listen," Nicky said, exasperated, "I've been following you around for fifteen minutes but if we don't get to the workshop we're both getting shots for being late. So if you're not coming, I'm leaving without you."

"It's just so weird," Piper said as she looked up and down the hallway. "Don't you think it's weird?"

"No, I don't. This is a prison – there are only so many places your girlfriend can be. She'll show up. Meanwhile we need to get our asses down to…"

"Yeah, yeah, okay," Piper said, finally giving in and fell in step next to Nicky she made her way outside.

There was a harsh chill in the air but that wasn't the reason for the sudden chill that crept down Piper's spine. She hugged her coat a bit tighter around her but the feeling of unease didn't abate. After the past few days of not being able to keep their hands off each other and having Alex around all the time, her sudden absence was strange to say the least.

"Hey!"

Piper turned to see Stella coming up behind them. She stopped and waited.

"Ah come on," Nicky complained. "You know what an ass Luschek can be."

"Hold on," Piper said to her and when Stella caught up, "Hey, have you seen Alex today?"

"Good morning to you too," she replied.

"She wasn't at breakfast and I checked her bunk but she wasn't there either," Piper continued.

"We'll file a missing persons report okay? How does that sound? But for now, let's move the fuck on already."

Nicky didn't wait for a response and started off in the direction of the workshop. Piper reluctantly followed with Stella walking next to her.

"Speaking of Vause," Stella started, "Who do I talk to about getting a bunk transfer?"

"What? Why?"

"Look, no offence but that girl has trouble written all over her. I just want to keep as far away from that as possible. Do my time and get the hell out of here, you know?"

"What are you talking about?" Piper asked, seriously perplexed. It didn't sound like they were talking about the same Alex.

"Well, she got into that brawl with another inmate before she could even wear in her orange kit and now this…"

Piper stopped and touched Stella's arm in a sign to do the same. She had her full attention now.

"And now what? What happened?"

At first Stella didn't say anything and let the moment stew with Piper a bit. Then:

"Last night I got to the bunk and she was pretending to be asleep. I told you I'm good at people and I knew right away it was an act. Her breathing was unsteady and it kinda sounded like she was crying."

She paused for effect and it worked because Piper was visibly becoming more and more agitated.

"Go on," she pressed her impatiently.

"Then this morning, you know she gets up at like the crack of dawn to shower and it usually doesn't bother me but this morning she was pretty noisy about it. Anyway, I saw her leave and her face was all busted up. Looks like a broken nose or something. Way worse than the first fight is my guess."

Piper swallowed hard and felt her stomach drop down to her boots. There were so many words swimming around in her head but she found it impossible to string them into a coherent phrase. What the hell was going on?

"Anyway," Stella said and started walking again, slowing her step for Piper to catch up. "I figure it must've been some kind of a revenge hit or something."

Piper felt a burning rage start up inside her. What Stella was saying made sense. Lolly was pretty beat the last time she clashed with Alex and of course she would wait for an opportunity to get her own back. That was how things worked in places like this, Piper thought. If you were perceived as weak, then that's what you'd be. Lolly obviously wanted to assert her dominance, being new and at risk of further estrangement and harassment. She was seething by the time they reached the workshop.

"It's too much drama for me," she heard Stella's voice break into her thoughts. "That's why I need a transfer. I don't want to get caught up in all of that."

Piper nodded stiffly, barely hearing what she was saying, not being able to organize her own thoughts.

"So?"

"So, what?" she asked.

"Who can I speak to about it?" Stella asked.

"Oh, I don't know. Go see your counselor, I guess," she said dismissively and went in to the workshop.

"Chapman, Carlin… shot!" was Luschek's simple greeting.

Nicky gave her an 'I told you so' look but Piper barely acknowledged it. Her mind was nowhere near work or shots. She needed to see Alex but surviving in prison was about navigating through intricate power plays without fucking up and that had to be her top priority right now.

* * *

"Man, I hate this show. Where's the remote?" Lolly asked to the room at large.

There were only a few other ladies in there with her, mostly new inmates that arrived with her from Chicago and they were all riveted by the whale wars on the tv. Lolly rose, pushing her chair back in irritation and started scanning the surrounding tables for the remote. She bent down to check under her own one and felt her head slam into the edge it as if she misjudged her distance.

Blood started trickling down her forehead from the neat cut the table had made there and Lolly realized that it was the hand clenched in her hair that was the culprit. She looked up into Piper's face and could just make out the rage-filled eyes before she felt the force from the hand shove her head back down. Thinking quickly, Lolly put her hands out to prevent her face from meeting the table but the skinny bitch was stronger than she thought and a screaming pain shot through her head as it met the hard, flat surface.

"You better watch your fucking back," Piper spat the words at Lolly before discarding her limp frame to the floor like a used tissue.

She crashed into some chairs on the way down and tumbled into a helpless pile, watching Piper turn to leave in utter bewilderment. Her brain racing to catch up with what had just happened. Bennet appeared at the door with the same bewildered look on his face as he tried to assess the situation but Piper simply brushed past him, her hands raised in a gesture of innocence and then she was gone.

Lolly looked around to the other inmates who had quickly moved out of Piper's way to avoid being caught up in the struggle.

"What the fuck, you guys?" She touched a hand to her bleeding head and when she saw her stained fingers she was even angrier.

"You're just going to stand there?" she screamed at Bennet, jumping up and getting right in his face.

"Hey, back off!" he said sternly, holding her back with one arm.

"Look at what that bitch just did to me! And you let her walk right by you!"

"Calm down."

"No, I won't calm down! What the fuck?"

"Inmate! Calm down!" Bennet raised his voice now. "You have to have that cut checked out. I'll deal with Chapman. Come on," he said, showing her to follow him.

For a second, Lolly just stood there livid, the veins at her temples bulging with rage. She soon realized though that as a guard, Bennet was forced to follow procedure. It wasn't like he was going to go chasing Chapman down, beating her to the ground. Fine, she thought, she'll jump through the hoops and she'll let them 'deal with Chapman'. What they won't be privy to however, is how she deals with Chapman. First the crazy bitch with the glasses jumps her and now this. Well, she wasn't about to let the remainder of her sentence become a free-for-all-Lolly-brawl. She was going to put an end to it and fast.

* * *

"I'm going to ask you one last time…"

"Mr. Healy, you can ask me one hundred more times. I didn't see their face," Alex said with a heavy sigh.

She had been in his office for close to an hour after being hauled there by one of the guards who spotted her face. The interrogation began after they patched her nose – broken – and taped her ribs – also broken. The simple act of breathing was painful, let alone sitting or standing or moving. Meanwhile Healy had been grilling her for details about how she got to looking the way she did and she felt like crying every time she had to buffer his questions with 'I don't knows' and 'I can't remembers'.

"She was small – her height, her frame… but strong," the tremble that started up in her voice made her stop there. God, she hated feeling this way – helpless and afraid.

"You're pretty tall. More than half the prison fits your description," Healy said. "Did you see anything else? Any tattoos or markings that will narrow this down?"

"I already told you…"

"I know what you told me," he said impatiently. "I also know that you people think you can handle these things on your own. Settle a beef or whatever you call it. What you don't realize is that the administration is here to help you, protect you. Having inmates calling martial law and doing whatever they goddamn want is not how things work around here."

Alex pursed her lips, making no sign that she was suddenly about to divulge the information Healy wanted. Even if she did know who did this to her, she wouldn't say anything. Not with Kubra's axe hanging over Piper's head.

"Okay, have it your way," Healy said, finally giving up. "But hear this – if you're involved in any altercation with another inmate, I'm going to see it as directly connected to this incident and your ass is going off to max. You get that? The person who did this to you is supposed to be the one who's punished but instead, she'll get off scott free while you rot for plotting your stupid revenge."

"I get it," Alex said, her composure now regained. "but you don't have to worry. I'm not plotting anything."

He locked his gaze with hers then, as if daring her to go against his warning. She held it firmly, not even flinching. Alex could deal with administration and their crazy power trips. That was one thing she didn't have a problem with. Her stubbornness always got her through. Healy eventually dropped his eyes to the forms on his desk and motioned at her with his hand to leave. Alex was out of her chair and out the door without looking back. Her relief at being let go was short-lived as she walked right into an anxiously waiting Piper outside his door.

Alex's first thought was that the wrong person would see them together and assume she was saying things she wasn't supposed to be saying. She nervously looked up and down the hall for any suspicious looking stragglers.

"Oh my god," Piper said, gingerly touching the bruises on Alex's face.

She jerked her head away instinctively and stepped back to increase the distance between them.

"It's no big deal," she said. "I have to go."

"What? Alex…" Piper said, going after her down the hall.

"Piper, don't," she said simply. Hoping it would be enough but knowing with Piper it most likely wasn't.

"So we're doing that again?" Piper asked, her concern for Alex quickly turning into frustration with her and when Alex didn't answer: "Okay, we're doing that again. That thing where you act like an ass and push me away when…"

"Chapman!" Bennet's voice carried down the hall and Alex turned to see Piper looking like a deer caught in headlights.

"Fuck," Piper said and slowed to a stop as Bennet made his way toward her.

Grateful for the pass to a quick getaway Alex sped up and disappeared around the corner. She wasn't sure how she was going to do this. Breaking things off with Piper never worked out. This time it had to stick though, she just had to think of a way to do it so that it would. But how? How was she going to make it so that Piper would want nothing to do with her? Permanently. Alex knew that it was going to be the hardest thing she ever had to do and it scared her. More than coming face to face with her mortal fate scared her. She felt a pang in her chest that had nothing to do with her injuries and everything to do with the understanding that it was the end of her life with Piper. It was over and she wouldn't even get the chance to say goodbye…


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter Four**

* * *

Piper was on edge, which wasn't out of the ordinary given the fact that she was in the SHU but this time her worry was attributed to the latest developments with Alex and not to being confined in a small space all by herself. She passed the time pacing the length of her cell. Sleep was a luxury she spurned because plotting couldn't happen if she was asleep. Her stomach reminded her with a painful growl every now and then that she hadn't fed it since being locked up there but it was easy for Piper to ignore. She hated the food anyway.

They had so little time to talk before Bennet sent her off; if you could even call it talking. Alex had been stand-offish and dismissive and despite replaying those few minutes over and over in her head, Piper couldn't figure out why. Then there was Lolly – what if she decided to go after Alex since she couldn't get to Piper? Not that Alex couldn't stand up for herself… and this was the one thing Piper kept coming back to.

She didn't know Alex to be a pushover; she didn't particularly like violence but could always handle herself in a fight. Why then did she look the way she did the last time Piper saw her? And that look of fear in her eyes… it was haunting. Lolly was no heavyweight and Piper proved that when she surprised her in the TV room. It didn't make sense that she could do so much damage to Alex who was clearly bigger and stronger and had gotten the upper hand on her before.

Unless Lolly wasn't the one who did it. It was the only logical conclusion Piper could come up with. She could've had one of her cronies do her dirty work for her. But after playing through Lolly's options in her head, Piper came up empty. There wasn't much muscle in her group. So that left the only other explanation – that Lolly wasn't involved at all and there was something else going on.

This is what got Piper pacing, her anxiety levels rising with each passing minute. If it wasn't Lolly, Piper realized the enormity of her mistake by getting thrown in to SHU. If it wasn't Lolly, the attack on Alex could only be chalked up to Kubra. But if that was the case, why didn't Alex want to talk to her about it? Piper first thought that she might've wanted to tell her in a more private place than the hallway outside Healy's office but the more she replayed their short interlude, the clearer it became that there had been no allusion to a later discussion by Alex. She was brushing her off, plain and simple. Which brought Piper back to the biggest question troubling her since she got to SHU – why?

* * *

Alex was in the library where she'd been spending most of her time lately. A book lay open on the table in front of her but it was nothing more than a prop. Her unseeing eyes were glued to the page while thoughts of Piper plagued her as they had done so much of late. A battle raged inside her – submit to Kubra to keep Piper safe or put up the fight of her life and risk losing her.

The former made her feel sick to her stomach; there was nothing timid about Alex Vause. She was a fighter. How else could she have made a life for herself out of the shitty cards she'd been dealt? Survival was in her bones; there was no denying it. Playing it safe went against everything she was. Nothing about it was easy. And yet… What were the odds of surviving Kubra? Not good, Alex knew that. So what good would it do to rub him up the wrong way if all it would accomplish was to add Piper to his hit list?

It was not too long ago that Alex made a choice that decided Piper's fate. That time she was driven by hurt and anger. And look where it got her – having to make the same choice again. Only this time the consequences were much worse. Alex smiled to herself then. At least one good thing came from her selfishness that first time – it gave them the chance to reconnect and work through their shit. Now that she was in the same position of deciding Piper's fate yet again, there was no more hurt and anger. It was her chance to finally make things right.

"Thought I'd find you here," Nicky said as she walked over to Alex. "Plotting or just hiding?"

"Little bit of both," Alex replied.

"Well, at least you know stupid people won't find you here."

Alex laughed, surprised to find that it wasn't fake or forced. She didn't think she still had that in her but there'd always been an easy connection with Nicky and although she came to the library looking for quiet and solitude, Alex was glad for her friend's imposing nature; it created the perfect distraction from the maddening thoughts swirling in her head. Nicky sat down and studied Alex without saying anything.

"It looks worse than it really is," Alex said.

"Yeah? Because it looks pretty awful."

"Shut up, and stop staring, you ass."

"Sorry, I'm just trying to imagine what you're going to look like when those little white strips come off. I mean, I've seen what a broken nose can do to a person. Seriously, hot girls end up looking like gargoyles."

"Fuck you," Alex said, laughing again and Nicky joined in this time. "I'll show you. I'll fucking rock this nose."

"I'm sure you will," Nicky said.

The laughter between them simmered down until it eventually faded completely, as if weighed down by reality as it struck them at the same time.

"We miss you," Nicky said then.

"We?" Alex asked with raised eyebrows. A serious moment from Nicky was rare and she wasn't about to let her off the hook.

"Okay, _I_ miss you, you egotistical fuck," Nicky replied with a wry smile.

Silence found them again but there was nothing awkward about it. It was as if they were communicating just as much as when they were actually speaking. That was the kind of easiness Alex liked about being around Nicky.

"Look, I know that Piper's going to be all over you when she gets out of SHU and I already feel sorry for you so I won't ask," Nicky said. "But I will say this: you've got people in here who have your back. Going around acting like you don't not only makes you an asshole but it makes us feel like shit."

"Nicky…"

"No," Nicky said, holding up both her hands for added effect. "you don't have to say anything. I just wanted to get it out there."

"Okay."

"Okay. I'm going to go now," Nicky said and got up.

"Hey," Alex called after her and when she turned back, "thanks."

"Whatever, just do me a favor would you? Give the hiding out a rest and put that hot mess of a brain of yours to use on the plotting side of things."

She managed a small nod as Nicky made her way out of the library, her words lingering long after she'd disappeared.

 _Give the hiding out a rest._

Alex knew why it hit her so hard – it was what she wanted but was afraid to admit to herself. Somewhere very deep inside she was aware of that fight in her that still burned strong. That fight was what lifted her out of a life of poverty. That fight is what had gotten her through the past few months. Well, that fight and Piper…

Slowly but surely the feeling of apprehension that enveloped her started to recede and for the first time in a while, a sense of clarity descended on Alex. She drew so much of her strength from Piper; it didn't make sense to shut her out. Despite outward appearances, Piper had just as much fight in her and she'd seen it before. The girl was braver and stronger than she often gave herself credit for. And who was Alex to decide whether she could or couldn't handle something?

What if removing Piper from the equation was playing in to Kubra's hands? They were a formidable team; that much had been proven a few times over. Why then, at the time when it mattered most, should Alex break that? If anything, she'd learned that acting out of fear rarely wins the upper hand. Kubra ruled by fear and he'd be expecting that power to permeate the prison walls, making Alex do exactly what he wanted. Well she was nobody's puppet so fuck him. He was no god and more importantly, he wasn't there… just some bitch being paid to do his bidding. And by the time Alex left the library, that problem was already half the size it had been only an hour before.


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: Apologies for the delayed upload but RL can be a frakking frak sometimes. Thanks to everyone who read, reviewed, favorited, followed... :) So I started this fic before Season 3 landed. And then it landed. I fell off this story for a bit because of everything that happened in the new season and then thought of changing it but then thought of just finishing it the way I first had it in mind. But I digress... I have time, so I'm writing, so updates will not be long in coming. Thanks for sticking with it:)**

* * *

 **Chapter Five**

"We need to talk," Piper said as she went to sit at the foot of Red's bunk where the Russian was reading.

She didn't look too happy about the interruption but made no attempt to turn Piper away. Red slowly lowered her book and watched her new visitor.

"I'm not interested in being dragged into your prison drama," Red said.

She had noticed that things were not quite on the up and up with Alex and that meant that Piper was also on a slippery slope. Red made it her business to know what was going on around the prison so that she could keep far away from the trouble. She had enough of her own to deal with on any given day.

"I have no plans to drag you anywhere," Piper replied simply, "I need your advice."

"Keep your head down, serve your time and get the hell out of this place," was Red's short and brutal response.

"Please," Piper said, the tone of her voice almost pleading and Red could see by the look in her eyes, despite her hardened expression, that Piper was desperate.

Her silence was a sign to Piper that she was ready to listen. Piper read it well but now that the moment had arrived, she wasn't sure what to say. Back in the SHU she had decided to approach Red for help. She knew a lot and she'd been at Litchfield a long time. If anyone could help Piper with her plan, it was Red. The words were slow in coming though and all of a sudden Piper started to feel weighed down.

"Spit it out, Chapman," Red eventually said impatiently.

"Someone I know is in danger," Piper started slowly. "I need your advice about how to help this person not be in danger anymore." There, she said it. Vague, useless time-wasting, but it was a start and it was the best her brain could formulate at that moment.

"What makes you think I can help you?"

"Well… I thought maybe, the things you've been privy to… before coming here," Piper stumbled over her words.

"You need my help so you decide to play the Russian mob card?"

"Red, this is serious," Piper persisted and taking her bunkmate's looming resignation as encouragement, she continued. "There's someone here… in Litchfield… who is going to hurt someone I know. Or worse."

"What's worse than someone you know?" Red asked, knowing that wasn't what Piper meant but she couldn't resist.

"No, I meant this person might do worse than just hurt her."

"And how do you suppose I can help you?"

"Well… I just thought that maybe you would have some advice on how to find this person. And stop them. It might have to be something of a more… absolute nature," Piper said, choosing her words carefully and the whole time watching Red's expression to see how she was reacting. Her face was unreadable though, her features steady, not giving away what she was thinking.

"I'm Russian, not psychic," Red said finally. "Do you know who this person is?" Piper shook her head no. "Is this about Vause?"

It was easier for Piper to speak in vague terms but the mention of Alex made it all too personal for her and the composure she was fighting to maintain started trembling a little. It became too real too quickly and Piper struggled for words yet again. So she just nodded in response to Red's question. How was she going to be Alex's saving grace when she could barely speak about what needed to happen without becoming a total mess? She needed Red to tell her how. She so badly needed to hear that it was possible to end this thing before the worst happened. It was quiet for some time, the two inmates just sitting and not saying anything. Piper studied her hands too closely and Red watched her do it.

"What's worse than someone I know…" Piper repeated Red's misinformed question from earlier, so soft it was like she was saying it to herself. She looked up at the other woman then, her eyes misted over and not even trying to hide it. Red's expression dropped when she met Piper's gaze, she could see the girl was in pain. "What's worse than someone I know being in danger… is when it's someone I love," Piper ended plainly, hoping that her brazen honesty would get it through to Red how important this was to her.

For all her toughness, Red was just a regular softy, she just hid it very well. Seeing Piper so vulnerable and exposed did what the girl hoped it would – Red knew that she wouldn't have it in her to turn Piper away. She straightened and swung her legs off the bunk to sit up next to Piper, taking her glasses from her nose and leaving them to hang on her chest while she looked off into the same haze that Piper was now staring into. The wheels were turning and slowly but surely the gears started clicking into place.

"It's probably someone close to her," Red said out of the blue, forcing Piper's attention to break from the blank wall she was studying and shift to her. "If the person is close to Vause, you must know them because you're close to Vause." Red was reasoning out loud, not even looking at Piper, who was now hanging onto every word as if it was her final life force.

"I'm the only one close to her," Piper interrupted. "And maybe Nicky and come on…"

"I don't mean close in that way," Red said, sounding a little irritated at having her train of thought disturbed. "I mean this person must have regular access to her… must be able to watch her, not seem out of place to be close to her. Close enough to… you know," Red ended, waving her hand in front of her face in reference to Alex's beating.

Piper nodded, showing that she understood now and remained quiet, waiting anxiously for Red to continue.

"For someone to get close, I'd say with the little I know about your Alex, she would be more trusting with one of us than one of the COs."

"I was leaning toward it most likely being another inmate," Piper jumped in, her mind racing with possibilities and not being able to contain herself. "An inmate that's close enough but someone we don't really know so she has to be new, right?"

"This person, what does she have against Vause?" Red asked, looking at Piper for the first time.

"Nothing," Piper answered quickly, shaking her head. "She was sent by someone else. Someone who wants Alex-" the end of that sentence died in her throat. She couldn't bring herself to go any further and was relieved that with Red she didn't have to. The woman understood.

"Then you're looking for someone from that world most likely. Drugs was it?"

"But I can't know that for sure. Anyone can lie about what they're in for… where they come from."

"Then we look at the timeline," Red went on. "This person, were they a threat to her when she was out?" Piper nodded yes, afraid to speak in case her fears came out in her voice and she lost the ability to contain the tears that were trying to bully their way out of her eyes. "Good," Red said simply, and Piper's brows furrowed in confusion. Good? What did she mean, good?

"The inmate arrived with Vause or after. She's only been here a few weeks so that's a lot less names for you to go through. This person who wants Vause dead," Piper winced at the nonchalant way Red said the word, like it was nothing, when it was everything. "… that person could only have found someone to come in here and do their dirty work after finding out she was on her way back in."

Piper mulled over Red's words for a while; what she was saying made sense. Lolly's face kept popping up in her head. She was with them in Chicago. She was transferred here right about the time Alex got back in. But so were so many others. It could be anyone. But Red was right, she had a smaller group to work through than if she were to consider the entire population of Litchfield.

"Okay," Piper said eventually, satisfied with what her next move was going to be. "Thanks Red," she ended and got up to leave.

"Wait," Red called after her and Piper turned to face her. "What are you planning?"

Piper didn't answer right away. In the back of her mind she knew what had to be done, but she hadn't come to terms with it yet so how could she talk about it to Red? Would she even understand? Kubra wouldn't stop until it was over. And for it to be over, Alex had to be out of the picture. Completely. So the only way to stop that from happening was to…

"If you do something stupid, you face more time," Red's words broke into Piper's thoughts, bringing her back to the moment. "Life, if you're thinking of doing what I think you're about to do. Then what would be the use? You stuck here forever while your girlfriend gets out."

Piper shifted her weight from one foot to the other. She hadn't thought that far. All she'd been thinking about was the immediate threat and keeping Alex safe.

"You have to play smart," Red continued, tapping the side of her head with her finger. "Keep your hands clean. The fucker can still get what she deserves but you can't be anywhere near it."

"How?" Piper asked and meant it. She was barely cut out for simply existing in prison, let alone taking on the responsibility of being the mastermind behind a huge plot like this matter called for.

"That's for you to decide," Red said as she lifted her legs back onto her bunk and reclined into the same position Piper found her in a few minutes before.

Piper stood rooted to the spot a while longer, hoping that her bunkmate would offer something more to help but Red lifted her book and it was if Piper wasn't there. She took the blatant hint and turned to leave.

 **oitnboitnboitnb**

Piper sat alone at one of the tables outside and watched Alex as she sat reading under a tree, keeping well away from everyone else outside. She chose her table so that she could see Alex but Alex wouldn't see her, not if she wasn't really looking. Piper wasn't ready to talk just yet and besides, she wasn't sure if Alex wanted to talk. After their last encounter, Piper felt she needed to give her approach a lot more thought and that's what she was doing. It was the first sun they'd seen in a while and for Piper, just getting out the dank darkness of SHU it felt like heaven on her skin. She dared to take her eyes off Alex for a second as she lifted her face to the sky, eyes closed, a blissful smile on her face. How could there be such darkness in a world with such greatness, she found herself thinking.

"The look on your face makes me wish I was thrown in the SHU just so I could get out and feel whatever that is," a voice came from next to her, making Piper startle a little. When she opened her eyes she saw Stella sitting next to her.

"You've never been?" Piper asked.

"Why the tone of surprise? Do I look like a troublemaker?"

"No, you just look like this is not your first rodeo," Piper responded, keeping Stella's enquiring gaze. The way the woman looked at her, as if she were looking through her, intrigued Piper.

"It's not; I'm not exactly a model citizen," Stella said. "But I behave when I have to I guess," she ended with a mischievous grin that Piper couldn't help returning.

Stella noticed Piper's demeanor shifting suddenly, a crease forming on her brow.

"Aggravated assault, to answer the question you're trying so hard not to ask," Stella said, the smile still playing on her lips. She knows she's got Piper. "Dick of a girlfriend got a shot through one too many times for my liking."

"Good for you."

"So, it looks like you won," Stella said, changing the subject.

"I did? What did I win?"

"Chicago's too scared to even look up," Stella answered, motioning to Lolly with her head where she was standing a few feet away with two other women, trying very hard not to look in Piper's direction. "Things have been pretty quiet after you, uh… shut her up."

"And Alex?" Piper couldn't help asking the question.

Red was her first order of business after getting out of the SHU and she was yet to get close to Alex to even say hello, let alone find out how she had been holding up. Stella was her bunkmate and so Piper jumped at the chance to get some information.

"I only see her when we bunk down for the night. During the day she's pretty much invisible. But she seems fine – preoccupied maybe, but that could be because of you."

"Me?" Piper asked, surprised.

"If my hot girlfriend got her ass thrown in solitary because of me, I'd be worried about her too," Stella said, that grin creeping onto her lips again.

Piper was taken aback by the forward statement but allowed herself to enjoy it, returning Stella's smile and holding her gaze a little longer than necessary. If she was honest with herself, she liked the feeling of being the object of someone's attention or intentions as it were. It gave her some distraction to the chaos going on. Everything got so bleak so quickly and why couldn't she take a second to enjoy the little things, like sun on her skin and pretty girls…

"Alex isn't the reason I was in there," she said finally, "that was all my fault."

"Poor Chicago," Stella replied without missing a beat, "guess she learned the hard way not to fuck with the two of you. Is that what you like about being with her?"

"What do you mean?"

"It's just, you're so different, you and Vause. You're open, friendly… she's not. Being with her kind of forces you to take on that whole 'us against the world' thing that she does so well."

"What?" Piper asked.

"You have barely spoken a word to me even though there's been lots of opportunity. Because she's always hanging around. I get you alone and look, we're having a great convo… you're even flirting a little bit if I'm not mistaken."

"Flirting? Wh- ? That's just… and you don't know Alex. She's nothing like what you just described," Piper said, clearly flustered by Stella's forthrightness.

"Not from where I'm sitting," Stella said plainly, winking at Piper before getting up to leave.

 **oitnboitnboitnb**

It was a few minutes before count and Piper decided that it was time to finally make her way over to speak to Alex, who was still sitting and reading. She hadn't looked up from her book once in the entire time Piper had been watching her so she moved confidently as she walked over, thinking that if Alex were to see her approaching she might try to get away from her.

"Hey," she said, sitting down next to Alex and looking out over the yard but only to keep herself from looking at the dark-haired woman at her side. She could feel Alex's gaze burning into her face though, which made not meeting it even harder. She hadn't seen her in days and every fibre of her being wanted nothing more than to stare at Alex, to drink in every inch of her face. To touch her, have her hands run all their familiar pathways over her skin. But there was a certain way this had to be played and Piper was determined to get it right. Alex was in a vulnerable state and Vulnerable Alex had to be handled with care.

"What the fuck were you thinking, Piper?" her words came out hard and Piper closed her eyes in an effort to shield herself from their scathing. "Getting yourself thrown in the SHU, and for what?"

"Do you know who it is?" Piper asked and turned to face Alex now, feeling just a little pissed off that after two days of not seeing her, Alex's first thought was to lay into her.

She was supposed to play it cool and calm but dammit if Alex knew just which buttons to press to make her forget what the hell the sense of anything was anymore and just react to life and everything in it on pure impulse and nothing else.

"What?" Alex asked, confused.

Good, now she had her on the back foot. Piper wasn't sure when it had become a game of power but the push and pull was there and she was going to just ride it out.

"Look, I know what you're doing, trying to protect me… but I'm not going to let you push me away. That's not how this works." Piper sounded self-assured and assertive. She was proud of herself for pulling that off, what with the utter upheaval going on inside her for the past few days.

"Okay," Alex said, her tone a lot softer than it was a few seconds ago.

"Okay?" Now Piper was the one caught off guard. She was expecting a fight. She wasn't expecting Alex to give in just like that. That wasn't how this game usually went.

"Okay," Alex repeated herself, lifting her glasses to the top of her head and meeting Piper's gaze once again.

Piper noticed how tired her eyes looked. It was still so fucking good to see them, though.

"Okay," Piper said again. "…so then tell me who it is."

"Tell me what you're talking about and I'll try."

"I know you know who's doing this. That's why you want me out of it. There's something you're not telling me and…"

"Piper I have no idea," Alex interrupted her quickly once she realized what Piper was on about. "I have a list of who I think it's not… but that's as far as I've gotten."

"Is Chicago on that list?"

"Who?"

"Lolly," Piper replied. "It's what Stella calls her. I kinda like it."

"You like _her_ , you mean," Alex said, looking Piper right in the eye and daring her to look away.

She didn't.

"Are you jealous?" Piper asked, a playful tone creeping into her voice. So Alex had seen her sitting at the table. She must have seen her talking to Stella. Clearly it rubbed her up the wrong way.

"Should I be?"

"She thinks I'm hot," Piper teased.

"She has eyes," Alex said simply, going back to her book.

And it was gone. The attention Piper was enjoying had dissipated. She knew that Alex wouldn't entertain it for long but she really wanted things to just feel normal for a bit. No life or death drama.

"Look, I came here to talk to you," Piper said, serious again and sad for the light moment that passed all too quickly, bringing them back to reality. "I've been thinking a lot about what happened and I think I found a way…"

"No, not here," Alex stopped her, not looking up from her book. "I shouldn't be talking to you out here like this."

Piper nodded, at least Alex didn't shoot her down completely. She didn't want to talk in the open but she was at least willing to talk. That was progress from where they were a few days ago. Piper took her eyes off Alex and scanned the yard, hoping that she'd find someone suspicious paying too much attention to them. Could it be that easy? Probably not. She saw Lolly speaking animatedly to the same two women she was with earlier. They arrived a few days after Alex. Piper would have to dig a little to find out what the deal was with Lolly. Or Chicago, as Stella called her. Stella. Piper's brow furrowed heavily as her mind started calculating a separate timeline altogether.

 **oitnboitnboitnb**

Alex worked deliberately slowly the last few hours of her shift and eventually told the others they could leave and she would finish up. She needed to be alone. She needed time to think. The constant hum of the dryers worked surprisingly well in helping her focus and being the only one down there meant she could let her guard down and allow her mind to wonder.

"Am I too late to drop these off?"

Alex barely heard her because she was so far away in her mind, but the bag of dirty laundry was tossed onto the table where Alex was absentmindedly folding and the sudden movement broke her reverie. When she looked up, Stella was standing in front of her.

"So am I?" she asked again, off Alex's floundering expression.

"Yes," was the short reply. Alex immediately gathered herself after being caught off guard so suddenly and her entire demeanor hardened towards the woman regarding her with a stupid grin on her face.

"Everyone left you with the shit job, I see," Stella said, not making any move to retrieve her bag of dirty laundry.

"All of it is shit," Alex responded, going back to the khakis she was folding.

She wasn't looking but could see Stella out of the corner of her eye as she stepped closer to the table, leaning over. When Alex looked up she saw Stella scanning the area around them. Her eyes finally made their way back to Alex, who she saw was now watching her closely, a puzzled look on her face.

"Thought you'd be in a better mood, seeing that your girlfriend got out of SHU today."

"What's it to you?" Alex asked, starting to become really irritated with the woman who refused to leave. "And what's the deal with your interest in Piper anyway?"

"Just doing my job," came the reply and the words made Alex stop dead.

She slowly lowered the clothes she held in her hands and met Stella's unshifting gaze, noticing the grin on her face was not stupid as she'd previously thought but cold, calculating. Realization would've dawned a lot faster if Alex's brain hadn't chosen that moment to shut down.

"Your job?" she heard her voice say but it sounded like it came from someone else, a thousand miles away.

"I saw you talking to her in the yard today. Guess I wasn't clear enough the last time we spoke."

"The last time…?" the words barely made it out of Alex's mouth.

It started off light, feeling like a small spider crawling up her spine. It didn't stay that way though and in no time it transformed into a warm rush that pulsed under every inch of her skin. Alex felt it snake its way down her legs and realized she had to work extra hard at making them keep the rest of her body up. The rushing was loudest in her ears, making the dryer behind her sound muffled, creating room for the more important sound of her heart thumping in her throat.

"The rules were simple enough to follow, weren't they? I thought you were smart," Stella continued. "I thought you'd understand what 'don't say anything to anyone' meant."

"Fuck," Alex eloquently managed when she realized how she'd pretty much wrapped herself up in a big bow by telling the others to leave her alone down there.

"Now you've gone and complicated things. I don't like complicated," Stella said, slowly making her way around the table to stand on the same side of it that Alex was on. "All I wanted was to have a little fun before I got to the boring part."

Alex steeled herself under Stella's unwavering gaze. This is what she'd been preparing for. She couldn't let fear ruin it for her now. This wasn't Kubra. He wasn't here. Everything else, she could handle. She was Alex fucking Vause for christ's sake. The mental pep talk seemed to kick something into gear with Alex and she felt her muscles start to relax. Her heart was still pumping in her ears but at least she wasn't being held prisoner by self-doubt anymore.

"But no, you just had to bring the pretty little blonde into it."

"You leave her the fuck out of this," Alex said, every word filled with venom as she spoke. "I swear I'll-"

"You'll what?" Stella interrupted her, stepping into her personal space. Even though she was at least a head shorter than Alex, nothing about her face or body language suggested she had any doubt that she had the upper hand. "You can't touch me, Vause. Not with Kubra watching."

The mention of his name flipped a switch in Alex's brain and she pushed out violently, forcing Stella a few feet back.

"Fuck you and fuck Kubra!"

Stella regained her footing and advanced on her again but was stopped short when her chest collided yet again with another hard push from Alex.

"Where is he watching, huh?" Alex asked, absolutely seething. "I don't see him. No, it's just you. And you have another thing coming if you think you can just-"

The rest of her sentence was extinguished by a right hook that Stella swung into her jaw with surprising force for such a small person. Alex staggered back, a look of shock on her face.

"When are you going to get it through your thick skull, Vause? This is not a fight you're going to win. So why try?"

Alex watched as Stella quickly crouched and pulled something out from inside her sock. She straightened, plastering that sick smirk on her face and slipped what looked like a knuckle duster onto the three fingers of her left hand. She flashed her hand open, studying Alex's face for a reaction. Alex felt her breath catch in her throat when she saw the inside of Stella's hand. Three small blades were melted into the plastic contraption. A beating she could handle, she had size and desperation on her side but this… this was different.

"Great thing about electrical – there's always crazy shit lying around," Stella said and before Alex could make head or tails of anything, Stella's hand – the one that wore the blades – was wrapped tightly around her throat. She felt the slim fingers contract with surprising strength, slowly cutting off her breathing and the warm trickle of what had to be blood made its way down her neck.

"She doesn't know," Alex choked the words out.

"Doesn't know what?"

"Anything… about you… she knows nothing."

"I'm holding a blade to your neck and you decide to use this moment to fight for _her_ life?" Stella asked, a sickening snigger breaking free from her throat.

"Fuck you," Alex spat the words and used her full strength to bring her knee up and push Stella away from her.

Angry at being shoved around, Stella made a blind swipe in Alex's direction and three deep cuts sliced into her cheek where the bitch made contact. Alex's hand flew up in reflex and gingerly cupped the side of her face. The spot that Stella struck was on fire but nothing like what raged inside her at that moment. Recognizing the blazing look in Alex's eye as a sign to step back, Stella started moving away from her.

"Not bad," she said, trying to make her tone light and playful. "I think we'll play just a little longer. I'm a sucker for girls who fight back."

Alex looked on helplessly as Stella left the laundry and once she was out of sight, her legs finally got their way and did what they had been threatening to do all along. Alex sank to the floor as waves of fear washed over her; waves she had been keeping at bay quite fine until then. The sudden release caused her to start shaking all over and she drew her knees up to her chest in an effort to regain control over her body. It didn't work. Frightened fingers rose to her cheek, blindly assessing the damage and the feel of the hot, sticky blood mixed with broken flesh made the last of her resolve fade to black. Her cheeks were hot but this time it was because of the tears she didn't at first realize was falling, leaving a blazing trail down her face. Alex squeezed her eyes tightly shut to make it stop. She couldn't break now. She had a face, a name… all she needed was to get up. Stand the fuck up and take her power back.

A bloody handprint marked the table that Alex used to pull herself up from the floor. She spat on it before using one of the t-shirts lying there to scrub at it until she was satisfied that the blood stain no longer looked like what it was. She took the same shirt and swabbed at her cheek, relieved to see that when she brought it away there wasn't much new blood. The damage was there though and she was going to have to be really creative about explaining it to Piper. Her plans to have them do this thing together no longer made sense. Stella's words rang clear in her head – this wasn't a fight she was going to win. Maybe she was right, maybe she wasn't. Alex would die trying. But she couldn't make that same decision for Piper. She had dragged Piper into her world, she was the reason Piper was in Litchfield. She wasn't going to be responsible for making her a pawn in Stella's sick games. Her power might be limited but at least she still had a choice where that was concerned. This time she'd make the right choice. This time she wouldn't let Piper down. Alex balled the bloody shirt into her fist, fixed her hair so that it covered as much of her cheek as she could manage and started out of the laundry. She had a face, she had a name…

* * *

 **Can I just say, I feel like Alex is a lot tougher than the show gave her credit for this past season. It really pissed me off how weak and needy they made her seem most of the time. I get that she feels vulnerable, afraid, but she's got major balls... that they forgot they gave her! My ideas of Alex in this situation was that she would at least try. That we'd see some of that Alex-ness in all the mess. Instead of 13 episodes of hiding... Am I wrong? *end rant***


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: Thanks to everyone for the favs, follows and reviews! I love reading what you think, what suggestions or opinions you have... it keeps feeds my hungry muse. This is a bit of a transition chapter but nowhere near a waste of time because it puts everything in place for what's coming:) Anyway, I might have taken a lengthy approach (really enjoyed writing this one) but it's totally worth it, trust me. Hope you enjoy!**

* * *

 **Chapter Six**

Nicky made her way down the hall to the cafeteria. It was dinner time and she was one of about a dozen inmates going the same way. She made a point of steering clear of the usual group tonight; she wanted some peace and quiet. The last few hours of her shift were spent listening to Piper go on and on about Alex and her situation and even though Nicky managed to say nothing at the time, she was just as worried. She would always have a soft spot for Alex and if she was honest, this whole thing with her being hunted down by her ex-king pin freaked her the fuck out. Add to that the fact that the dark-haired beauty wasn't exactly open to accepting any kind of help (unless you were a tall, skinny blonde with big, blue doe eyes and a college education), it just made it all unbearable.

She didn't want to lose her friend as much as Piper didn't want to lose her girlfriend, lover… whatever. Yet, here she was… relegated to the outskirts, forced to watch the worst unfold before her very eyes with her hands tied securely behind her back. God, she wasn't in the mood for company, especially Piper's. She didn't want to have to think about what lurked inside the walls of Litchfield for the rest of the day. Like Stella had said – she was privy to Piper's lamenting while they were trying to get the fuse box in the yard going again – you can't focus on the bad or they'll be wheeling you out of this place in a body bag. Then she disappeared, obviously tired of listening to Piper's doom and gloom.

Stella had been right though. Nicky owed it to herself – and everyone who dragged her out of the black pit she was in when she first arrived, especially Red - to not go out the way she came in. She could clearly see that happening if she allowed herself to get caught up in the emotional distress that seemed to constantly follow Piper Chapman around. Lost in her spinning thoughts, Nicky was caught completely off guard when a vice grip tightened around her wrist and she felt herself being lurched off in the opposite direction in which she was going.

"Hey!" she called angrily. If there was one thing she couldn't stand, it was being manhandled. By a woman.

Nicky looked up at the form in front of her, still holding tightly to her wrist and dragging her behind. She couldn't make out who it was though. The person was wearing one of their standard issue gray jackets with the hood up. Nicky pulled back in an effort to slow her down and maybe even break the forceful grasp but didn't keep it up for too long. The person was stronger than she was, being about two heads taller and fighting the forward motion was beginning to hurt.

"What the fuck? You're hurting me, asshole," she called out but didn't get so much as a backward glance from the person in front of her.

Nicky scanned the hall but didn't see one OC. Just her luck. She focused on the hand around her wrist. Maybe she would be able to identify the person that way – a tattoo or something. Slim fingers were white with the pressure they exerted. As for unique markings, there weren't any. Nicky let out a frustrated grunt as she was thrust forward suddenly by an ungainly jerk, causing her to stumble.

"Hey, watch it!" she shouted but again, didn't get any response, sympathetic or otherwise.

As Nicky straightened, her eyes fell on the rear of the crazy person leading her to what seemed like the bathroom. A wicked grin formed on Nicky's lips. She wasn't good at identifying people by their hands because she didn't really pay much attention to them. There was one body part that she was very familiar with though. She had spent countless hours trapped inside those prison walls studying the behinds of those worthy of being stared at and if she wasn't mistaken…

"Vause?" she asked in a baffled tone.

The fingers on her wrist let up a little at the sound of the name and Nicky knew she was right. Her special talent was yet to let her down. They were practically in the bathroom when her hand slipped free of the deathly grip, feeling suddenly cold and empty without it. She watched Alex walk to the far end of the bathroom, stopping at the last stall. Nicky was at the opposite end, absentmindedly rubbing her sore wrist while her mind raced with possibilities as to what this crazy display could be about. She saw her friend's shoulders rise and then fall in what looked like a heavy sigh before she slowly turned around to face her, the hoodie and an unruly mess of hair obscuring her face. The only clear identifying feature Nicky could make out was the signature black rimmed glasses perched on her nose. That, and her eyes. Nicky noticed the green eyes behind the glasses instantly. They were electrifying.

"What the fuck, Vause?" her voice came in a terse whisper as she felt her body absorb whatever anxiety was radiating off her friend the way it so easily did with people. It was what made her such a great addict. So impressionable, her mother always reminded her. Nicky took a few steps toward her but stopped when it was met with Alex backing up instinctively.

"Okay, you're the one who dragged me in here. Are you really going to stand there and make me beg you to tell me what the fuck is going on?"

Alex hung her head as she considered Nicky's words. She had dragged her in there. Out of desperation. She needed help from someone she could trust. Nicky was the only name that came to mind. Besides Piper of course but that was something that had to be dealt with on an entirely different level. Nicky was the one because she could be trusted to stay out of it. Alex could tell her what she needed to without fear of Nicky weaseling her way in and causing the whole situation to go off the rails. The fear that she fought so hard to keep at bay when she was confronted by Stella had transformed into something like calculating deliberation. Things were happening and they were happening fast. She couldn't afford to waste any more time.

"Do you remember…" Alex started slowly, her voice low and her head still down, "… a while back, when you talked about me… having people in here who-"

"I remember," Nicky said, their conversation in the library clear in her mind. "And I meant it." She took Alex's words as a sign that her guard was finally down and so stepped closer to her.

Nicky lowered her head to see under the hoodie and shower of hair but Alex took the effort out of it by lifting her face to look at her. She couldn't help it because it wasn't at all what she was expecting and Nicky immediately felt bad about the gasp that loudly escaped her mouth.

Alex turned from her frightful expression and looked at herself in the mirror. She couldn't bear to look at Nicky's shocked face but she didn't want to look at her own face either. She lifted her chin and moved her head to the side until the scarred cheek was entirely clear from the strategically placed veil of hair. She couldn't blame Nicky for reacting the way she had; it wasn't the most pleasant thing to look at. Still raw and angry looking after Alex's ad hoc surgical remedy of toilet paper swabs soaked in plain old water. A dry chuckle bubbled in her throat and died a few seconds later when she saw the look on Nicky's face as she turned back to her.

"I need your help," Alex said then, her voice pleading and her eyes a bright mirror of that plea.

"Okay," Nicky responded easily enough.

She knew better than to lay into Alex with the bazillion questions that were rampaging through her head. Besides, they would have all led to that one word answer anyway, so she figured she'd just get straight to the point. She was there and she would do anything for her. Alex needed to know that and the look on her face told Nicky she got her message across. Relief reflected in Alex's eyes and she loosened up, clearly appreciating Nicky's silent gesture.

"You obviously know what this is about so I'm not going to go into much detail but there are a few things I want you to know," Alex paused to take in Nicky's reaction. There wasn't much of it, her face was pretty much frozen in an expression of rapt attention. Alex took a deep, steadying breath before carrying on.

"She got me alone. I tried to put up a fight but she managed a cheap shot." Nicky's eyes flickered to the cuts on Alex's cheek before finding their way back to her fiery gaze again. "It won't be easy, but I have a plan."

"What do you need?" Nicky asked, her tone emulating the intensity of her friend's.

Although Alex was expecting the question, along with a thousand others, the directness of it made her stomach turn. The worst part of this whole thing was not that she had Stella to deal with, but that she also had Piper to deal with too. One she was going to do on her own, the other… she wouldn't dare.

"She's going after Piper," Alex finally said and hearing the words out loud for the first time made everything seem so final. She shuddered at the creeping terror that started snaking its way up her back, as if the physical act would get rid of it.

"I don't understand… why?"

"She's obviously been watching me for a while. Watching us… that's how you get the upper hand over your enemy, right? Know their weaknesses?"

"Does Piper know?" Alex just shook her head in response. "Jesus," Nicky breathed the word.

"You know Piper. She's already on some kind of warpath to fight this thing with me and if she finds out who it is…" Alex's voice trailed off as her imagination filled in the rest of her sentence, coloring the images of Piper's dead body in her mind's eye. "I can't let that happen."

"Okay," Nicky said slowly. "I get that but what I still don't understand is how I fit into this whole thing."

"I'm going to lie to her, tell her I don't know who it is, I don't know but I'll think of something."

Nicky's eyes widened in alarm as she finally realized what Alex was saying.

"You're not going to tell Piper… but you're going to tell me."

"Someone has to know… you – you have to know so you can watch out for her when I – if I can't."

Nicky shook her head and backed away from Alex. Of all the things she could've asked for. Hell, she was ready to get her hands dirty... be the proverbial partner in crime if it called for it. But this? There was no partner for her in this. It was something she'd have to do alone, by herself, and she didn't exactly have the best reputation for dealing with shit on her own.

"I'm begging you, Nicky… please. I have a fifty-fifty chance in this at best. I can't go into it without knowing for sure that Piper's going to be okay."

"And I'm the first person you thought to give that responsibility to? Fuck me, I can't even keep my own shit together. Things fall to shit without me even trying!"

"You're a lot tougher than you give yourself credit for and look, I'm not asking you to play constant babysitter or anything. But you know what she is to me… and I know what I am to you…"

"Ipso facto," Nicky said with a resigned tone. "I am so screwed."

Alex let out a sigh of relief and allowed herself a moment to relax. She was starting to think that Nicky wouldn't be up to the task.

"So who the fuck are we dealing with? Are you going to tell me or not?"

Alex looked at herself in the mirror again, as if she needed to be reminded that this was the right thing to do. It made sense. Things could go either way with Stella and she couldn't leave Piper on her own. The girl had chops, she'd grant her that but it wasn't enough to take on someone like Stella. Someone who came from Kubra. There was no way Piper would survive that. Alex wasn't even sure if _she_ would.

"Stella," she said plainly.

"Shut the fuck up," Nicky shouted and quickly covered her mouth with her hand, as if it had a mind of its own and that was the only way to stop it.

Alex didn't say anything, just stood silently and waited for it to sink in.

"Are you sure? I mean, holy fuck, Vause, she's your fucking bunkmate!"

"I know, it's fucked up," Alex offered to clarify Nicky's stammering.

"Fucked up? No, this isn't fucked up. Walking in on your parents doing the nasty… that's fucked up. Walking in on your parents doing the nasty… in _your_ _bed_!... that's, that's what this is. Holy shit!" Nicky dug her hands into her hair and started pacing. Alex stood aside and let her. She knew that this was likely to happen but she hoped that it would pass sooner rather than later and Nicky would come around.

"Wait, doesn't this make me a fucking target? We're on the same work duty. I'm your friend, she's seen me be your friend!" Alex shook her head. "No? How can you know? She's obviously batshit cra- holy fuck! That's where she disappeared to today? She fucked off while me and Piper were busy with the fucking… oh god…"

"Nicky, Nicky, hey!" Alex decided it was time to step in and she took hold of both her arms and shook her. "Calm the fuck down."

"Calm down?" Nicky repeated in disbelief but lowered her voice anyway.

"You've got to keep it together… please." Alex watched as Nicky forced herself to take a few deep breaths and she felt the tense muscles in her arms give way under the constricting grip of her hands. Once she was sure it was safe to let go, Alex backed away from her.

"Jesus fucking christ, Vause."

"You can't tell anyone."

"Sure, that's the easy part."

"Yeah, the hard part's going to be not letting Stella know that you know."

Nicky nodded slowly. That was exactly what she was thinking. Just a few minutes earlier she thought she wanted to be let in, to no longer be left on the outside. If this is what it meant to be an insider then she would be happy to live the rest of her days out there, where nobody bothered with her. Too late now though. Now she had a psycho bitch killer to pull the slip on and she didn't have a clue where to fucking start.

"Okay so what do we do now, pinkie swear… cross our hearts and hope to-" Nicky stopped herself short and when she found Alex's eyes, they reflected the same horror she could feel welling up inside of her.

"Find Piper," Alex said then and quickly moved past Nicky to leave. "Tell her to meet me in five minutes."

"Meet you where?" Nicky tried to keep the anxiety out of her voice but failed miserably. In a second she was going to be left alone and alone was something she wasn't very good at.

"Just tell her to meet me. She'll know where," Alex replied and turned again to leave.

"Hey, Vause," Nicky called after her and when her friend turned to face her, she felt her resolve start to shake.

Alex fixed her hair to hide what she could of her face, while Nicky shifted awkwardly from one foot to the other, studying the floor. She was trying to free the words she wanted from the tangled mess of incoherence in her head.

"What is it, Nichols?" Alex pressed impatiently and when Nicky looked up, she saw her eyes were misted over.

Nicky swallowed hard before "You know I love you, right?" Her voice cracked when she spoke and it was all she could do to keep the tears from proving what a pansy ass she was being at that moment. "I mean, sure if I thought I stood half a chance to compete with the epic shit going on between you and Piper but also just…you're my fucking friend, you know?" Nicky's voice trailed off and she looked at Alex whose features, despite the garish slashes on her cheek, had taken on a softness that took her by surprise.

Alex smiled softly; it was rare that she got to see any kind of sincerity from Nicky – it wasn't her style. It was also how you knew that when she did reveal herself, it wasn't superficial. It meant something.

"I know," she said simply and then she was gone.

 **oitnboitnboitnb**

The space inside the storage closet felt a lot smaller than usual, bordering on claustrophobic, despite the fact that Piper and Alex had been spending so much of their recreational time there lately. There and everywhere else they could grab a moment alone. Alex paced across what little room she had as she tried to shake the feeling of unease that was creeping through her. She kept thinking about the minutes slowly ticking by… hearkening nightfall… calling on Lights Out… She couldn't imagine how she was going to get through the night with Stella sharing her cube. Alex shoved her hands into the pockets of the gray hoodie, hoping that the enclosure would stop them shaking. It didn't. Her heart racing and her mouth dry, she thought with the way she felt, she might end up stealing Stella's thunder by dropping dead right there of a heart attack. She forced her feet to stop their constant pacing and closed her eyes, blocking out the dark closet but also hoping to block out everything else that was causing the tumult in her head.

Piper would be there soon and she needed to keep it together. Her mind was messing with her, throwing all kinds of scenarios around of how this could end. None of them were positive and it freaked her out even more. Alex ripped the gray hoodie from her head and ran her fingers through her hair. Feeling her face open up was like a breath of fresh air and she inhaled deeply, holding it as long as she could before letting it out slowly again. She wanted to meet Piper in the closet because it was dark. The darkness meant it would be easier to stomach revealing her face and living through Piper's reaction to it. That way she could say what she needed to, be as persuasive as she had to be… It all came down to this… if she managed to convince Piper to let her do this alone, half the battle would be won. She was expecting her to put up a fight though and that was the part that worried her. Alex was never good at saying no to her and she was afraid that in the current state she was in, Piper would be able to get anything she wanted.

Her back was turned to the door and when Alex heard the soft click that signaled Piper's arrival, she remained still, wanting to be sure they were safely shielded inside before facing her. She startled suddenly when two arms wound around her waist but quickly relaxed into it, closing her eyes to the familiar sensation of being held by Piper. How the fuck was this her life? She thought miserably. She was nowhere close to having enough and yet here she was, most likely coming to the end of it all.

"Don't," Alex said quickly, pulling Piper's wondering hand from her breast as she spun around to face her, still gripping the blonde's arm.

"Oh, it's just me today then?" Piper asked, her tone light and playful as she rubbed up against her and nuzzled her neck.

"Don't," Alex repeated more sternly this time and used both her hands to force Piper to create more space between them.

"Alex, what's-" Piper's eyes finally met her face and the rest of her words fell flat before she could speak them. The bad lighting hid most of it but she could see enough. "Oh god, Al, are you okay?" she asked, urgently taking Alex's face in both her hands and lifting it so she could inspect her more closely.

Alex twisted to break free from Piper's relentless handling and just shook her head, intent on not meeting her eyes. "I'm fine, it looks a lot worse than it is."

"When did this - oh my god, you know who it is, don't you?"

Well that didn't take her very long, Alex cursed inwardly. She had her work cut out for her.

"No."

"No?"

"I didn't see anything," Alex stuck to her guns, albeit halfheartedly. She hated herself for doing it but could see no better way to keep Piper out of her mess.

"You're lying. Why are you lying to me?"

Psychic Piper was really throwing a spanner in the works and it was pissing her off. Alex ran her fingers through her hair, no longer caring about her exposed scars; her only concern was getting to the other end of this conversation, and quickly.

"It doesn't matter anymore, Pipes," she said. "I need you to listen to me."

"Doesn't matter? It doesn't matter?!" Piper was doing that whispering scream she did when she had to keep her voice down but still get her point across. "What the fuck, Alex?"

"Look, you have no idea what we're dealing with. I'm not even sure if I do."

"All the more reason that we do it together, don't you think?" Piper was getting angrier with each passing second.

Her initial shock at seeing Alex had transformed into a simmering rage at the fact that she had withdrawn yet again. It was hard enough having to deal with the reality of the situation as it was but having to fight Alex too made it unbearable. Her whole life she hated the cliché of people sacrificing themselves for the one they loved. It never made sense to her. She thought it was stupid and selfish because how could that person be better off after losing the one they love? She was not about to let herself become part of that lame excuse for an epic love story. She didn't believe there was anything romantic about doom and death. There was no room in her life for having loved and lost. Not anymore.

"Alex," this time her tone was a lot softer and Alex, noticing the change, felt her anxiety subside a little. "you have to tell me who did this."

"Piper I can't."

"Why not?" Piper asked, her agitation bubbling dangerously to the surface again but she fought it back, and after getting no response… "Al, look at me."

Alex obeyed the command and when her eyes met Piper's, her appeal was silent. She could see on Piper's face that she instantly understood.

"You can't tell me," Piper started softly and stepped closer to Alex. "because…" she gazed up into her lover's face, studying the features that Alex was clearly trying very hard to keep unreadable. Her one giveaway though, the one thing she couldn't hide behind, were those eyes. "…because it's someone you know," Piper ended and her words brought Alex's downward contemplation back up to her face.

Alex swallowed hard under Piper's close range scrutiny. "Drop it," she warned, but her tone was shaky at best. Not at all the warning she meant it to be.

"It's someone I know," Piper pressed on, not tearing her eyes from Alex for a second. "I'm right, aren't I?"

There was nothing she could say to that, Alex thought, that would make this any better. If she couldn't lie then she'd resort to saying nothing.

"I wish you would stop acting like you don't need me," Piper said.

"I do need you, that's why you're here."

"Okay," Piper said, her voice filled with eagerness at the idea that she might be getting through to Alex. "Okay, what do you need me to do?"

Alex leveled her stance in front of Piper and took both her hands in her own, staring steadily into her gleaming blue eyes. God she was beautiful, even in half light. A deep sadness welled up inside her that felt a lot like grieving and Alex thought it probably was. She was grieving the end of the best thing that's ever happened to her. The ending was all hers though, not Piper's, and she was determined to see that through.

"I need you to trust me," she said, much to Piper's disappointment.

The blonde ripped her hands from Alex's grasp in frustration and backed away from her.

"Fuck you, Alex."

"What, you don't trust me?"

"Why should I, when you can't trust me? Tell me who it is!"

"Piper! Aaaaagh!" Alex resorted to copying Piper's whisper-scream because she couldn't take it anymore. She grabbed her hair with her hands in exasperation. "Don't you fucking get it?"

The sudden loss of composure from her made Piper quiet down instantly. She watched as Alex started to pace and after a few seconds, when she turned to face her again, Piper was stunned by how brightly tear-filled green eyes could glisten in near darkness.

"I can't do this without you, Pipes," her voice was choked up under the strain of keeping from crying.

"You don't have to," Piper started toward her.

"But I will, that's just it," Alex said, quickly extinguishing whatever plans Piper had of pledging her undying commitment. "I will have to because she's going to fucking kill you," she finished and a tired, sickening chuckle flitted out of her throat, making her feel sick to her stomach. "And she'll do it; she'll do it to torture me. And then she might as well take me because I couldn't…" that was all, Alex couldn't manage anymore.

It was enough having to live with thoughts of losing Piper but hearing the words spoken out loud absolutely crushed her. She struggled to steady her breath, not caring that the tears she fought so hard to contain were now streaming freely down her face. She kept her eyes trained on the floor, having no more courage to meet Piper's gaze full on. Not after what she had just said.

"There's something I have to do," her voice was barely audible but Alex knew Piper could hear her; she could feel her absolute attention even though she couldn't see her. "If I know you're going to be okay, then I stand a chance at being okay. But if I lose you…"

The floor she was staring at suddenly disappeared and Alex felt Piper's close proximity before her brain registered that she was now staring at her lover's boots instead of the concrete floor of the closet.

"Hey," Piper said softly, lifting her hand to brush the hair from Alex's downcast face.

"Don't," Alex said quickly, pulling her head away. The movement had revealed the broken flesh on her cheek and as vulnerable as she was feeling in that moment, she couldn't stand for Piper to be that close to the horror of it.

"Okay, you can tell me to stay out of this thing with you and Kubra's little bitch but you don't get to tell me I can't touch you."

"Piper, look at me," Alex said, shaking her head in total defeat. She was as broken on the outside as she was on the inside now. What could Piper possibly see in that?

"I am," Piper replied plainly. She touched a finger to Alex's chin to get her to look up and their eyes locked, burning into each other. "I am looking at you, Al."

She lifted her face to place a soft, lingering kiss on Alex's scarred cheek and the brunette closed her eyes to the sensation, a radiating warmth starting up in her middle. She turned her face so that Piper's mouth, without losing contact with her skin, found its way to her own lips that were smoldering in anticipation.

The kiss was gentle but deep. It wasn't the usual hunger fed by primal lust that usually brought them together. It was profoundly heartbreaking actually; each of them trying desperately to turn that one kiss into all the kisses they might never get to have. All the I love you's they'd never get to say, facing the reality of hearing something funny and looking up for that knowing smile but finding empty space instead…

Piper's fingers dug into her sides with an unyielding grip, pulling Alex against her more and more but knowing it was never going to be close enough. Never going to be… Breathing was not a priority between the two as they drank in every inch of each other that they could. Alex's unseeing hands moved up and clutched Piper's face to hers with the same desperation she could feel emanating from the blonde. Wanting nothing more than to reduce whatever space was left between them to nothing. Her fingers slipped on the telltale wetness on Piper's cheeks. She was grieving too, Alex thought, and she knew then that she had succeeded. Piper was telling her, without words, that she was going to do what was asked of her. A sense of relief washed over her then, smothering the tightly curled knots of fear that had been weighing her down. But instead of making her feel better, it only seemed to make more room for the unbridled anguish that was now taking over. The idea of Piper backing off when it was the total opposite of what she wanted instilled a different kind of anxiety in the pit of her stomach and Alex wondered if she would ever be okay again. If there would ever come a day when everything was fine and she and Piper could just be…

She was the one to break the embrace as she pulled away, breathless, the feel of Piper's uneven breathing causing a maddening tingle on her wet lips. Alex rested her head against hers and closed her eyes. They were still holding on to each other, Piper letting her arms complete their circle around her waist, her gently cradling her lover's face with both hands, relishing the feel of her soft skin - both wishing they could live out the rest of their days without ever letting go.

 **oitnboitnboitnb**

Alex's head dropped forward but snapped up again just as quickly. Blinking hard, she squinted into the darkness. As her focus returned, she made out the shape on the bed across from her. It was in the same position it had been a second ago. At least Alex hoped it was only a second. She was sitting up with her back against the wall, the entire dorm in darkness, the rhythmic breathing and light snores – in some cases not so light snores – creating a symphony of sleep. Sleep for everyone but her. Even Stella seemed to be getting the most out of Lights Out, a faint smile etched on her face. Alex wondered what someone so twisted could be dreaming about… how someone so twisted could look so benevolent when at rest…but it was all a façade. She knew that now, and even though Stella didn't seem to have any plans for her that night, Alex would be damned if she were caught off guard again.

 **oitnb**

Nicky lay stretched out on her back, her arms folded behind her head. Listening. She'd given up on sleep a few hours ago and accepted the fact that her night would be spent chasing ungodly images from her head while she waited to hear something that sounded like Alex in trouble. She tried talking her into slipping out and spending the night in her cube, but Alex refused flat out. She didn't want to draw unnecessary attention from Stella and Nicky supposed she was right. It had to be business as usual if Alex wanted to gain the upper hand over the crazy bitch. Usual… normal… the words had never felt more foreign to Nicky. Laying in bed, in prison, waiting to hear the sounds of her close friend's impending death… that was the normal she had to deal with now.

 **oitnb**

Piper tossed and turned restlessly, her blanket a twisted mess over her fully clothed form. She finally fell onto her back and stared up at the ceiling, giving up on any further attempts to pretend she was even remotely capable of something like sleep. There was nothing out of the ordinary in the dorm. Everything was as it should be. Except it wasn't. Piper sat up and swung her legs off the bed, ready to go over to Alex's cube and creep into bed with her. She had an urgent need to be with her all the time. As if seeing her alive would keep her that way. She waited, listened… nobody would know. She could spend the night there and sneak back really early and nobody would know. But she'd promised Alex that she would keep her shit together. Business as usual or risk everything. How could she just sit around and wait for the worst to happen though? She understood where Alex was coming from; the brunette had made that much clear when they last spoke. Seeing her come undone had really hit home with Piper and it was the only reason she had agreed to stay out of it. Alex argued that she needed to know Piper was safe before she could focus on dealing with Kubra's little puppet, and she reasoned if Piper kept out of it then she wouldn't be in danger. Piper thought that all Alex needed was to _think_ she was out of it. That would help her keep the focus she needed, and if that came at the cost of a little white lie then Piper was prepared to do it. Maybe it didn't even have to be a lie, Piper mused. She had promised to keep out of it… but Litchfield was filled with people who weren't her. People who hadn't made that promise.

 **oitnb**

Alex thought she heard movement and quickly glanced up at Stella's bed, but the form inside it was motionless aside from the steady rise and fall of the blanket that moved in time with her deep breathing. She turned her attention back to the notebook in front of her and more importantly, the list she was making. Sitting around doing nothing wasn't helping her mission to stay awake so Alex had decided to keep her brain stimulated by putting it to work. There was a lot of planning that needed to be done and now was a good a time as any. The soft scratching of the pencil on the page came to an abrupt halt as Alex once again glanced over at Stella. She could've sworn she had just heard footsteps. Again though, the woman seemed to be sleeping soundly. She shook her head and went back to her writing. She was obviously just feeling the effects of intense paranoia. Her head was a mess and the mess was now amplified by a raging headache thanks to her having to strain to see what she was writing in the dark.

 **oitnb**

"You're awake." Piper sounded grateful as she crouched down next to Nicky's bed.

"I've always been envious of your powers of observation, Chapman," Nicky replied.

"I have to talk to you," Piper said, the urgency plain in her terse whisper.

"Aw… and here I was thinking you came to snuggle. Way to break a girl's heart."

"Nicky, stop kidding around, this is serious. It's about Alex."

The mention of the name was enough to get Nicky to grow somber. Of course it was about Alex. She just didn't think she had it in her to discuss the topic that had been constantly plaguing her thoughts. Piper looked desperate though, and she had made a promise to look out for her. So there really was no choice in the matter now was there?

"What about her?" she asked, trying her best to sound disinterested and irritable. After all, Piper couldn't know just how much she shared her anxiety over the situation. She couldn't know how much she knew or what Alex had asked her to do.

"It's still in early planning stages but I think it could really work," the words flowed quickly, Piper's eyes gleamed… "I think I have a plan."


	7. Chapter 7

**Sorry for the wait but my muse has been so unruly of late! I've started two other fics (both OITNB Vauseman) and couldn't quit because it was coming hard and fast and you know the best thing to do when that happens right? Write! So anyway, this chapter takes on a different format that I tried out and I'm not sure how I feel about it but here it is. No proofs so forgive whatever and as a warning, nothing seems to happen here but EVERYTHING starts to happen here. This is it folks... thanks for sticking with it and as always, thanks for reviewing! I love it when you lay it on me nice and thick, like the words can come out of my monitor and caress me gently while my fingers create a symphony on the keyboard... yeah, like that:)**

* * *

It was barely 5am but Alex was already in the middle of her morning shower. The silence in the dorm had made the noise in her head seem even louder until she felt like jumping out of her skin at the slightest sound. She stood under the steady flow of the hot spray, indulging in the pearly beads of water jetting over her face and the rest of her body. Her skin felt alive under the constant pricks of heat that became little streamlets running down her legs and feet before disappearing into the drain. What felt the best was having that sensation doubled on the areas where her skin was still busy rebuilding itself. Her face, her neck; the pink rawness of it screaming under the searing temperature of the flowing water. Alex drowned herself in the feeling and allowed it to envelope her completely. The break was more than welcome after her endless night. Instead of reminding her of what she could look forward to from Stella, the pain made her feel more alive in her skin than she had felt in a very long time. It told her she was still there… and that was a hell of a lot better than the alternative.

She turned around and used one hand to brush the sticking veil of wet hair from her back and bring it around to hang over her shoulder. The flesh on her now exposed neck stung blissfully under the scalding cascade and it was like Alex could feel the jets slowly but surely drive the tension from her aching muscles. She let her head hang forward to give up more of her back to the water and a long sigh slowly fluttered from her lips at the soothing sensation. If it were up to her, she would stand there all day. Leave the world on the outside where it belonged. But reality was never too far away and Alex knew she'd already been in there longer than was allowed. With a heavy heart, she turned the faucet closed and stepped out of the shower, a thick billow of steam following her. Without her glasses, her vision was really bad but even with the steam clouding her compromised sight, Alex knew she was looking at Nicky by the definitive line her bushy-haired figure cut. She was still expecting to be alone because of the early hour and so found herself scrambling for the towel she left on the bench instead of taking it with her into the cubicle.

"How is it that somebody so beat up still manages to look so hot?" came Nicky's voice from the thinning steam cloud in the room.

Alex smiled as she straightened up and pulled her towel closed around her. She was used to Nicky's straight-shooting, forward way with words.

"It's a gift," she replied and put her glasses on. "Do you know what time it is?"

"Couldn't sleep. Too much shit going on," Nicky said, tapping the side of her head with her finger. "Figured a shower would turn it down a notch."

"Me too. And it does. God, that was the best I've had in a long time."

"Don't let Piper hear you say that," Nicky joked, causing Alex to let out a soft chuckle.

Her face straightened suddenly though and her head shot up.

"Where is she? How could you leave her alone?"

"Jesus, Vause, relax."

"No, I can't relax. You left Piper alone with her?"

"She's not alone – she's in a dorm filled with people and she's asleep. So is the other one. I checked before I came out here," Nicky explained and she noticed Alex relax a little.

"It's just-"

"Yeah, I get it, you're worried about her but you shouldn't be alone either."

Alex looked at Nicky and a frown slowly formed on her brow.

"What?" Nicky asked, starting to feel uncomfortable under her studying glare.

"Where's your towel?" Alex asked.

"My what?"

"You came to have a shower but you didn't bring anything." Alex mused. "Is that what you're doing here?" she asked, without giving Nicky a chance to respond. "You don't think I should be alone so what, you're babysitting me?"

Nicky could hear by her tone that Alex was getting upset. She had been commissioned to watch over Piper but what Alex didn't know was that a few hours earlier, Piper had commissioned her to do exactly the same for Alex. She bit her lip in frustration. How had she managed to get herself so royally caught up in the middle of these two?

"Look, I haven't slept at all and my head's a fucking mess. So I forgot my towel, so what? I'm not fucking babysitting you, Vause," Nicky lied and hoped it came off sounding okay.

"Nicky, I took a huge risk by telling you about what's going on. The only reason I did it was so that you could look out for Piper. I can't have you folding on me now."

"I'm not folding, okay!"

"You can't choose me over her," Alex persisted. She desperately needed to get through to Nicky about that one fact if nothing else.

"Would you listen to me for a second?" Nicky raised her voice. "I said I'll do it and I'll do it. So what, does that mean I have to watch her while she sleeps? That I can't take a fucking shower?"

Nicky's rising anger made Alex check her tone and she took a deep breath before speaking again.

"Sorry, I just really need her to be okay," she said finally, careful not to look at Nicky.

"I know that and I need you to cut me some slack over here."

"Okay, I'll back off," Alex replied.

"Good because I gotta tell you, you're not so hot when you're all controlling and shit."

"Fuck off," Alex said, laughing; the tension between them finally gone thanks to Nicky's smart mouth.

"Yeah, I think I will. Gotta grab my stuff and get back here before the queue from hell starts up."

 **oitnb**

Piper slipped soundlessly from her bed, still fully clothed from the day before. She made her way softly to Alex's cube. She had managed to fight the feeling of going to check up on her through the night; her talk with Nicky about her plans to keep Alex safe had helped put her mind a little at ease. She had to be careful not to smother Alex but for now she just needed to catch a glimpse of her before starting her day. Piper stopped short when she saw Alex's empty bed, neatly made. For a second her heart sank into her stomach but then Piper remembered that Alex had a routine of getting her shower out of the way early and that was probably where she was. Alone. This thought put her heart right back in her stomach and Piper spun around to check Nicky's cube. If she had listened, Piper would find her bed empty and she found herself hoping beyond hope that that would be the case. She let out a sigh of relief when she stepped in to Nicky's cube and found that she wasn't there. Unlike Alex though, Nicky had left her bed unmade. She obviously left in a hurry, Piper thought. At least she hoped that it was because she had to follow Alex to the shower. The whole point of this plan was to let Alex know that Piper wasn't crowding over her but now she felt a strong urge to go and check that Nicky was where she was supposed to be. She started making her way out of the dorm. What was the use of entrusting others to look out for Alex if she was just going to follow them around making sure they were doing it? Lost in her head for too long, Piper walked straight into Nicky as she came in. She quickly pulled her aside so they stood just outside of Alex's cube.

"What the hell are you doing here?" Piper asked, the urgency in her tone could be heard even though she was whispering. "Where's Alex?"

"Fuck, Chapman, if this is what it's going to be like then you can take your stupid plan to somebody else!" Nicky was feeling irritable after having been attacked by Alex for not being with Piper and now by Piper for not being with Alex. If she could, she would've split herself in two right then and there to make them both shut the hell up and leave her alone.

"You were supposed to-"

"I know what I'm supposed to do, okay? I was just with her. She was taking a shower, like she always does this time of the morning. So why are you freaking out? Nobody's awake, there's nobody around."

"That's exactly why I'm freaking out," Piper said. "It's because nobody's around that makes her an easy target."

Piper's explanation silenced Nicky. She had a point.

"I think I better talk to her," Piper went on. "Maybe she should think about changing up her routine. She can't be this predictable anymore."

"Well, good luck with that," Nicky said. "I'm sure that conversation will go down just swell considering the mood she's been in lately."

Nicky watched as Piper bit her lip anxiously. She could clearly read the fear etched on her face and her mind racing behind her eyes. Now that she was firmly stuck in the middle of the two of them, Nicky could feel the connection they shared as if it were a physical thing. Each loved the other in a way that was fierce and sometimes scary to witness. She thought about what the consequences of that would be if the worst had to happen. What if none of their plans worked and things ran the course that Kubra set out from the start? How was she going to pick up the pieces of Piper left behind? And if things swung the other way… would she be able to help Alex through being left behind? Nicky started to seriously question her role in the situation. She couldn't fathom how they both thought she was the best person to get help from at a time like this. Nicky Nichols, resident fuck up, who had nothing to show for herself except a series of magnificent failures.

"She trusts you," Piper's voice broke into Nicky's thoughts and she looked at her, not sure she had heard correctly. "She trusts you," Piper repeated herself off the puzzled look on Nicky's face. "and I do too. If I talk to her I might come off as the obsessive girlfriend but if you talk to her, you'd just be a concerned friend."

"I'll try," Nicky caved. There was no fight to that argument.

"Me too," Piper said, the excitement of having some sort of control over an uncontrollable situation back in her voice like the night before when she snuck into Nicky's cube. "I'm going to go find her. Thanks, Nicky," she ended before rushing out of the dorm.

Nicky swallowed hard, steeling herself against what the next few days might bring. She turned to look at the sleeping form of Stella, lying motionless in her bed. Nicky's hands balled into two tight fists at her side and her mouth formed a hard, straight line as she fought with everything in her not to pounce on the unsuspecting inmate. She pictured herself sitting on top of her and closing her hands around her thin neck, squeezing harder and harder…feeling the resistance snap and give way as Stella breathed her last breath. Nicky let out the breath she was holding and forced herself to walk away. Stella was lucky; this was not her battle to fight so for now, she could enjoy her sleep.

Only Stella wasn't asleep; she heard Nicky's footsteps fading quickly and allowed her eyes to drift open. She smiled to herself. How cute, Piper was trying to protect Alex from her inevitable demise. She had no idea who she was protecting her girlfriend from though. So Alex had told the truth when she said Piper didn't know anything about her role in this. Stella was still a mystery. For now. Although Piper was proving to be more of an obstacle as time passed and if she had any hopes of getting this done with a body count of one, she would have to act fast.

 **oitnb**

Alex wasn't in the mood for company but Piper talked her into having breakfast with the rest of the group. For the most part it wasn't so bad, the conversation going around was benign and gave Alex the opportunity to withdraw without anyone noticing. She kept her focus on the tray in front of her, listlessly scooping up a spoonful of sludge before letting it drop back into the bowl. She was worn out and tired and wanted to be alone. All she wanted was some space to think but for some reason that morning, being alone was an impossible task to accomplish.

"Alex," Piper called to her and she looked up questioningly. "You have to eat something."

"I'm not hungry," she mumbled in response and pushed the tray away from her.

"Here, have this," Piper persevered and held out an orange slice. She knew that Alex hated the food at Litchfield and so always ended up eating more of the fruit than anything else.

"I said I'm not hungry," Alex snapped and instantly regretted it because of the hurt look on Piper's face. "Sorry," she offered quickly. "I didn't get any sleep last night and I just…I don't know," she faltered.

"Maybe you'll feel better if you eat something," Piper offered timidly. Alex shot her a warning look that made her shrink back a little. "Or not."

"I'm going to take a walk. I need some air," Alex said and rose suddenly.

Piper stood to follow but Alex turned on her and held her hand up for Piper to stop.

"No, Pipes, just me."

Piper took her seat next to Nicky again, looking absolutely crestfallen but knowing that she was about to kick into high smothering gear - something she wasn't supposed to be doing.

"Give me a second to finish this and I'll go check on her," Nicky whispered to Piper, who was watching Alex's retreating form.

"No, it's okay," she said.

Nicky looked up in surprise. She was half expecting Piper to give her some speech about how Alex's safety being more important than eating and was about to make a snarky comment but fell back when she realized where it was coming from. Piper gave Morello the slightest of nods, which turned out to be some kind of signal because she rose quickly from her seat and made her way out of the cafeteria.

"Are you fucking kidding me?" Nicky asked.

"What?" Piper responded innocently.

"She's in on this too? What are you doing? Who else have you been blabbing your fat mouth to?"

"Relax, Nicky. Between the five of us we'll be able to-"

"Five?!" Nicky checked herself when she realized her raised voice was getting unwanted attention from others around them. "Piper, oh my god, if this gets out…"

"It won't. And I haven't told them anything other than what they need to know."

"Which is?"

"Look, they've seen her. They know something's going on. I just asked them, as a friend, to help me look out for her."

"If Vause catches on to what you're doing…"

"She won't. So just relax, okay?"

Nicky just shook her head but took the cue to keep her mouth shut on the topic. Piper was playing with fire and wasn't ready to listen to her so if she got burned, that was her problem. Or was it? Nicky wasn't sure how much responsibility she had for the runaway train that was Piper Chapman. If it came out, would Alex come down on her for not having more control over Piper? Fuck it, Nicky thought. Alex knew better than to think anyone could contain her girlfriend.

 **oitnb**

Alex pulled her jacket tightly around her as she crossed her arms over her chest. There was a bite in the morning air but a part of her welcomed the refreshing feeling of the chilled breath filling her warm insides as she made her slow walk around the track. Finally, a moment to herself and she had to piss off Piper to get it. She knew she'd hear about it when she saw her later but it was necessary. Even outside in the open air, it felt as if the walls were closing in on her with each passing second. Inside, with Piper at every turn, only increased her sense of being boxed in. Alex had a feeling that she was running out of time and the pressure to act was growing. Now that she knew whom she was up against, she could formulate some kind of plan. Stella worked in electrical, ate by herself most of the time, showered late… Alex went over the details in her mind, trying to find the space that would allow her to enter and manipulate events so that she could do what she had to do. And what was that exactly? She'd never been any kind of pushover but taking a life… that was a whole other story. Alex Vause could fight for what she wanted, but kill? Was that who she'd become? Her thoughts drifted to her mother and her heart sank even more. Of all the ways she had fucked up in her life, leading up to that moment she never really felt ashamed of anything. There might have been regret yes, but never shame. What would Diane say if she knew what her baby girl was about to do?

Alex blinked hard to clear the tears that were welling up in her eyes and stopped walking. She was the only one outside. The only one apart from Morello, whose shoelace had suddenly come undone. Alex watched as she quickly went down on one knee to fix it. If it was going to happen, it would have to be out here, she thought. Maybe the greenhouse, the shed… she would have to take some time to find secluded areas around the yard. Then she would have to think about how to do it. She had Stella on length and build, there was no question she could take her. But Stella was crazy and she had gotten the upper hand over Alex twice before. She would need a weapon. Alex started walking again, this time making her way back inside to give up the fresh outdoors for her work duty in the stuffy laundry. The last time she was in there, Stella had caught her off guard. Alex made a mental note to check out the laundry while she was down there. _What's the next category, Bill? Well, it's Possible Places to Kill Stella, of course._ A sick laugh escaped her and she shook her head at the stupid thoughts swimming around in there. Maybe Stella wasn't the only crazy one in this mess of a situation.

 **oitnb**

"Inmate! You're late. That's a shot."

Both Piper and Nicky looked up to see Stella standing at the door of the workshop, frozen like a deer caught in headlights at Luschek's booming voice. Piper stifled a laugh but Nicky absolutely glowered at her. She wasn't sure how long she would have to keep up the charade and found herself hoping that Alex would do something about Stella sooner rather than later.

"I was with Counselor Healy," Stella explained, still not moving from her spot at the door.

"The shot stands until your story can be confirmed, inmate. Now sit down," Luschek ordered.

Much to Nicky's dismay, Stella took up a seat at her and Piper's table. They were busy going through some wiring training and to keep herself from saying or doing something she might regret, Nicky busied herself with the circuits in front of her, staring a little too hard at the tangle of wires until they swam into a blur before her eyes. Still, she didn't dare look up.

"Guess what…" Stella said to Piper, unable to keep the excitement from her voice.

"What?" Piper asked, playing along.

"That transfer I asked about… I got it."

"Transfer?" Nicky's head shot up, she was too interested now to pretend otherwise. "You're leaving?" Good god let her say yes!

"Leaving?" Stella laughed. "I wish. I'm being assigned a new bunk mate."

"Oh," Nicky responded dryly and went back to the circuits in front of her.

"I'm happy for you," Piper added but she was insincere. Honestly, with everything going on in her life at that moment, she could care less about the sleeping arrangements of another inmate.

"It's such a relief," Stella carried on, even though Piper and Nicky gave no indication that they wanted to hear more. "I mean, you obviously saw her face."

Nicky felt her own face burn red with anger as she realized who Stella was talking about. Why would she want to change bunks if her current assignment kept her up close and personal with her target? What was her angle? And why the fuck was she playing up to Piper about it?

"Look, I think it's great that you get to move but it's best if you just stay out of whatever is going on with Alex," Piper said and went back to looking through the training manual they were given.

It was a bunch of gibberish anyway but Piper wanted to seem busy so that Stella would leave her alone. She was getting a weird vibe off her, so different from when she first got there. Her initial run-ins with Stella had been light and fun, something Piper enjoyed if she were honest. It was innocent though; she had no intentions of taking it any further. All it did was serve as a distraction through the whole drama with Alex. Looking at Stella sitting next to her right then, the look in her eyes made Piper uncomfortable. Something wasn't right.

"I know you know more than you're saying. She's your girlfriend; of course you know what's going on."

"Are you deaf?" Nicky chipped in, unable to bite her tongue any longer. "Didn't she just tell you to stay the fuck out of it?"

"Maybe I was too hasty in my decision to move," Stella said, her gaze shifting between Piper and Nicky. "I mean, if this was a general thing, if anyone was in danger you would've said something. But you haven't, which makes me think that maybe it's because Vause is the only target. Wow, she must have gotten herself into a huge chunk of trouble."

"Oh my god, I can't take this," 'Nicky said and got up suddenly. She grabbed her things and starting piling them together. "How am I supposed to get any work done with your constant fucking yap yap yapping!"

"Inmate!" Luschek bellowed his warning.

"I'm done, I'm done," Nicky called to Luschek in appeasement, as she took her things and went to sit at a different workstation.

The woman made her skin crawl and it took every ounce of self-control she had, which wasn't a lot to begin with, to not give away the fact that she knew exactly who she was and what she was doing. But she had a very good friend to protect and she'd be damned if she had anything to do with Alex's downfall. No, as hard as it was, she was going to do as she had been told. If that meant keeping her distance so she wouldn't be tempted to cut the bitch, then that's what she would do. Stella wouldn't try anything on Piper right there in the open so things were cool for now, Nicky thought, but still didn't take her eyes off them for one second.

"Now with grumpy pants out of the way, are you going to tell me?" Stella asked Piper in a lowered voice.

"You ever hear the saying curiosity killed the cat?" Piper shot back, more irritated with her snooping after it made Nicky leave the table.

"Was that a threat?" Stella laughed despite Piper's seriousness. She had hit a nerve and she enjoyed it.

"That was advice," Piper responded without missing a beat. "Nosiness is not a good characteristic to display in prison. You once told me you want to keep out of trouble, do your time and get out. So do it," Piper ended.

Stella watched with a wry smirk on her face as Piper got up to join Nicky at the other workstation. Things were heating up, just as she had planned.

 **oitnb**

"They may not be the most flattering of ensembles but I was really surprised at how comfortable these khaki getups are. Don't you think?"

Alex rolled her eyes without the slightest inclination to hide her weariness. Brook Soso had been talking her head off since she got down there and gave no sign of letting up any time soon. She had tried switching jobs and moved from loading the dryer to the sorting area but the little Asian followed closely behind.

"What do you think? How do you find them?" Brook pressed for an answer, much to Alex's chagrin.

"How do I find them? Is this fucking fashion week or prison? I'm confused."

"I was just trying to make conversation," Brook sounded hurt when she spoke.

"I know, sorry," Alex replied, her tone a little softer as sympathy for Brook set in. "I'm just really tired."

She had noticed how much dissension she was getting from the other inmates and could see that she was struggling to fit in. Something about that struggle was very personal to Alex, who had that same problem as a kid and it made her soften up to the awkward Asian. Still, the constant rambling was driving her crazy because it kept clashing with her own thoughts running rampant in her head. For the first time in a long time, Alex felt she could do with a stiff drink. Right now though, she'd settle for a break before lunch. The staleness of the laundry always affected her mood and being hungry and overtired wasn't helping; all she could think about was getting out of there. Alex started out and halfway down the hall became aware of hurried footsteps behind her. She spun round to find Brook, who had a guilty look on her face.

"What are you doing?" Alex asked, trying to keep her voice as level as possible but feeling her agitation rising.

"Bathroom," she answered after some hesitation. "I need the bathroom."

"So then go," Alex said as she stepped aside for Brook to move past.

She didn't. She just stood there looking bewildered and confused.

"Okay, what is it?"

Sensing that Alex's patience with her was on a slippery slope, Brook floundered for words. This wasn't supposed to happen. Piper had specifically told her to keep in the background, but background was something she had never been good at. Besides, Alex looked like she could use someone to talk to. How could she deny her that?

"I… you see, the thing is…. I…" Brook stammered nervously under Alex's expectant gaze.

"You what? Spit it out."

"like you," Brook said finally. "Yeah, I like you." She exhaled a loud sigh of relief at having come up with something to say, even if it didn't make sense at all.

Alex was stunned by the unexpected response and looked at the Asian with a half smile of surprise and amusement.

"A lot, actually and I know that you're with someone and you're probably not looking for anything… else right now," the words came fast and she wasn't even thinking about what she was saying but Brook felt the more she spoke, the better. "but I just wanted to maybe get you alone somewhere and talk, you know, about feelings. My feelings. For you. And maybe we could talk about whether or not you have some feelings that maybe aren't so right to have right now because you're with… with someone…"

Alex stood rooted to the spot. Of everything that could've happened to her that day, this was the most unlikely. Yet here she was, listening to Brook confess her what… crush? Infatuation? Alex found it all too amusing and the simple act endeared Brook to her even more. She was sweet. A little much on the talkative side but a sweet kid nonetheless. The best part of it all was that Alex actually felt herself liking the attention. It made her feel more human and less like an animal being hunted down.

"Wow, that's… that's really sweet," Alex said eventually. "But I can't, I mean, there are no feelings, Brook, I'm sorry."

"O- okay," Brook nodded, feeling a strange disappointment even though it was all an act.

"Don't waste your time on me," Alex went on. "You're really nice and I'm sure you'll find someone who can appreciate that."

Brook smiled, feeling a sense of comfort and maybe even friendship from Alex. Was it an act after all? Could she have been telling the truth? She barely knew Alex, how could she feel anything for her? The only reason she agreed to do this in the first place was because she thought it would win favor with Piper. Maybe her need to have Piper as a friend was because she secretly had feelings for Alex and being close to Piper meant she would be close to Alex? Brook's head was racing with such confusion that it took her a while to notice that she was standing alone in the hallway and Alex was long gone.

 **oitnb**

Nicky ran the fingers of her one hand through her hair and tousled her already unruly curls even more. A manual that might as well have been written in hieroglyphics was balanced in the other hand and she couldn't make head or tails of it all. The only television in Litchfield stood on a stand beside her with the back entirely removed, revealing a complex tangle of wires in different colors. Nicky was alone and felt the pressure to get it working as soon as possible after being threatened by Taystee, who yelled at her about some Discovery Channel rerun of a rerun that wasn't going to be run again. She knew that there were some inmates who lived and breathed for their time in the TV room and that was why she didn't want to be the one to fuck it up.

"Okay, so according to this… I think," Nicky said to herself, "the blue wire should be disconnected…here," she promptly stuck a screwdriver in at the spot where the aforementioned blue wire joined with the metal casing.

The screwdriver was flung from her hand before Nicky heard the loud pop and only after she became aware of the numb ache in her right hand that was slowly traveling up her arm, did she register that orange sparks had shot out the back of the television where she had connected with the stupid tool.

"Ignoring the most important rule of electronics can get you killed."

Nicky looked up, still reeling from the shock and as if her brain was intent on playing its game of delayed comprehension, Stella was right next to her before she realized who it was that had spoken.

"Are you okay?" she asked, taking Nicky's hand to have a closer look.

Nicky tugged away from her quickly, as if she was being shocked again. She wasn't quite able to form anything close to words just yet but hoped her reaction spelled out how much she didn't want the woman anywhere near her, let alone touching her. Stella held up both her hands and backed away. She moved around and pulled the plug from the wall, waving the cord at Nicky.

"Seriously?" she asked, and dropped the cord as she made her way back to where Nicky was standing.

Stella peered into the back of the old television to survey the damage. Nicky felt herself taking a few steps back; she didn't like being alone in there with her. She wasn't sure what she was more afraid of – what Stella might do to her or what she might do Stella. Either way, she wasn't in the mood to find out just yet.

"It doesn't look like you fucked up that badly. It should be fine. Hand me that, will you?" Stella asked, motioning to the manual that now lay on the floor at Nicky's feet.

She still had no response for Stella and just stood there cradling her hand, thinking about what her next move should be.

"Are you sure you're okay?" Stella turned to look at her, inspecting her face closely.

"I'm fine," Nicky eventually spoke, not bothering to keep the edginess she was feeling from her tone. "You can go, I've got this," she added and pushed Stella roughly aside to take her previous stance behind the television.

"Uh, clearly you haven't," Stella snarked. "Give me the book and I'll guide you through it."

"Jesus, what's it going to take to get you to back the fuck off?" Nicky finally exploded.

"What?" Stella asked, genuinely bemused.

"I said I've got this under control so just go," Nicky repeated and turned her attention back to the manual not for anything but just so she wouldn't have to look at Stella.

"Oh my god, is this about Chapman?"

The complete nonsensical logic of the question surprised Nicky into forgetting that she was supposed to be ignoring Stella and she met her questioning gaze with the baffled one on her own face.

"I don't know why I didn't see it before," Stella continued. "You're jealous," she let out a loud laugh that was further fueled by the indignation on Nicky's face.

"Jealous of what exactly?" Nicky hated that she was having such an effect on her. What was the woman on about? That ever-present smirk irritated the shit out of Nicky and she wished she could just wipe it off her face. With a chair.

"Well, it's obvious that there's a certain kind of… chemistry between us – Chapman and me. It's also clear that that's something you don't like very much. You like her, don't you?" Stella ended.

That was all Nicky needed to hear to get her nerve back and she burst out laughing. She might have put a little more into it than was necessary but she over-committed because she saw that her reaction had thrown Stella, who was now the one looking confused for a change, that smirk finally off her stupid face.

"Are you fucking kidding me?" Nicky finally managed to say as she caught her breath. "Are you blind or just mind-numbingly stupid? Or maybe you're just so wrapped up in your warped little head that you can't see things for what they are…"

Nicky had her on the back foot now and Stella's stunned silence only propelled her further into her tirade.

"Chapman and Vause," she started to explain.

"Yeah, I know, they're a thing," Stella finished for her.

"A thing? No, no, no… Trust me, you don't want to fuck with the two of them. They go back way before this fucked up place."

"I heard, but people are interchangeable – the thing we all want is the feeling we get from them. At the end of the day it's just love," Stella reasoned.

"Yeah well I've seen people die for less," Nicky argued, hoping her warning was loud and clear as she held Stella's gaze a little longer than was necessary.

 **oitnb**

The Heart is a Lonely Hunter. Brook had offered the novel to Piper a week before, with the suggestion that she let herself be taken somewhere some time - as opposed to being consumed alive by the living, breathing beast that was Litchfield. Of course Piper brushed the Asian's suggestion aside like she did with most anything the girl had to say. Now, sitting on her bed, book in hand, Piper realized that she'd stumbled upon (or was force fed) the first page turner she'd read in ages. If only she could actually turn the page… She glanced down at the sleeping form of Alex, who was stretched out on the bed with her, head in Piper's lap. She was holding on to Piper's free hand, their fingers interlaced in a way that made the contact feel like it's own kind of life force, and every time Piper tried to pull herself free, Alex would just tighten her grip. Even in her sleep she was hell bent on holding on to her while she still could.

A panic stricken Brook had run into Piper earlier that morning, babbling endlessly about having lost Alex and after a few minutes of panic herself, Piper finally found her curled up and fast asleep behind the podium in the chapel. She had looked so vulnerable in that moment that Piper's first instinct was to set up some kind of official guard beside her. She decided to bring Alex back to her bunk, where it would be more comfortable. The brunette was much too weary to protest and followed Piper soundlessly before crashing onto the bed and going right back to where she had been a few minutes before.

Judging by the peaceful expression on her sleeping face, Piper knew that her sleep was deep and without nightmares. That was good. It was also why she kept checking on her, to make sure that nothing sinister crept up on Alex in the seconds she would use to look away and read a passage of text. Actually, it was the same passage of text over and over for the past few minutes. Piper gingerly lifted her other hand to turn the page that was now burning a hole into her brain. Her fingers were still entwined with those of Alex so that the action brought the brunette's arm up with hers.

"You know that's attached, right?" Alex's voice was deeper when filled with sleep, her eyes were still closed.

"Shhh, go back to sleep. We still have a few minutes before count."

Alex turned onto her back, her eyes fluttering open wearily. Once they were open, they locked on Piper's gaze and stayed there.

"What's that face?" Piper asked eventually.

"I'm trying to think of the last time I woke up with you… but I can't," Alex said, this time the thickness in her voice was because of sadness, not sleep.

She had never been more desperate to remember every second of her life with Piper and it terrified her to find that there was so much that was already faded from memory. It terrified her not because of what she was losing but because if they were fading from her, they might be fading from Piper too. The thought of being forgotten by the only person she cared to be remembered by caused a cold sense of dread to steal across her heart that she absolutely could not bear. Alex sat up then, sidling up close beside Piper until there was no longer any clear definition between the two bodies sitting side by side on the bed.

"Thanks," she said, bumping her shoulder into Piper's in a way that made them both sway to the side. "I needed that."

"Sure, feel better?"

Alex answered with a soft smile, her gaze not leaving Piper's for even a second. She didn't answer on purpose. Would she ever feel better? No, she preferred to sidestep that question for now.

"Remember that Halloween party we went to one year? With what's her face… one leg shorter than the other… voice sounded like nails on a chalkboard?"

"Felicity!" Piper answered, a huge grin spreading on her face as the memory came to light. "Oh my god, that was a great party. You were Catwoman."

"Rocked the pleather."

"Mmm, those spike heeled boots..." Piper added, her eyes taking on a glazed look as she let her mind go back to the night in question.

"I killed it, I know. You were The Penguin," Alex burst out laughing. "That was so fucked up."

"I was trying to make a point," Piper said defensively.

"And that was?"

"I can't remember," she replied and they both started laughing. "We got so wasted that night. I think I blacked out." A frown creased Piper's forehead as she struggled to piece together broken bits of memories from that night. "You threw your glasses at the DJ!" she said as if it came to her in a flash, the laughter starting all over again.

"He wouldn't take my fucking request, asshole. What was it?"

"Frankie Goes to Hollywood," they blurted out at the same time, resulting in more fits of laughter.

"Great party that night," Alex said, her amusement subsiding and making way for pleasant nostalgia.

"Great sex later that night," Piper's laughter was gone now too.

"Mmmmm." Alex closed her eyes so the past could take her, wishing it would never give her back.

"I made you keep the boots on."

"That you did," Alex said, a mischievous smile on her lips.

When she looked at Piper she saw the blonde's eyes locked on her. She could tell that Piper was feeling the same kind of desperation for the past that she was experiencing in that moment.

"Pipes, I want to tell you something..."

"No," Piper replied instantly, shaking her head and turning so she could face Alex directly.

"Piper -"

"No, Alex, I mean it. Don't." Piper's face was stern as she spoke.

She knew where this was going and didn't want to go there. It was written all over Alex's expression. She was about to do something stupid like talk about love or leaving, or dying...

"You can tell me when this whole thing is over, okay? Tell me then."

Alex dropped her eyes to her hands in her lap and just shook her head slowly. What if that chance never came? Piper clearly didn't want to face the reality of the situation, which was fine. She had every right to stay in her little delusional world where everything always worked out okay. This time, though, it was stopping Alex from saying what she needed to say in case... She didn't want to leave without telling Piper... telling her what exactly? She knew she loved her. She knew what she meant to her. Maybe she was right... maybe she didn't have to say anything.

"Okay," Alex finally gave in and looked up to see Piper watching her expectantly. Her acquiescence made the blonde visibly relax and she moved in closer to Alex again, taking up her original position.

"Okay," Piper echoed and leaned in to her, stopping short of brushing her lips against Alex's, wanting the last move to be hers.

The move didn't come immediately though; Alex let her eyes take in the wanting face in front of her, her lower lip clutched between her teeth in an effort to keep it there just a little longer. She wanted to keep this one, this moment - emblazon it in her mind's eye. Piper's face, the soft skin, her open, gleaming blue eyes, her chin, her mouth, her soft, soft lips... Alex leaned in to her then, finally ready to close what was left of the space between them.

Piper didn't move as Alex lightly brushed her lips against hers, the sensation of the sudden touch where there was nothing just seconds ago made them tingle hot with anticipation. Alex sensed her restraint and shadowed it, working with tantalizing slowness as she let her tongue trace a deliberate line along Piper's lower lip before flicking at her upper lip with a come hither motion. The blonde yielded to it almost instantly and melted into her, allowing Alex to take whatever she wanted. Everything that ever existed blurred into nothing as they worked their way into each other with a purposeful determination that was unhurried, but dangerously swaying on the edge of self control.

"This is absurd!" Red's voice reverberated through the dorm and the sound ripped through the bubble Alex and Piper had so carefully formed.

They pulled apart and looked first at each other questioningly and then both jumped up to see what was happening. When Piper got to the entrance to her cube she saw Red being ushered towards them by CO O'Neill. He nudged her forward every now and then because the Russian didn't seem to want to comply.

"I want to speak to Healy. Now!" Red persisted but just got another push from the CO.

"Who do you think gave the order?" he said bitterly, not impressed by her arguing.

"What's going on?" Piper asked when a fuming Red finally reached the cube they shared.

"It's this place," Red said, "it's going to shit and it's because of the pieces of shit they have running it."

"Enough inmate, let's get going," O'Neill warned.

Red pushed into the dorm past Piper and Alex and walked over to her bed. The pair watched as she furiously ripped the blanket and sheet from it. O'Neill tossed an empty box at Red and the confused pair had to duck out of the way as it came flying past their heads into the cube.

"What's happening?" Piper asked again, this time mimicking Red's glare at CO O'Neill.

Alex watched as Red proceeded to fill the box she was given with the items from her desk, flinching every time an object crashed into it.

"New bunk assignment," O'Neill replied to Piper.

"What? Why?"

"Step outside, you two," O'Neill barked at her, not remotely interested in answering her questions.

"But-"

"Outside! Now!"

"Piper, let's just go," Alex said in an effort to stop the insubordination that she knew was about to happen. She took Piper by the arm and led her out of the cube.

"They can't do that," Piper said. "They can't just-" the rest of her sentence died as she bumped nose-first into Alex, who had suddenly and without warning stopped dead in her tracks.

Piper peered her head over Alex's shoulder to see what the hold-up was and met Stella's smiling face. If it could even be called a smile; the expression gave Piper the chills. The new inmate was standing a few feet from them and her arms were laden with folded bedding that obscured the entire top part of her body.

"Hey roomie," Stella said, the sickening grin on her face growing even wider.

* * *

 **dun dun dun...**


	8. Chapter 8

**Thank you all once again for the reviews, favs and follows. Love it when you lay them feels on me:) I should tell you that copious amounts of white wine was involved in the writing of this chapter. How else was I going to get through it? And because of the nature of the chapter, I didn't want to re-read, proof or even think about it again. So of course, mistakes there may be a-plenty but you gotta go easy on me here. I barely managed to post, hence the wait...**

* * *

 **Chapter Eight**

"Have you seen Alex?" Piper asked anxiously. She caught up with Nicky making her way to the cafeteria.

"I'm on after lunch," Nicky replied a little irritably. "Doesn't Soso have her now?"

"No, she was just with me but after the whole drama with Red and Stella she just walked off and–"

"Whoa whoa whoa — what drama with Stella?"

"The transfer she was talking about this morning, it was to my cube," Piper explained. "Of course Red wasn't too happy about it. I don't know what got into Alex though; she just –"

"Stella was assigned to your cube?" Nicky asked, serious concern scored into every line on her face. "How the fuck did she get that right?"

"Am I talking to myself?" Piper snarked. "Are you even listening to me right now?"

"Where is she?" Nicky asked urgently, ignoring Piper's belligerence to focus on the more pressing matter of Stella.

"I don't know! I'm trying to find her!"

"Not Alex… Stella," Nicky said desperately.

"Moving in, the smug bitch. I can't believe I have to bunk with her."

Nicky let out the breath she was anxiously holding in a heavy sigh. Good; Stella was accounted for even though Alex wasn't. At least they could rule out the fact that the sick fuck was with her. Well, _she_ could rule it out anyway. Piper was still hopelessly oblivious to Stella's role in everything.

"Go find Vause; I have to check on something," Nicky said abruptly and started toward the dorm without waiting for a response from Piper.

Alex had asked her to watch over Piper. Piper had asked her to keep guard over Alex. What they were both missing was that nobody was watching Stella. She was free to do as she pleased and this last development proved that she was closing in.

 **oitnb**

She knew it. She just didn't know she knew it. The restlessness, the hyper-alertness bordering on paranoia. Of course she knew. The indulgent shower she had started her day with, even though it was against the rules. She must've known it would be today. The methodical mental mapping of possible places to get Stella alone. The sudden desperation to catapult herself back to the past. Out of Litchfield. With Piper.

Piper.

Alex closed her eyes and let the darkness of the supply closet envelope her. She fought to get back to the last good moment she had with Piper. On her bed, the feel of her, the taste of her… It wouldn't come; she was already gone.

She knew it would be today but instead of stepping the fuck up, she was in here, freaking the fuck out. There was no time to lose her shit now, and yet Alex felt herself slipping. This was the moment she'd been hurtling toward from the day she arrived back in this godforsaken place, and yet she felt herself back-peddling. One more day, she thought. More time, she appealed. To an unseeing being with deaf ears because here she was, no more days left. No more time. And everything riding on whether she could get her shit together or not.

"You stupid bitch." The words came out choked with tears. She wasn't speaking to Stella, but to the only person in there with her. "You did this!" She spat the words like venom and plowed her fist into one of the boxes on the shelf in front of her. The release that came from the exertion felt good and Alex did it again. "You put her here!" And again. "This is all. Your. Fucking. Fault." She used her pummeling fists to punctuate her sentence as they landed with heavy, painful thuds on the boxes and random objects until it wasn't enough anymore. Her hands were grazed open but it wasn't enough.

The slipping transformed into a freefall and Alex unraveled completely, grabbing wildly at anything she could find around her and smashing it to the ground. The tears were blinding but instead of slowing her down, it only made her groping more desperate and deliberate. The walls started their suffocating advance as they closed in on her, forcing her to fight even harder for the morsels of air her lungs were screaming for but refused to contain. The lack of air made the ringing in her ears grow louder and that just made the red in front of her eyes brighter, more pronounced.

Strong arms appeared from behind her out of nowhere and clamped down around Alex's flailing, pinning her own arms to her side. Fuck, she had lost control and made too much noise and now she was going off to the SHU, leaving Stella unchecked. She couldn't let that happen. Alex fought hard against the vice enclosing her. What was she going to do? Take out a CO? Forget the SHU, that'll take her to Max for sure. As long as she had time to get it done, Alex didn't care in that moment. She used the last of her strength to force her arms up and break the stronghold on her. In a flash she turned on the form behind her and slammed it up against the door, forcing her right forearm into its neck in a modified choke-hold to pin it down.

"Alex! Stop!" the voice gagged.

Alex froze as her eyes locked on piercing blue ones, the pupils dilated all the way, forming a black abyss that hypnotized her.

"Piper," it came out in a whimper, her breath fast and ragged. "What the fuck are you doing here?" She stepped back and ran her fingers fretfully through her hair.

"What the fuck are _you_?" Piper shot back as she rubbed her neck. "Look at this place! Are you crazy? If anyone found you before I did…."

Alex's back was turned to her and Piper's voice trailed away as she noticed the emphasized rise and fall of her shoulders. She rushed over and as soon as Piper's hands made contact with her, Alex doubled over. Her hands clutched at her chest as if that would force her lungs to do what they were made to do but it didn't work. They didn't listen. She couldn't breathe. The red that was clouding her vision earlier had given way to black… deep black dotted with stars.

"Alex… Al! Look at me." Piper cradled her face in both her hands to force her gaze up as the rest of her crumpled to the floor. Still holding on to her, Piper followed her down. "Al, you have to breathe. _Look at me!"_ She said it more sternly this time, pressing down hard with her hands to clench the brunette's face tightly.

The unexpected force, both from her tone and her hands, made Alex look up. Piper stared into her terrified eyes and felt a rush of horror start in the pit of her stomach. The tangle of knots that had been living there writhed and lurched at the sight of her. How could this be the same person she was with just a few minutes ago? This was Kubra. Piper realized the weight of what was going on — what Alex refused to share with her — was what finally brought her to her knees. Alex had fallen. She was broken. And it killed Piper to think that she was on the outside of it all when she was supposed to be the one to help her stay standing.

"That's it," she said, softer this time. "Just keep looking at me. Just… breathe." She made her own breathing visibly deep and slow as a guide for Alex to copy and, her hands still gripped around her lover's face, she saw it start to work.

Alex's chest heaved as she forced air into her lungs, irregular at first but slowly evening out the longer she kept at it. Piper relaxed her hold on her. The cradling hands were no longer needed to keep her in place but instead of removing them, she gently stroked her lover's wet cheeks. There was something in that contact and she wasn't going to take it away from her right then. She kept her eyes locked on the brilliant green ones before her and willed Alex to return to calm through her own, modeled breathing. Her eyes stung but she used whatever strength she wasn't giving to Alex right then to fight back the tears.

"There you go. Breathe…"

The last of the tension finally dissipated and Piper felt the taut bundle that had become Alex's body slump into submission. They were both on the floor, faces an inch apart, staring into each other.

"Well, that was dramatic," Piper smirked.

A halted, breathless chuckle left Alex and she straightened, lifting her face from Piper's hands even though losing the warm touch made her feel cold and alone again.

"Did I hurt you?" she asked solemnly, studying Piper's neck and noticing the garish bruise that had already formed.

"I'm fine; it's you I'm worried about. What the hell happened? One minute you were fine and the next you're in here…"

"I'm doing it today," Alex said, her voice flat and detached, far removed from the intensity she had just experienced. "It has to be today."

"Why?"

Because _she's_ going to do it today, the thought announced itself loudly in Alex's head. That's what she didn't know she knew. Seeing Stella show up at Piper's cube drove it home though. She had no choice now. She had to be fine whether she was fine or not. Alex didn't know if it was post-meltdown serenity or the fact that Piper was there to draw strength from but that stoic sense of control she was looking for earlier was starting to snake its way into her. She could feel it take over as her breathing started to slow back down to normal. The tears that first seemed to have no end finally left her eyes dry and focused. No shaking hands. Steady resolve. She couldn't let it get to Lights Out and have Piper turn down for the night with Stella in there with her.

"I don't have a choice," she said.

"Alex, you can't just walk up to her and slit her throat. This is prison."

"And killing someone anywhere else would be easier?"

The stark admission of what Alex had to do caused a stunned silence to descend over them then. Suddenly everything that had just been talk was becoming real. Suddenly it had reached a point where they were saying it out loud instead of alluding to it in a sideways manner.

"You have to be careful. No-one can know, especially her. She can't see it coming. Have you thought about where you're going to do it? And how?"

"It's all I've been thinking about, Pipes."

"The greenhouse," Piper said finally. "The shed. The shower I guess, but that would take crazy planning to get her in there alone. And then you'd have to think about getting out with nobody seeing you."

"You've obviously been thinking about this a lot."

"Let me help you. You can't do this alone. You need someone to-"

"No," Alex cut in quickly. "I don't want you anywhere near this. Whichever way it goes down, you can't be close to it."

"Whichever way?" A chilling fear crept up on Piper. "Alex-"

"Look, I'm not going to give up. I promise you, I'm going to fight this with everything I have. God knows I owe you that much. But we can't think the worst won't happen."

"It can't be today," Piper was desperate to eke out more time. Could they already be out of it so soon? "You need time to plan this properly. You need to find a way to surprise her. Lull her into a false sense of security."

"Who are you?" Alex asked, finding amusement in Piper's sudden calculated killer instinct, despite the bleak situation they were in.

"I've been thinking about it a lot."

Their eyes found each other again and this time there was no more fear or desperation or anxiety. Just sadness caused by an intense sense of knowing and accepting. It would be today.

"I have to go," Alex said softly.

"Where? Alex, don't–"

"I need you to wait for me to find you."

"No."

"I mean it, Pipes. Don't come looking for me." Alex rose slowly and held out her hand to help Piper up. She didn't spend too long thinking it might be the last time she had Piper's hand in hers. "You might make lunch if you hurry." She placed a gentle kiss on Piper's forehead before moving past the dazed blonde. She didn't spend too long thinking it might be the last time her lips made contact with Piper's soft skin.

"Alex, wait." The plea made Alex stop, her hand waiting on the door handle. Piper's resolve had faded to nothing. She wasn't interested in stupid games anymore. The chance of not getting Alex back was more real than ever and she wasn't ready. "Earlier… in my cube… you said you wanted to tell me something. What was it?"

Alex didn't respond immediately. Time could have come to a standstill right then, giving her an open opportunity to pour her heart out, but she knew that she could live to be a hundred and still not find the right words. Because there weren't any. Spoken for the last time to the only person you've ever really loved your whole life — no matter how carefully chosen — those words would always be lacking. It would never be enough. There was nothing right about leaving someone behind. So what do you do? Say things that would make it easier for the person being left? Even if saying those things would make it so much harder for you to leave?

"I have no idea what you're talking about, kid," Alex said with a sad smile, and then she was gone.

 **oitnb**

Morello was seated at a table in the library, nose-deep in one of the backdated magazines. Every now and then she would glance up to make sure Alex was where she had last seen her and every time she would be. The brunette restlessly paced the aisle directly opposite her, only ever breaking her stride when an inmate walked in. Alex would take a second to check who it was before taking up her original task of thinning out the carpet under her feet. After a good few minutes of this, the monotony was finally broken when Nicky breezed in. She had clearly been summoned, because she walked straight over to the aisle where Alex was trying to keep out of sight.

"You got my message?"

"Message? I'm just hanging out. I like the smell of the books; it relaxes me. Funny running into you though."

Alex granted Nicky the jibe but her level of patience was virtually non-existent thanks to the clock that refused to run backward, so her friend's acerbic humor that usually caused her to relax ended up irritating her instead.

"Did you get anything?"

"I did the best I could on such short notice. There isn't much just lying around in there," Nicky replied and bent down to take something out of her sock.

"Wait," Alex whispered harshly and her eyes flickered up to Morello.

Nicky turned to follow her gaze and as if she could feel them staring, Morello looked up from her magazine. Nicky motioned at her to leave with a sideways jerk of her head, a signal that was not lost on Alex, who watched as Morello quickly obeyed and walked out.

"What was that?" she asked suspiciously.

"Nothing. Here," Nicky said and covertly handed Alex the small piece of copper piping she had just removed from her sock. Alex studied it as she turned it over in her hands before tucking it inside her boot. "Like I said, best I could do. Distracted Luschek while he was cutting so he fucked it up and tossed it. Fucked it up for him anyway; for you, that jagged edge will do just fine."

Alex didn't say anything and Nicky could see the wheels turning as she stared at the spot where Morello had been sitting a few seconds before.

"This morning, I went for a walk and she was there."

"God?"

"Morello," Alex said coarsely.

"Yeah, inmates are allowed outside every now and again. What are you on about?"

"No, it wasn't like that," Alex insisted, her mind working hard to get to what was right in front of her. "I didn't think anything of it at first but now…"

"Ah jesus I can't. This whole charade is driving me batshit crazy," Nicky eventually caved. "Okay you're right, she was there for you. I'm not sure if you noticed, but it's likely you haven't been alone at all today."

"What the fuck, Nicky!"

"It was all Chapman, okay. I told her it was a bad idea and that if you found out–"

"Bad idea?! What she did was not only stupid but fucking dangerous. Having you follow me around like… oh my god."

"Relax, she's just worried about you," Nicky said grimly. "We all are; it's no big deal."

"No big deal?" Alex was struggling to keep her voice even, the last of her restraint teetering on the edge. "Nicky, you have no idea who we're dealing with here. Do you think the fact that she can't get me alone will stop her from doing what she was sent to do? Do you think she's more scared of Piper than Kubra? She'd fucking take you all out along with me if it came to that! Isn't it enough I've got Piper to worry about, now I have to be responsible for god knows how many other people too?! How the fuck am I supposed to deal with more people dying because of me? You have to call it off."

"Hey, it's not my call to make. Talk to your lovergirl and try to get through to her."

"No, I can't see her right now. You have to do it, Nicky. I mean it."

"What do you mean, why can't you see her?" Nicky couldn't mask the ominous tone her voice had taken on.

"It doesn't matter," Alex replied softly. It was a phrase she was saying a lot lately. Because it was true. Nothing much mattered right now aside from putting a stop to Stella. And fast. "Listen, I'm going to need you today," she started straight into it, afraid she might chicken out and not do it. Run and hide and hope for the best. Nicky listened with rapt attention.

"I need to be invisible for a while and I need Piper to stay away from me. I already asked her but I need you to make sure that happens. I told her I would find her when it's over."

"Fuck," was all Nicky managed to process. Shit got real really fast and it felt like she was being held captive on a runaway train.

"And then there's this…" Alex lifted her shirt and Nicky spotted something white tucked into the waistband of her pants. When Alex took it out, her suspicions were confirmed.

Nicky stepped back, shaking her head vigorously and held up both her hands in a bid to stop Alex from doing what she was sure she was about to do.

"No," Nicky said abruptly. "No way."

"Nicky, please."

"Fuck you, Vause."

"Take it," Alex said, her lips pursed in a terse line.

She held out the envelope to Nicky who appraised it as if it were a wild animal that was about to rip her throat out. The only mark on the white paper validated Nicky's hunch — Piper's name was scribbled on it in dark ink. Fuck if she was going to take that thing. A blazing admission of the end game. Shit just got realer and Nicky was not dealing very well.

"Why can't you see her today? Why are you giving me this? You just said you'll find her when this whole thing's over so why-"

"You know the answer to all of those questions so why are you making me say it? I've had a fucking fantastic day so far. Are you really going to stand there and force me to say it out loud?"

"At the risk of reiterating myself… fuck you. I'm not going to be your fucking insurance policy, you coward," Nicky spat the words with such hate that Alex stepped back as if they physically hit her. "You don't think there's going to be enough of a mess to deal with if you don't make it out of this? You think Piper's the only one that this shit touches? Fuck you. After everything you guys stake claim to – your fucking epic story or whatever - you're going to leave her a fucking note? And me? Or am I only good to be your little errand girl. Do your dirty work because you're too fucking scared to do it yourself. _Fuck you, Vause_. Step the fuck up and deal with this shit and you fucking come find us when it's done, okay?"

Alex was shocked silent. Once again, the unashamed show of raw emotion from Nicky had the right-hook-to-the-jaw effect it usually did. The envelope was still suspended in midair, only now it trembled as an extension of her shaking hand. She knew that Nicky was right. She owed Piper more. But how could she be expected to make a promise she couldn't guarantee? Nicky and Piper — couldn't they see how impossible that was? She couldn't think about after… she wouldn't have the legs to walk into it if she thought about the people she might be leaving behind. It was taking everything she had to not think about anything except what had to happen at each given moment.

Still not finding the words, and not really caring anymore – what was the use anyway – Alex slowly moved past a wild-eyed Nicky and placed the envelope on the table Morello had just been sitting at. She laid it down like it was the most precious possession she'd ever touched and in a sense, it was. If things didn't go her way, that letter would be the final remnants of her heart and Piper in it. She turned to Nicky, her glittering green eyes silently imploring everything she didn't have the will to say. Her forefinger rested on the letter to Piper in a kind of question, patiently waiting for an answer. After forever passed and faded away, it finally came. Nicky swallowed hard, as if she was sending every argument to the contrary back down to the depths of her insides and gave Alex a stilted nod. It was all she needed. Alex gave her a smile of relieved thanks and then turned to make her way out of the library.

 **oitnb**

Piper and Nicky were two of the first inmates to be seated for dinner. But only because they weren't standing in the queue waiting to be fed. Eating was the last thing either of them could do. Piper glanced up for the hundredth time and watched as a few more inmates filtered into the cafeteria. Nicky jerked her head around to follow her gaze, both of them wearing an expression of heightened anxiety. Once they were sure that Alex wasn't going to come walking in, they looked away and their frightened eyes found each other across the table.

"She'll be here," Nicky tried to sound reassuring but she could tell by the look on Piper's face that she wasn't very convincing.

Piper didn't say anything and dropped her head into her hands, no longer having the strength to keep scanning the room for a tall, dark-haired inmate with glasses. She had done as she was told and kept her distance from Alex, the supply closet was the last time she had seen her. Well not really — for the rest of the day Piper had seen Alex several times. Every face in the prison swam in front of her with exhilarating green eyes and sleek black hair framing a perfect face. Piper had to check herself a few times to confirm that she was not in fact staring at her lover and it was just her mind torturing her at every turn. _Whichever way it goes down…_ Alex's words had been running on a loop in her head, tormenting her each time she acknowledged them.

Nicky became acutely aware of the letter she had tucked inside the waistband of her pants and found herself sending up a prayer that when she took it out, it would be to tear it up and toss it into the trash. She couldn't bear the thought of that scenario working out any other way. Sitting there by herself though, with Piper not helping to distract her in the least, her mind was free to agonize over all the not so great ways it could end.

In a few minutes, the usual crew started taking up seats at their table and Piper's sense of claustrophobia grew more intense with the added responsibility of hiding her turmoil. She and Nicky exchanged a few stolen glances across the table as the others dissolved into mindless chatter. Each time their eyes met, it was to confirm the unforgiving passage of time that marked Alex's absence the longer it marched on. Each time their eyes met, it confirmed the slow and steady unraveling in both of them as the unthinkable became more and more probable every time Alex failed to walk through those doors.

 **oitnb**

The evening chill was starting to bite into the air that announced the rush of dusk as Alex made her way through the yard. She was sure that they were experiencing the fastest sunset in the history of the world. There could be no other explanation for the fast forward motion of time. The others would be making their way to dinner, which gave her the perfect opportunity to get out. Her eyes scanned the visages of every nook and solitary corner and placed the image of her and Stella there. She calculated the drawbacks and advantages of the space, possible obstacles, the line of sight for anyone who happened to make their way into the yard and whether that line would include the two inmates answering the question of who would live to see the movie that night… She wandered into the fenced vicinity where one of the work sheds stood. It looked desolate in the quickly fading light and Alex noticed that they would be completely hidden in that space. The chain-link fence on one side, work areas on the other, the doors to the yard a ways back around the corner – nobody was on duty out there now anyway so it was perfect. She walked along the length of the fence and let her hand run across the cold metal. Her mind went to the copper pipe in her boot. It wasn't the best weapon, Nicky was right, but she would be able to do some real damage if she put some muscle into it. The woman was smaller than she was, so she would be quicker. Alex was stronger. She would have to use her height and build to overcome the –

Even though she was lost in thought, she heard the distinct sound of measured footsteps behind her and without waiting for her brain to catch up, Alex spun round and grabbed. Her instincts were right because instead of meeting thin air, her hands latched onto Stella's shoulders. She saw a glint of feint surprise in the woman's eyes and used it to her advantage by shoving her up against the side of the fence with enough force to make the structure sway dangerously under the weight of it. Alex forced her forearm into Stella's neck and froze. She blinked a few times quickly as the black hair in front of her turned blonde and suddenly it was Piper's face from the supply closet grimacing at her. The split second it took for her to rid herself of the after effects of déjà vu the familiar chokehold had brought on was enough time for Stella to regain her composure.

She capitalized on the momentary slack in Alex's stranglehold and brought her head forward to meet the brunette's with an excruciating crack. Alex stumbled back, snatching urgently at her boot while she shook her head to get the stars in front of her eyes to die down. But instead of taking her on the back foot, Stella stayed put and gave her the once over. Her bright eyes flashed to the glint of copper in Alex's hand.

"All I wanted was to talk but now you've gone and made things awkward."

"Fuck you!" Alex snarled and planted her feet in a defensive stance, twisting the pipe over and over in her hand.

She hadn't meant for it to happen like this but now that she had Stella alone, it might as well happen like this. When would she get another opportunity to do what had to be done before nightfall? The look in Stella's eyes made Alex realize that the woman shared her reasoning and had no intention of walking away.

"So you're ready to call it a day, Vause? You really want to do this now?"

Alex didn't respond. She couldn't. Thoughts and words would throw her off like it did a few seconds ago. She couldn't allow anything to take her focus away from Stella.

"And what's that for?" Stella asked with a biting laugh, motioning to the copper pipe clenched in Alex's fist.

The familiar terror of doubt crept up on Alex and she faltered. This was not how it was supposed to happen. She wasn't supposed to be cornered. She was supposed to have the upper hand. Secure a decent weapon and take Stella by surprise. How was she always one step ahead? How the fuck did she even know to find her there? Because Kubra knew what he was doing, Alex thought. No half measures. He always got what he wanted.

 _But she's not Kubra_. This time it was Piper's voice in her head instead of her own. And where her inner voice was terrified, Piper's was mad as hell. _She's not him. Fuck her._

Piper. Of course she'd be there. Alex wasn't surprised that at the deciding moment, she wasn't alone. No thinking. No words. She lunged at Stella, who was still standing against the fence and while the latter was left trying to figure out how someone of Alex's stature could move that quickly, the brunette crashed into her. Stella struggled against her weight and forced Alex off of her with a wild push. Only after she was on her way down did she realize that Alex had a fistful of her shirt and so when the brunette backed off and fell to the ground, she took Stella with her. An excruciating pain shot through her left arm and it had a brother that traveled all the way down her spine. At first Stella was pissed off at herself for not making a better landing but when her eyes met Alex's seething glare, she knew better. Alex gave the piece of pipe a violent twist before ripping it free and she watched as Stella bit her lips to contain the cry that wanted out. In a swift movement, she used her weight to counter the shocked body on top of her and flipped over so they could swap positions. Stella flailed against the bulk of her, the wild jerking of her arms throwing Alex off balance a bit. She regained it easily enough though and with a deep growl, drove the back of Stella's head down hard as she hit the ground. She lifted her fist high, eyeing the edge of Stella's jaw as a perfect landing space. Alex's gaze flickered from the smooth line of the jaw to the out of place smile. Why the fuck was she smiling? What was she looking at? Alex followed her eyes and looked up at her right hand, still suspended in mid-air in a tight fist, waiting for the instruction from her brain to send it crashing into the face beneath her. Tight fist. Her hand was empty. Both of them were. Alex's heart pitched as she spotted her only defense lying blood-soaked in the grass a few feet from her. Stella must've knocked it from her hand when she flipped over. Fuck it. I've got her now. She steadied her reeling composure and turned her focus back to Stella.

"My turn." The words came out in a grunt as she used her full strength to throw Alex aside.

Stella quickly scrambled to her feet but remained bent over, feeling the pain searing through her shoulder but also not feeling it. She had to keep her blind focus on the form in front of her. Experience had taught her that the person who didn't lose was always the person with everything to lose and even though it was just Alex in the yard with her, Stella knew she was fighting Piper too – it was clear in Alex's eyes. She watched as Alex struggled to her feet in a mad frenzy, her fingers desperately raking through the grass in the hope of latching on to the discarded weapon. Taking her moment while Alex's back was turned, Stella stalked up to her with long strides and aimed a prison-boot-kick at her middle. A cry of pain escaped Alex with the last of her wind that was knocked out of her and she doubled over onto the ground again.

"Shut the fuck up," Stella said, punctuating her words with another kick, this time to Alex's face.

Black rimmed glasses went flying off to the side in pieces. Alex looked up at Stella bearing down on her but she might as well have been asleep for all that she could see… absolutely nothing out of her right eye, the side of her face that met Stella's boot, leaving her left eye to grope hopelessly for some solid form in the mess of spots and stars swimming in front of it. A weight landed on top of her with a heavy thud and Alex started kicking and squirming to free herself of it. She couldn't give up. She promised. The sudden feel of Stella's hot breath on her face made her freeze in place.

"How lucky the way things worked out. I came out here with nothing but good intentions and now, thanks to you… I must say, this is a nice little twist."

As she spoke the last word, Alex felt an unnerving pressure in her side and in seconds her shirt grew hot and wet. Alex cried out and started writhing under her in a mad attempt to shake her off but all it did was make her drive the serrated pipe into her again. Stella felt her target's resistance falter and shoved her free hand over Alex's mouth. If anyone was alerted to any kind of activity out there before she could finish… She struck again and this time she heard a dull snap as it hit one of Alex's ribs. She was going to fucking rip the bitch apart.

She was winning. Alex felt the pain gallop through her body, sending the adrenalin back to where it came from. The fight was leaving her. Her chest was screaming and her insides raging against the violation it was experiencing. She couldn't give up. She promised. Her arms felt like lead when she lifted them off the ground but Alex gritted her teeth against it and forced them to obey. Her hands closed around Stella's throat and an animal-like groan freed itself from deep inside, working to encourage her grip to tighten. Thin fingers worked their way across her face, thumbs driving into her eyes and palms crushing her face with a strength that, compared to Alex's growing fatigue, seemed god-like. Her arms fell and when they hit the ground, Alex felt the earth under them had grown muddy. Muddy with blood. Her blood.

Unseeing, the pressure on her eyeballs growing with each passing second, Alex twisted her head to the side until she came into contact with flesh that was not her own. She opened her mouth and bit down hard. The hot wetness slithered into her mouth and she felt it run down her chin. Stella cried out and the rank taste of iron spread over Alex's tongue. The sound of her attacker's pain gave her the kick in the ass she needed and she bit down harder, forcing her jaw to close. The suffocating weight on top of her shifted and Alex took her chance. She pushed herself up. Well, she pushed. Or thought she was pushing. Her head was still on the ground though. It was the only part of her body that she was aware of — everything else was numb. Working with only two of her senses, Alex felt Stella lift herself off of her and heard the sopping earth squelch under her boots. Boots that where getting closer to the only part of her she could still feel. _Move, godammit! What the fuck are you waiting for?_ Her brain wasn't given the chance to answer its own question because one of the boots were driven into the side of her head, leaving her ears ringing. At least they got the stars in her left eye to die down. Now everything was black. Bony hands gripped her one arm and pulled at her violently until she turned all the way over, face down in the bloody soil. _Why do you always feel so inevitable to me?_ Alex's ragged breathing did a better job of pulling grass and dirt into her mouth than air into her started hacking, which made the impossible act of breathing that much harder. _I love you, Alex_. She was vaguely aware of a kind of blunt pressure on her back. Stella watched fascinated as Alex's body jerked listlessly when she drove the pipe into her back and again when she pulled it out. For all the fight she had in her, it looked like she was finally finished. A feeling of relief washed over Alex at the sound of footsteps retreating into the distance. She had to get up but she was just so… tired. _I'm here._ She couldn't give up. She promised. Her eyes fell closed and the darkness in front of her gave way to shimmering blue eyes. Piper. Of course she'd be there.

* * *

 **Look at me… just… breathe… There you go... I need you to trust me. I swear I won't fucking kill you. I'll rip your heart out, sure. But I promise to put it right back when I'm done with it. I'm sorry, but also… I'm not sorry;)**


	9. Chapter 9

**Forgive me. It's been way too long but RL you guys... And the fact that I could only get to writing with the help of wine because of the suckiness and that wasn't helping either haha. After beating my brain to get this out and it just wouldn't come, I let it cool down and started my other fic. Which I let cool down because of the guilt over not updating this one... the circle - it is a vicious thing! As you all know, I started this pre-S3 and at first it was my way of venting my feelings about having Vauseman messed with (love triangle what now?) but as it progressed (delayed) to post-S3 it started evolving into a way for me to redeem Piper for being a complete ass toward my bb. At first I was all fuck her, I'm first in line for a ticket to the Hate On Chapman show. But then I was all, but-but-VAUSEMAN! (cue ugly cry). Which brings me here, let's give the girl a chance. Endgame and all that shit. It's fucking 2 in the morning as I'm writing this and my feels are all over the place so excuse the rant. Here's 9. Written without wine. Hope it's fine. Either way, drop me a line. PS. Mistakes, there may be a few. Let's all pretend they're not there because I'm too damn tired to edit right now:)**

* * *

 **Chapter Nine**

Piper didn't hear the blaring alarm but fell to the floor anyway because she saw Nicky disappear in front of her. Habit. Once on the floor, her eyes met the panicked gaze of her friend. Panic that dove straight through the lump of bile in her throat and crashed into the pit of her stomach.

"It's okay, it's nothing. It doesn't mean anything," Piper rambled off quickly.

"Yeah, okay," Nicky agreed just as quickly, desperate for Piper's words to be true despite how unlikely it seemed.

"It's just a random count. They do it all the time. It doesn't mean anything," she ended, a little less convincing than the first time.

She kept her head down but tried to lift her gaze to check what was going on. The alarm was still going and it sent a constant vibration through her already quaking body, as if her terror was caught in an intimate dance with the science of sound waves. Confused faces of inmates swam in and out of her view as they nestled close to the ground, none of them perplexed, all of them assuming it was just another random check. Every now and then black boots of the COs would filter in and out of her line of sight as they made their way through the tangle of bodies on the cafeteria floor.

"Chapman," Nicky called her attention and when Piper looked at her, she saw that Nicky was close to tears. "I'm freaking out. I'm going to fucking lose it," her voice trembled.

"Don't," Piper replied sternly, working hard to keep that same tremor out of her own voice. She swallowed hard to force her heart back down her throat to where it belonged. "Don't freak out, Nicky. I told you, this is nothing. This is just–"

"She's not fucking here!" Nicky broke in, her voice raised out of her control.

"That's enough, inmate!" the teddybear CO bellowed from behind her and then to the room at large, "Everybody stay where you are and shut the hell up!"

A few discontent grumbles rose from the other inmates who were now starting to question what was going on but the other COs quickly shushed them where it was needed.

"She's not here," Nicky said again in a strained whisper that was already thick with tears.

 _Neither is Stella_ , she wanted to add but couldn't get the words out of her mouth because the sudden thought of what that meant instantly broke the pathway between Nicky's brain and the rest of her body. Out of the corner of her eye she spotted Morello giving her a puzzled look, obviously confused by her panicked state. The confusion didn't last very long because Nicky saw the familiar shadow of realization steal across Morello's features and her face dropped. _Where's Alex?_ She only mouthed the words but every inch of her face screamed the panic that was rising there too now. Nicky just shook her head in response and in a last ditch effort to shut everything off, dropped her forehead to the floor, letting the cold linoleum slowly seep through the heat that was killing her brain. Eyes closed, head down, she became aware of a faint whisper in front of her. It was Piper. She didn't have to look to know that it was her and she didn't need super powers in distinguishing whispers either. She knew it was Piper because of what she was saying. (Praying?) Over and over, she kept repeating the same words like a mantra… _she's going to be fine_ … _she's going to be fine_ … _she's going to be fine_ …

Piper kept her eyes trained on the COs while she spoke, watching them for any signs of what might be happening. They kept looking over to the entrance of the cafeteria, like they were waiting for something or someone to give them further instructions. Teddybear was making his way down her row again when the sound of static electrified his walkie. Something was happening but Piper couldn't make out because of the alarm that was still going apeshit. She looked over at Nicky in the hope that she might have heard but saw she was still face down, giving no sign of interest to the rest of the room.

"You sure?" Piper heard that part because Teddybear raised his voice into the walkie; the alarm was clearly pissing him off too. "Okay," he said again and whatever he was told, it got some fire under his ass because he suddenly sprang to action, making his way urgently to the front of the room.

He called the other two COs over and the three of them huddled together for a few seconds. Piper studied their faces but they weren't giving much away. Teddybear's eyes were wide and his lips pulled in a terse line. Okay, this could be serious. One of the other COs let out a loud you're fucking kidding me, before being checked to silence by a strict glare from the other two. And then as suddenly as it had started, the noise from the alarm disappeared, leaving a deafening silence in its wake.

"Okay, listen up!" Teddybear addressed the room. "The prison is on lockdown. All of you need to get to your dorms for count and stay there until further notice."

"Further notice? What the fuck does that mean?" one of the inmates called out and was supported by jeers from several others wanting to know the same.

 **Oitnb**

Nicky stood outside her cube like the rest of the inmates in the dorm as the CO made his way up and back down with his counter. Her eyes were trained on Piper, waiting for her to look over and give her some kind of sign that would inform her reaction. But Piper never looked over. She stood outside her cube looking straight ahead, her expression as stony as her posture. Her behavior was the exact opposite of what Nicky was expecting. She always thought that if shit should go down this way, that Piper would be the mess she'd have to clean up. Now she was the one coming apart, while Piper had her shit together like Nicky'd never seen her before.

O'Neill came to a stop in front of Piper. All the other inmates were in pairs in front of their cubes. Aside from Red, she was the only other one standing there on her own. He peered inside to make sure there was nobody in there and looked at her again.

"Where's your bunkmate?" he barked.

"How the hell should I know?" came the even response.

O'Neill considered her for a second before clicking the annoying counter once and moving on down the line. When she was sure the CO was not going to turn back, Piper allowed the breath she was holding to shudder slowly out of her. With the tension leaving her body, she became acutely aware of her heart in her throat and dared a glance over at Red. He hadn't questioned her about Alex but he'd stopped to ask Piper about Stella. That could only mean that they could account for the one but not the other. She needed to know what they knew.

"Hey, is anyone going to tell us what the hell is going on?" Nicky called after O'Neill as he went passed but she might as well have been speaking to herself for all the reaction she got from him. "Hey!" she raised her voice at him, starting to feel less in control of her desperate need to hear that Alex was okay.

Although she knew she was probably walking into a ton of shit by shouting at a CO, getting answers was more important to Nicky at that moment and she advanced on the retreating O'Neill.

"Get back to your cube, inmate!"

Healy's sudden appearance made Nicky stop dead in her tracks but what made her blood run cold was seeing Stella right behind him. What the hell was she doing there? Wait, if she was there then it should mean Alex was fine, right? If it was anything else she'd be on her way to max and not being escorted to her dorm by Healy. Nicky's mind clamored to try and find an explanation to grab a hold of as she slowly backed up.

"Carlin missed count because she was with me," Healy said to O'Neill, who nodded and allowed Stella to move past him and make her way to her cube. If she was aware of Nicky's eyes burning into her back, she didn't show it as she walked.

"I disappear for a minute and all hell breaks loose," she said as she took up her place beside Piper.

"Where'd you disappear to?" Piper asked, trying to keep her voice level but her eyes when she looked over at Stella were studious as ever as she looked her over from head to toe.

"I was with Healy," she replied simply, motioning to the counselor who was now making his way back out of the dorm.

"What, something else at Hotel Litchfield bothering you?"

The derision was blatant in Piper's tone and it was enough to put an end to whatever smugness Stella was planning on sharing. Piper saw her eyes shift passed her face and turned to see what she was looking at. CO Bennett had arrived and was saying something to O'Neill. All her focus went into reading his lips but as it turned out, that wasn't necessary because after a few seconds, Bennett was making his way towards her.

"Okay everyone, you know the drill – sit tight 'til you're told otherwise," O'Neill called out to the room.

One by one they started disappearing into their cubes like good little puppets, without so much as a grunt of annoyance. Bullshit, Nicky thought. It was their right to know what was going on and the longer they were kept in the dark, the harder it was for her to keep her panic at bay. The only reason they got away with it was because the inmates let them. Nicky started towards O'Neill again when her eyes fell on Red who, she didn't realize, had been watching her the whole time. As if she could tell what she was thinking, Red shook her head sharply and motioned for Nicky to get into her cube. Of course, her fear of Red surpassed any consequences she'd have to deal with from any of the COs and Nicky shrunk back. Pissed off at Red for making her do it, pissed off at the COs for being such assholes and pissed off at Alex. For not coming to find them like she said she would.

Before Bennett reached her, Piper was the only inmate not settled in her cube. She studied his face as he approached her, desperately searching for a sign that would tell her it was okay to breathe. Her efforts weren't rewarded though, his features were perfectly schooled. He looked a little tense but that was the most she could pick up in that moment. When he spoke, it was in a breathed whisper that Piper had to really strain to hear.

"I'm not supposed to be talking to you about this, but," Bennett paused. Piper was staring straight into him, her blue eyes filled with fear so blatantly raw he lost the words he'd been practicing on his way down there.

"What is it," Piper eventually pressed him to continue. She felt like her entire being was in a state of hyper-alertness, like she was just about ready to spontaneously combust and the CO's lack of urgency was enough to make her scream. But she didn't. There was no room for feelings now. Feelings were messy and she couldn't afford to be messy. Feelings were going to have to wait until after.

"Someone who knows you…"

"Who?" Piper jumped in anxiously and then quickly checked herself back to feigned composure.

"It's – it's not important," Bennett sidestepped the question. "Look, she made me swear to tell you so… I need you to try to keep calm, and just–"

"I'm calm," Piper replied so convincingly, she surprised herself. It was taking everything she had to stop the emotion raging inside her to keep from showing on her face. Even though it didn't feel like it at the time, she must've been doing a good job because after surveying her for a while, Bennett continued.

"Your friend… Vause…"

"Is she alive?" the words left Piper's lips in a choked whisper laden with the horror that had balled itself up in her throat. She swallowed hard to keep it there.

Bennett opened his mouth to answer but then closed it again as he considered Piper's question. "You know? Do you know something about what happened?" he asked.

"Is. She. alive." Piper repeated with an uncompromising glare that dared the CO to try and avoid answering her question.

"Yes," he said after what seemed like forever. "But she's in really bad shape," he added quickly, not wanting to be responsible for Piper getting her hopes up.

After what he'd seen, hope had no place in this situation. He chanced a look over his shoulder to make sure that his conversation with Piper was not causing suspicion with the COs stationed at the entrance to the dorm but they weren't even looking in their general direction.

"She was taken to medical and as soon as I hear anything, I will let you know," he ended.

Piper nodded slowly, letting her body catch up to her mind that was already out the door. _She's alive._ The leaden feeling in her feet started to dissolve and her hands stopped shaking. _In medical._ The switch she was waiting for finally flipped and Piper started walking.

"Hey, hey you can't– Chapman!" he called and quickly followed after her.

"What do you think you're doing, inmate?" O'Neill blustered out when he noticed Piper making her way toward him. "Cube! Now!"

Nicky was at the entrance to her cube when Piper passed, her eyes blazing with the question Piper didn't need to hear to know what it was. She felt bad for not being able to set Nicky's mind at ease but that only lasted for a second because Piper had to shift her attention to the burly CO that was now blocking her way out of the dorm. She tensed every muscle in her body as she prepared to walk right through him, putting blind faith in the fact that she could move O'Neill's bulk with sheer will if that's what it came to.

"You looking for some alone time, Chapman?" he bellowed as she grew closer.

Piper's feet carried her against the rising tide, not once faltering. She didn't know how it was happening but was happy to surrender to whatever force was driving her forward. As she came up to the hefty guard, Piper set her arms up to help push through the human wall. Her eyes closed instinctively in anticipation of slamming into him as she threw herself forward. Piper stumbled a bit before finding her feet and when she opened her eyes, she was just outside the dorm.

"It's okay, it's okay," she heard Bennett behind her and when she turned, saw him fending back O'Neill. "I got this," he placated the red-faced CO.

Bennett cleared the way for her? He already risked his neck by telling her about Alex and now he was putting himself between her and the SHU during lockdown? She couldn't find the sense in it but also didn't try very hard. She had somewhere to be.

"Hey!" Bennett called out to her retreating form and although she could hear him shuffling behind her to keep up, Piper didn't slow her steps.

The prison was deserted. Every inmate would now be tucked away in their cubes with every available CO watching over them. Getting to medical couldn't be easier.

"They won't let you in there," Bennett said, finally catching up to Piper and grabbing hold of her arm. "You can't get in unless you need medical attention," he was out of breath as he spoke.

Piper pulled her arm free from his grip. "Thank you for telling me about Alex. I know it's something you can get in a lot of trouble for, so thank you. But if you want it to end there, you need to go now. Because I'm not going to stop until I see her and sticking with me, that's not a good idea." _Save yourself_ , she thought. This _is a downward spiral you want to steer clear of_.

"CO Bennett! Please tell me you're escorting this lovely lady to her dorm," Caputo said as he walked up to the pair. Bennett looked like a deer caught in headlights, Piper looked like she just found the answer to her prayers.

"Uh, um… " Bennett stammered under the scrutinizing leer of his superior.

"The inmate who was attacked, you have to take me to see her," Piper said, the words falling out of her mouth quickly and with an unmistakable air of demand that she hadn't quite intended but went with anyway.

"How do you know about that?" Caputo asked. He looked at Bennett and easily read the guilt spread over his features. "Ah fuck."

"It doesn't matter how I know, what matters is that I have to see her."

"Is she a friend of yours?"

 _We were never friends, Piper._

She froze up at the sudden and unbidden appearance of Alex in her head.

"Look, inmates aren't allowed in medical. As soon as we hear anything about your friend, I will let you know."

"Actually, I wasn't asking," Piper responded, her stubbornness finding renewed fuel.

"Watch it," Caputo warned. "You've already got one foot in the SHU just by being out here right now."

"Do what you have to do, just take me to see her first." Piper held his questioning gaze vehemently. Her experience with Caputo let her know that if she was going to get to see Alex, he was going to be the one to make it happen.

"What do you know? You know something, don't you?"

Piper made a stern show of not answering his question and after a minute of staring each other down, "CO Bennett, you can go back to your duties. I'll take it from here," Caputo said, not taking his eyes from Piper.

Bennett seemed only too relieved to be allowed to remove himself from the situation and made quick work of disappearing down the hall.

"Okay," Caputo said once he was sure they were alone. "Tell me what you know or you're going off to SHU. Then you won't hear anything about your friend until I decide to let you up for air."

"Are you going to take me to see her or not?"

"Tell me what you know."

Piper's only response was to push past him and continue on her way to medical. She'd get herself in one way or another.

"Did you not hear a word I said?" Caputo asked, going after her. "They're not going to let you in there!"

He made to grab hold of her to get her to stop but soon realized he didn't have to because Piper had already done so. He slowed his pace as he came up behind her and moved around until they were facing each other.

"Please," she said simply as she looked up at him.

Caputo looked like he was witnessing a puppy die as he tried very hard to avert his eyes from Piper's that were now suddenly misted over, the tears threatening to fall at any second. He ran both his hands through what little hair he could lay claim to in sheer frustration.

"I'm not cut out for this fucking job."

 **Oitnb**

"Hi," Caputo greeted the staff nurse at the front desk. "Do you think you could help me out with an update on the inmate who was brought in about an hour ago?"

"Alex… her name's Alex Vause," Piper chimed in from next to him, much to Caputo's chagrin. He had lectured her on their way over, told her to keep her head down and her mouth shut. He should've known better.

"The inmate is still in–"

"Her name's Alex," Piper cut in harshly over the nurse.

She looked from Piper to Caputo, who nodded resignedly. "Alex," she said slowly, for Piper's benefit, "is still in surgery. They're going to be a whle."

"Why? What was her condition when they brought her in?"

"Chapman, enough" Caputo warned.

"What was wrong with her?" Piper fired the question at him now, giving up on the stunned nurse.

"Listen to me…"

"Tell me!" So much for feelings waiting til after. But how was she supposed to not feel anything when Alex was right there. She was right there and she couldn't see her. She was right there and she might be dying.

"Hey!" Caputo raised his voice to match hers. "I am over-stepping in a big fucking way right now. Don't make me change my fucking mind."

Piper pursed her lips like a child who had just been scolded and after a second, found a seat in one of the chairs on the other side of the room.

"What are you doing?" Caputo asked, walking over to where Piper sat looking straight ahead with an unmoving, unseeing stare. "We have to go."

"I'm waiting."

"Wh? You can't wait for shit!" Caputo replied, at his wits' end. "My ass is on the line here. We'll get news as soon as she's out and then I'll come find you. More than that I cannot do."

Piper gave no sign that she heard a word he was saying and remained seated. Realizing that this was a battle he was well on his way to losing, Caputo called over the staff nurse from the front desk.

"Is there any way you could go in there and find out what's going on? Please," he begged, motioning with his head toward Piper, who was sitting there like they didn't even exist.

The nurse eyed him doubtfully and Caputo let go of a heavy sigh. Talk about being caught between a rock and a hard place. "Look, you'll be saving the both of us a lot of unnecessary… difficulties, if you just go in there and ask a few questions to come tell us the answers," he pleaded in the most soothing tone he could muster at that point.

The nurse finally gave in and disappeared through the doors that must have led to the theater. When she was gone, Caputo made to take up the seat next to Piper, who was still maintaining her hardened demeanor, pointedly ignoring him.

"She was stabbed," he said after a few moments of awkward silence. "A few times, from what the CO could tell." He stopped then – to let it sink in, to decide whether to tell her more or not… He glanced over at Piper but she was still expressionless and motionless, staring into nothing in front of her. "There was a lot of blood but it looked like it wasn't all hers because her hands and her– her mouth… She put up one hell of a fight, that's for sure."

Caputo stole another glance at Piper and was shaken to find that her hard-as-nails composure had taken a considerable knock. Tears were silently streaming down her face and she made no attempt to hide the fact or wipe them away. He started to lift his hand to put around her shoulder but stopped at the last minute because of what it might look like. Smuggling an inmate into a restricted area. During lockdown. Plus inappropriate contact. That was too much shit for him to deal with in one day.

"We'll find whoever did this," he opted to use words for comfort instead. "Like I said, the asshole's most likely hurt. Shouldn't be too hard to pick up."

He watched her closely for some kind of reaction to his words but got nothing and before he could think of anything else to say in the deafening silence, the staff nurse reappeared.

"Anything?" he asked, rising from his seat and noticing that Piper had finally moved to stand next to him.

"There was a lot of internal bleeding when the inmate– Ms Vause," the nurse corrected herself quickly, " when she came in. There's some organ damage but they're… it's…"

"What? What is it?" Piper asked, bearing over the nurse like she was going to physically take the words she wasn't saying out of her mouth herself.

"I'm sorry."

"I didn't ask you to apologize, I asked you–"

"Chapman!" Caputo silenced her.

"It seems her heart is taking a lot of strain. They're trying to stabilize her but she keeps coding. I'm sorry."

"Thank you," Caputo said, giving the nurse her leave and saving her from any further outbursts from Piper. "Come on, we've been here long enough. If it were up to me, I'd let you stay but…" He stopped talking because Piper was already walking away from him toward the exit.

 **Oitnb**

Even though she was outside, Piper still found it difficult to breathe. The sharp cold of the night air stung her bleeding lungs instead of soothed them.

 _Yeah, but think of the story you'll have._

She didn't want this one. This was not how their story was supposed to go. Alex and Piper. Even when they were apart for all those years after Paris, thinking back on the adventures they'd had… now it would be forever shadowed by this. Her heart stopping on a table in a fucking prison hospital. Alone. Piper's feet picked up the pace when she heard Caputo gaining on her from behind. Her mind reeled as it tried to grasp onto some coherent sense of reasoning. She had a job to do but she was losing her reason for doing it so why even bother?

 _I heart you._

That's fucking why, her brain skidded as it finally caught traction. She might lose Alex but she could never lose her reason for doing it. She might lose Alex, Piper felt her resolve falter for a second but only a second before she shoved the terror snaking its way through her veins back into the depths of her chest where it started. Feelings were going to have to wait until after.

She passed a few inmates making their way to the showers. Lockdown must have lifted while they were away. Could that mean they got what they were looking for? Piper hoped not. She had to be the one to get to her first. Her body jerked to a stop a few feet outside the dorm and it took her a few seconds to realize that Caputo had a hold of her arm. She looked up at him with a deadpan expression. Detachment – it was going to save her life over the next few hours.

"Listen, I meant it when I said I'll let you know as soon as I hear anything," he said, solemnly and then after a beat, added, "I'm really sorry." before leaving her.

Piper remained still for a bit after Caputo let go of her. If one more person were to say sorry to her she would cut a bitch. There was nothing worse to say to someone in this situation. She couldn't do shit with I'm sorry.

"Who ordered the lift?" she heard Caputo's voice behind her and turned to see that he had caught up with Teddybear further down the hall.

"Fig," came the simple reply.

"Find anything?" Piper's heart stopped at hearing Caputo's question and leaped into her throat.

Teddybear shook his head. "Cops'll be here first thing in the morning."

Good, they have nothing. That was just what she needed to know.

The dorm was quiet and empty when she walked in. Her footsteps slowed as she neared Alex's cube and when she stopped at the entrance, she saw Red was lying on her bed reading. Piper walked in and went to sit on Alex's bed. Her hand lifted as if out of its own free will to stroke her empty pillow.

"What we talked about," Piper started speaking without looking up. "when can you have it ready?"

There was a few seconds of heavy silence as Red studied her before replying, "When I make the call."

Piper looked Red square in the face then, her expression devoid of any kind of emotion.

"Make the call," she said simply.

A look of fear flashed across Red's face, darkening her features for a second before vanishing, like it never happened.

"Now's not the time for stupid, Piper."

"Stupid is drinking poison and waiting for it to kill your enemy."

Red started at hearing her own words of wisdom to Piper from long ago being echoed back at her. She realized that she had a bigger part in this than she had first assumed and it made going against the girl's wishes practically impossible.

"You do this, it's who you're going to be for the rest of your life. If Vause makes it, it's who you're going to be to her," Red said in a last ditch attempt to get through to her.

"Make the call," Piper repeated herself, her voice cold and unfeeling.

"Fine," Red gave in finally and got up to presumably go and do as she was told.

Piper's eyes followed her out of the cube and fell on Nicky who was standing there. For how long, she couldn't say but the look on her face staggered Piper. She knew that she and Alex were good friends and at one point, they were more than that, but Piper hadn't expected the kind of raw emotion she was seeing from Nicky. From the second they hit the floor in the cafeteria, Nicky was unabashedly portraying everything that Piper was fighting so hard to conceal. In that moment, she realized that she was jealous of her. She wanted to be the one to fall apart, curse the gods, lash out at the injustice of it all and scream until her lungs were dry and her throat was ragged because how was she supposed to do anything else without her…

"Is she dead?" Nicky's question broke into Piper's muddled thoughts and her voice papered over the cracks that were starting to form there.

"Not yet," Piper replied honestly but didn't feel like elaborating. The show must go on, she thought.

"Vause, she's tough. I mean, she was built to beat the odds. If anyone's going to come from behind to take it, it's her." Nicky's reassurance sounded like she'd been rehearsing it for some time.

"Don't do that."

"Do what?"

"Don't talk to me like you know her. Or me. Or what we are. Because you don't."

"Are you fucking kidding me right now?" Nicky's anguish met with plain annoyance and the two emotions battled it out for dominance. "She's my friend too."

"That's just it – Alex and I aren't friends."

 _I loved you. I loved having sex with you._

"Fuck you, Chapman. You want to sit here and fight about who loves Alex more then okay, you win. But you don't get to tell me what I'm allowed to feel," Nicky said, her eyes welling up with tears. Tears that stoked the little flame of jealousy deep inside Piper's chest. "She told me, you know. For all your epic love bullshit, she trusted _me_ ," Nicky ended, wanting desperately for her words to hurt Piper. Hell, to have any kind of effect on her at all because looking into that cold expression was not only creeping her out, it was fucking infuriating.

"I know she told you," Piper said. "I know a lot more than both of you think."

"Holy shit," was the only response Nicky could come up with.

"She was right about me not being able to stay out of it if I knew. But she was wrong about me fucking things up."

"What do you mean?"

"Healy's always had a soft spot for me," Piper started and watched as realization slowly dawned on Nicky's tear-streaked face.

"You mean…"

"She told me he was her counselor. She also told me she was looking to be transferred. I had a hunch about what she was planning so I just helped it along by putting in a word with Healy."

"But why would you want her with you if you knew?"

"I wanted her away from Alex and I needed her to trust me so I could get close enough. It's the long game. When she first got here she kind of hinted at being into me and I thought I could use that. Keep your enemies closer."

"Yeah but that's what got Alex so freaked. Knowing that psycho was going to be bunking with you. That's what made her rush things to get it done." Nicky's anger was rising again and quickly. "She was doing it to protect you and the whole time, this whole time…"

"I didn't mean for any of this to happen. Don't lay that on me."

"This is so fucked up! Alex gets herself knifed for wanting to protect you. You get yourself shacked up with a killer for wanting to protect her. And I'm the one that gets caught up in the middle of all this bullshit?"

"You could've said no."

"Not when it comes to her," Nicky said. She didn't have to elaborate because the suddenly softer tone of voice and inexplicable sadness in her eyes explained everything loaded in that statement.

An explanation that Piper didn't miss. She didn't know what to say to that and so didn't say anything. The two of them sat, weighed down by silence that was heavy with unspoken words and bottled emotion.

"I'm done," Nicky said finally as she rose from the bed. "Let me know if you hear anything but other than that… I'm done with all of it."

She watched her storm out in a blur of hair. A blur because Piper's composure had taken a knock in the last seconds of their conversation. The cracks that were so neatly papered over were starting to fight against their dogged containment by flexing and pulsing. But she had to keep it up. Her actions leading up to when it happened had to be without fault. Piper blinked a few times fast to clear her line of sight and that's when her eyes fell on a partly crumpled envelope on the spot where Nicky had just been sitting. She didn't have to see the name on it to know that it was meant for her. She didn't have to see the writing to know who it was from.

 **Oitnb**

The atmosphere in the dorm that night was solemn and it felt like a thick veil separated Piper from everyone else. It was just her and her thoughts that relentlessly heaved and tossed between every feeling on the spectrum. On the outside though, she may have seemed strangely unaffected to anyone who was watching. Piper turned over onto her side and inhaled deeply for what could easily have been the thousandth time since turning in at lights out. She knew they wouldn't let her stay in Alex's cube, which is what she would've preferred, so she had swapped Alex's pillow with her own. She inhaled deeply, closing her eyes as she took in the soft scent. The fingers of her one hand were splayed protectively over the letter, unopened and hidden under the pillow. She'd created her own little Alex vacuum in the hopes that being surrounded by her would get her through what was going to be the longest night of her life. So far it had helped to keep her from breaking down into a sobbing mess but as for sleep…

"You seem pretty okay considering what just happened," Stella's whisper filtered through the heavy darkness from the bed across from Piper.

She startled a little at the sound even though she was aware, by the sound of her breathing, that sleep was eluding her bunk mate as well.

"My life with Alex… it's complicated. She's been such a huge part of me for so long..."

"Something like this, it changes you... Sometimes people don't get that. It's hard enough being left behind, it's even harder having to do it when you turn into someone you never thought you'd become."

The compassion in her voice surprised Piper. She couldn't say anything in response. This whole day she had been left to field uninvited displays of emotion from people and it only made keeping her own feelings at bay that much harder.

"My kid sister died when I was twelve," Stella continued, taking Piper's silence for interest. "She was my best friend. My family, they were real torn up because they lost her but it was different for me. I didn't just lose her. I'd lost who I was because of her. They didn't get that."

Again, any kind of coherent response was lost on Piper as she considered Stella's words. That was their truth – her and Alex. So much of her was defined by Alex. Even the years that they were apart, the person she became was a product of who she was when she was with her. Everything about her, past and present, had been touched by Alex. Lived because of her, breathed because of her, succeeded or failed because of her. How do you let go of someone when they're in you? _Let go of yourself_ , Piper answered her own question.

"Is that why you turned out the way you did?" she asked, actually wanting to know the answer. Wanting to know if that's what was lying in wait for her.

There was no response from Stella and after a few seconds, Piper heard the telltale even breathing from across the cube signaling that she had fallen asleep. In a few hours, Caputo was going to come find her and tell her that Alex is dead. In a few hours, Caputo was going to come find her and tell her that Alex is alive. Either way it played out – in a few hours she was going to be Piper Chapman, the woman who once carried a bag of drug money… and then killed someone.


	10. Chapter 10

**I can't apologize enough for leaving this update as long as I did. It wasn't my intention but when it came down to getting back into the emo, my fic muse just couldn't. And then life… and birthdays… and millions of zombies... That being said, I'm powering through to finish this because the story deserves it (as all stories do) and more importantly – you guys do. Thanks for reading, for reviewing and for sticking with it. You're why I do this, after all.**

 **Ps. For those of you also following BB – Ch6 will be up this weekend.**

 **Pps. I think it's time you get your heart back. I put it together as best I could.**

* * *

Chapter Ten

She must have passed out rather than fallen asleep because when Stella came to, her eyes didn't open immediately. They felt like they were weighted down. And her shoulder. The damn thing was screaming. A leaden hand with leaden fingers worked its way to the spot in question and gingerly inspected the area, gauging what it could through touch alone. Fuck. The dressing was soaked through. Ad hoc self surgery worked so much better on the outside where she could get everything she needed. Stella pulled the covers up until under her chin. She'd have to make the call soon. Let Kubra know it was done and that he could go ahead with the extraction. In the meantime, she'd have to keep patching herself up and hope for the best. It wouldn't be more than a day's wait. That's what he'd said. And a man like Kubra always delivered. Once the job was done, that is.

The image of a broken Alex lying in her own blood flickered hazily in her mind's eye. The job was definitely done. She had to hand it to her though; the girl put up some kind of fight. Stella's entire body tensed up as she felt the copper pipe drive deep into her shoulder again. The pain that was screaming a few seconds ago was now searing as it pulsed from the point of impact, all the way down her arm to her fingertips, across her shoulder blades, up her neck and into her head. She squirmed to free herself of the sensation but instead of breaking the effect of the memory, the feeling became more acute as more pressure bore down on her. It felt like someone was driving their finger into the wound and –

"Stella! Wake up!"

She gritted her teeth to hold back the scream that was threatening to break from her lips and forced her lids open to find Piper's face looking down at her. And Piper's hand on her shoulder.

"Are you okay?" Piper asked and lifted the hand that was pressing down on Stella's wound to feel her forehead. "You don't look so good. You're all clammy and pale…"

The sudden release of pressure from the wound caused the tensed up muscles to shake with relief and it was a few seconds before Stella could gather enough composure to speak without giving herself away.

"Yeah, I just… I must be coming down with something," she mumbled with a hoarse voice, clutching the covers tighter over what she suspected must be a horror show after that aggressive wake-up call. The skinny blonde had some muscle on her.

"You should probably get yourself checked," Piper continued, forcing space for herself next to Stella so she could sit down. "Things could get out of control if you're contagious."

"Yeah, I'll do that." And then off Piper's expression, "Why are you looking at me like that? Did I grow horns in my sleep or something?" The woman was staring at her. A thousand thoughts seemed to be dancing behind her clear blue eyes.

A soft smile crept onto Piper's lips and her features softened as she lifted a hand to brush a stray strand of hair from Stella's face. An action that surprised the latter, who stiffened at the touch but didn't recoil from it, as she surveyed Piper with puzzlement.

"The past few weeks have been really rough and yesterday… Alex…" Piper drifted off and took a deep breath, letting it out slowly before she next spoke. "I'm so over it."

"O-over what?" Stella asked timidly, her mind racing to try and figure out what the hell was going on and also just wishing that the blonde would leave so she could clean herself up already.

"Life," Piper replied simply, still wearing the smile. It was static, as if painted there. "All of it. I mean, what the fuck are we even doing?"

Stella just looked at her without answering. She knew that an answer wasn't what her bunkmate was looking for. The image of grief came in different forms and this had to be what she was dealing with now. Sure it was a little on the creepy side but she was willing to ride it out if it meant getting rid of her sooner.

"I used to think that life was about meaningful connections, experiences that enrich your existence and finally… finally lead to some semblance of happiness… you know?"

"Piper, are you okay?" Stella asked slowly. She didn't look okay. The look in her eyes was manic and it was it wasn't creeping her out anymore. It was making her nervous.

"But, as it turns out," Piper continued, ignoring the question, "it's all just shit. All of it. People add meaning to things to feel like they're more. Like _they're_ meaningful. I'm one of those people. Or I used to be. I'm not anymore. I'm over it. That's what I'm over. The shit," she ended and fixed her eyes on Stella's face.

"Ooookaaay…"

"Life is life… and everything's random… and nothing means anything… so… what do we do?"

"I don't-"

"I'll tell you what we do," Piper interrupted. She was on a roll. "Whatever the fuck we want."

Stella didn't realize what was happening until after Piper's lips locked on hers but instead of the usual options of pushing her back or going with it, it was all she could do to keep from screaming as the blonde's hand came to rest on her shoulder again. Rest? She was really leaning into it; there was nothing restful about her touch. A moan escaped her that had nothing to do with pleasure or ecstasy and when Piper pulled away, her face was splattered with dazzling white stars as Stella tried to focus.

"There's no point in denying the thing that makes us human," Piper breathed the words and then stood up. "Meet me later."

"I – I don't think that's a good idea. You're obviously going through-"

"The greenhouse," Piper cut in and left the cube before Stella could make any other kind of response.

As soon as she was sure she was alone, Stella released a shaky breath and sucked another deep one in. She continued to breathe through the pain for a few more seconds, until her mind was ready to force her body to work through it. Throwing back the covers, she kicked her legs out and dropped them to the floor, the momentum pulling her upper body into a sitting position. She didn't have to look to know the picture was a grizzly one; she could feel the blood running down her arm. First things first, get cleaned up. Then she had to find something for the pain. Next was the phone call to get the ball rolling on her extraction. And then, if there was time… she would like to get better acquainted with Piper Chapman's new take on life.

 **Oitnb**

Nicky nipped inside the greenhouse, which didn't offer much change from the brisk early morning air. In fact, it seemed colder inside than it did outside. She rubbed her hands together before burying them deep inside the pockets of her brown coat courtesy of the DOC.

"What's in the bag?" her voice came out a bit cracked and Nicky realized it was the first time she'd spoken all day.

Red turned to face her and for a split second, a look of surprise flashed across her features before disappearing behind a stony expression.

"You shouldn't be here," she said, shifting the bag she was holding behind her back and out of Nicky's view.

"I asked you a question," Nicky pressed on. "What's so important to bring you out here before breakfast?" Red remained tight-lipped under the inquiry and Nicky knew that she'd get better results if she were questioning a rock. But she wasn't about to give up. She couldn't. "What did she ask you to do, Red? Please tell me you're not actually thinking of helping her."

The anger inside Nicky rose quickly because it had been bubbling under the surface since her chat with Piper the day before. Since she found out that the blonde had been orchestrating her own grand plans, while Alex was fighting for both their lives. She was angry. Angry at Piper but also angry at herself for making a stupid promise to a friend. A promise that she knew she would never break. And now because of that promise she was here. Pleading the case of someone she wanted to punch in the face.

"What does it matter to you?"

"What does it matter?! Red, this is crazy! This whole situation is fucked up and if you help her-"

"There's no reasoning with her. Not now."

"Would you just listen to me?! You can't let her go through with it. You gotta do something. Please," she begged. It wasn't anger anymore… it was desperation.

"You say that like there's something I can do to make this different. You look at her – look in her face and tell me what can be done to change her mind. She's losing someone she loves."

"If it were me-"

"It's not you. She's not one of my mine."

"But I am! _I'm_ asking you… begging you…" Nicky pleaded. And she wasn't doing it for Piper. Nothing she was doing was for her. She'd made a promise that she was determined to keep. Because of the person she made it to…

Red studied Nicky and the desperate look in her eyes drove the point home. She recognized it because she'd seen the same look on Piper's face when the blonde had first come to her for help. Piper wasn't the only one losing someone she loved. And what would she do if it were one of hers… if it were Nicky…

 **Oitnb**

Piper splashed her face with water and then cupped her hand under the faucet until it filled up. The cold liquid soothed as she gulped it down. That last wretch really took it out of her and her throat was raw from the effort of heaving on an empty stomach. The taste of bile still burned, despite the water and Piper eventually gave up. She lifted her face to meet her own glassy stare in the mirror. It's the long game – you have to commit, Piper told herself and sent up a silent hope that she'd reached the extent of this particular kind of commitment. Her insides squirmed with the thought of having to do much more. No, it was enough – it had to be enough to get Stella where she needed her, when she needed her. Once that was done, the rest would be easy. The rest… it was what was keeping her upright, keeping her mind from wondering too far… to Alex… Piper pressed her eyes tightly shut to stop the images that were threatening to assault her mind. She'd woken up with a bargain in her head. If Alex made it, she'd reconsider. If Alex didn't, well… And then she'd looked over to a sleeping Stella in her bunk. The covers were drawn back and even in the dim, gray light Piper could clearly see the slow formation of a seeping bloodstain on her shoulder. Caputo mentioned that Alex had most likely injured her attacker and she was looking straight at the proof. It explained the heavy hoodie and her waxen complexion. She was hurt and she couldn't fix it. That could only mean that she'd be more anxious to get out and that meant that Piper had less time than she first thought. She couldn't wait for Alex to be fine or not fine. The bargaining ended at that moment and a choice was made. A few deep breaths was all it took and when next she looked in the mirror, the whites of her eyes were white again and the blues were cold, crisp pools of calculation.

 **Oitnb**

"Have you heard anything?" Nicky asked as she walked up to the ladder that Piper was standing on while busying herself with the light fitting in the rec room.

"No," she replied shortly without stopping what she was doing.

"Have you asked?"

"I've been busy."

"Are you fucking kidding me?"

"I thought you were done with this whole thing so what are you doing here?" Piper took the time to look down at her then and Nicky just shook her head. "Look, Caputo said he'll let me know if-"

"This is Alex we're talking about!"

Nicky's outburst caused Piper to swallow the rest of her sentence and she pursed her lips tightly. It wasn't okay yet. Hearing her name… In her head it was bad enough; hearing it out loud was torture. She zeroed in on the light fitting again, forcing her focus to the most intense level she could physically manage in a bid to rid herself of the other stuff that was threatening to break through. Alex stuff. There was no room for it now. No time.

"Chapman!" Piper turned at the sound of her name and her heart dropped to her feet, the focus she'd been trying to keep, wavering and then fading entirely. "I was sure I'd find you banging down my door first thing this morning," Caputo said when he reached the two inmates in the middle of the room. Words were lost to both of them as they stared at him, mouths agape.

This is it, Piper thought. This is when he tells me she's dead. This is when he tells me she's alive. The moment I lose her… I'm fixing a light fitting in a prison… the moment I get her back… I'm fixing a fucking a light fitting in a fucking prison.

It's strange how the moments that change our lives – moments we remember forever – often happen in the midst of the achingly mundane. The meaningless made instantly meaningful by a word, a look, a touch, a death... Piper stared at him unblinking until her eyes burned. Her knuckles were white as she gripped the top of the ladder; knees locked, prohibiting the descent her heart was spurring on. It was like her mind was fighting the onset of reality. It didn't want to know. It was probably why she hadn't gone to find Caputo that morning. Beat down his door first thing. She didn't want to know…

"Do you mind coming down? I'm getting a crick in my neck from looking at you this way."

Piper studied his face to see if he was giving any silent clues to what he was about to say but her brain refused to follow any kind of coherent thought process, making the activity frustratingly worthless. A soft ringing started up in her ears and Piper felt her heartbeat drowning out any other sound with its incessant pounding. And then there was no-one else in that room with them. There was no ladder and no light fixture… or prison, or bags filled with drug money… only people who died even though you loved them and didn't want them to. She wasn't sure how it happened but when Piper's self-awareness returned, she was standing in front of Caputo, the blur of life around her slowly seeping back into her consciousness.

"Is she dead?" How many times had she asked that question in the past few hours? Dreading the answer each time…

"She made it out of surgery okay," Caputo said.

"Oh thank god," Nicky let out a huge sigh of relief and placed one hand on Piper's shoulder, partly as an act of comfort and partly to steady herself. It was funny how quickly knees became faulty in situations like these.

"She's stable but has a long road," he added.

Piper realized that the pounding that had started in her ears was because she wasn't breathing. She was waiting. Waiting for that sweet sense of relief to wash over her like it did Nicky. Waiting for her body to realize that Alex was okay. But there was no washing over of anything and her body was stubbornly refusing to let go of the giant knot in her stomach, the giant lump in her throat…

"The surgery took a lot out of her," he was still talking and Piper was still staring blankly at him, "and her injuries were pretty bad. The next few hours are critical. She was still asleep when I spoke to the doctor but I'll take you to see her if-"

"That's okay." Her mouth moved and words came out but her brain was nowhere near the scene of the crime. This was why the knot stayed put, the lump in her throat refused to go… Alex was out of surgery but she was not okay.

"What? Chapman-"

"Are you sure? I went to quite a bit of trouble arranging this seeing as you were so upset yesterday."

"I'll see her when she gets out. Thank you for the update," Piper replied, sounding a bit like a robot recording you'd hear on a call waiting line.

Caputo surveyed her with a bewildered expression before signaling his assent with a slight nod and then made his way out of the rec room.

"Mr. Caputo!" Nicky called after him. "Can I go? Can I see her?" But he barely turned around as he dismissed Nicky's desperate request with a wave of his hand before disappearing down the hall. She rounded on Piper then, eyes unabashedly ablaze with the tumult of emotions coursing through her veins. "What the fuck is wrong with you? Have you completely lost it? She's alone! The least you could do is show your pathetic face so she can see you're okay… hold her fucking hand for fuck's sake!"

Piper offered Nicky the same dead stare she gave Caputo a few seconds before. "I have to go," she said simply and followed Caputo's path out of the rec room, leaving a stunned and fuming Nicky in her wake.

 **Oitnb**

Piper weaved her way through the halls like someone on a magic cocktail of wonderful narcotics. Nicky didn't get it. Nobody did. The inimitable Alex Vause – the woman who kicked ass and took names like it was nobody's business – was lying broken on a hospital bed. There'd be pipes, machines… and the ever-present whisper of the unthinkable just around the corner. She couldn't do it. Seeing Alex like that might break her too and where would that leave them?

Piper blinked a few times fast, she didn't know when the tears had come but quickly swiped at her face to remove all evidence of them ever being there. The library. She allowed her feet to complete the subconscious journey they were on and walked in, strolling slowly along the aisles. It was quiet. Piper let the comforting smell and warmth fill her up and envelope the tautness she felt in every part of her body, where it worked to soften, slowly knead the knots, mend the fissures that were starting to gape and glare…

Her feet stopped once she'd reached the back of the room and Piper looked down the aisle. Alex. Her safe space was always inside a book. For her, that safe space was Alex. She went to the end of the aisle and sat down, resting her back against the wall. She didn't want to do it, because that would mean the unthinkable. But she was tired. Since their talk in the supply closet the day before, all her energy had gone into pushing Alex out of her mind. Solidifying her composure by keeping Alex at bay. But she was tired. And she missed her. Oh god how she missed her. She could feel it, warm and promising against her skin. She didn't want to do it. Piper lifted her shirt slightly and tucked her fingers under the waistband of her pants. This was Alex when she was still Alex and that's what she needed now. She allowed her fingers to close on the envelope that rested there and slowly lifted it out. Even though she might have meant it as such, this wasn't goodbye. Alex was fine. Goodbye was still a long ways off. No, this was a reminder of before… to remind her why she was doing this, why she _had_ to do it. Piper trailed a lazy finger across her own name and then flipped the envelope over quickly, ripping it open before any form of a second thought could disrupt her intentions. There. It was done. No turning back now. For a few seconds, while she made slow work of unfolding the note now in her hands, Piper became aware of the drumming in her chest. Mouth dry, hands trembling… and then a soft smile curved onto her lips as her eyes met the first words… this was Alex. This was Alex before… And then her heart slowed to a rhythmic beating and her hands were steady and her eyes… her eyes devoured the woman on the page in front of her, hungrily indulging in every letter, every punctuation mark… she could see the lips forming every sound and feel the whisper of every word as if she were right there…

 _Dear Pipes,_

 _So this is it. I don't know if having to write this letter is worse than having to read it and I guess I'll never know. A part of me is so fucking relieved because honestly, if I were on the other end of this, I don't know what I would do. Maybe that makes me a douche for putting you through this but this way I get to say what I need to say without having to see the look on your face when I do it._

 _All I ever wanted was to do right by you for the all the times that I didn't. But life has a way of fucking with our plans and so now we're here and this is hardest thing I've ever had to do. Harder than lying to you to protect you. Harder than walking into this thing knowing I might not make it out. Might never see you again. So I'm just going to get into it and it might not be the most poetic thing you ever read but it's me and that should count for something, right?_

 _I'll never regret the day I walked over to the pretty blonde sitting at the bar with the fake resume. That walk changed my life. You changed my life, Piper. Turned me into a stupid girl who loves. It wasn't always perfect and smooth sailing but it's a love that's always been constant. You're the best part of me, kid. I wish I'd told you that. I should have told you. And I wish this didn't have to be it – that I could freefall through life with you a little longer, make it out of this fucked up place and see and do everything with you. Everything we missed out on because time and life and we… we were too stubborn to think we'd reach the end of our chapter. At least I always thought ours was one of those never ending stories… full of twists and turns and fuck ups but always leading back to each other to start all over again._

 _But I guess a girl can't have everything, so now this is it for me. But not for you and I need you to listen to me for once in your life, okay? Don't ever stop. Be smart, get out of here and live your life and don't be shy about it. Really get in there, get dirty, have fun! And think of me sometimes, when you have a second. I don't know what's on the other side of this thing but I promise if there's even the slightest piece of me left out there, I'll be thinking of you. You're my favorite part of this crazy ride and no-one can take that from us, no matter what happens or how this ends._

 _I heart you, kid._

 _Alex_

 **Oitnb**

Piper wasn't sure how many times she'd read and re-read the note and cried and stopped and started again but it was well into the afternoon when she made her way to Caputo's office. Her heart was on fire and her brain was open and clear. She felt so light she was sure if her boots weren't so heavy, she'd float away. All because of Alex. Alex before. Losing touch with her had allowed a sickening darkness to creep into her but now… now that she knew Alex was out there, fighting to make her way back to her… She wlaked into the office without knocking.

"I've changed my mind. I want to see her." She had no control over it and wasn't even sure why it was there, but Piper felt a smile on her face. This must be it, she thought. The washing over of the relief that I didn't get earlier…

But there was something wrong with Caputo's face.

"I just got off the phone with Medical," he started. His voice was low and he spoke slowly.

Piper's feet were concrete bricks and relief… what relief? Her heart was in her throat, its thrumming deafening in her ears, making it impossible to swallow back the tears that were filling up her eyes. Is she dead, was the obvious question but her brain and mouth and lungs were nowhere near to fulfilling the deed of actually voicing it the way it had so easily done so many times in the past few hours.

"Her heart took a lot of strain from the surgery… I won't get into the details but it doesn't look good. I'm sorry."

"But… you said she was stable. What changed? What are the details?" Screw holding back tears and keeping it together and having to be strong because Alex…

"It means machines are breathing for her, keeping her alive. They're giving me some bureaucratic bullshit about resources... I tried, I swear I tried, but… they can't keep her on indefinitely."

What does that mean! Piper's brain screamed and her eyes implored but her mouth stayed shut to keep from being sick. She just got her back. How can that not be the truth anymore?

"Chapman, I'm sorry. If she doesn't show any improvement in the next few hours… they're turning off the life support. I'm sorry." He repeated. And he looked it. He sounded it. "I can get you in to see her but they won't give me more than a few minutes."

And then Plan A and Square One and Piper in the middle of it. She was standing there listening to someone tell her that she couldn't have the rest of her life with Alex. That Alex couldn't have the rest of her life at all. That the closeness she felt to her in the library just a few minutes before was only an illusion. And it was all her fault… Stella.

"How long does she have?" Piper choked the words out. Her throat was still closed up but she was slowly and surely dragging herself back to that place she needed to be, surrendering to the darkness as it closed in on her.

"They said they'll wait for midnight."

She'll have it done way before that. She'll get it done and then go to Alex. See her for the last time and give her the only thing she can to make it better. A peace of mind. If she was still in there…

"There's something I have to do," Piper spoke softly, the distant detachment already clear in her voice. "I'll come find you after…" she trailed away and Caputo nodded solemnly.

"There's something else," he said. "The cops have been questioning people about what happened. I had to tell them about your… friendship with the inm- with Vause. They'll probably be calling on you in the next couple of hours. I know you know something," he added, shaking his head. "It's in your best interest if you stop hiding and give them what they need to do this right. Whatever else… it's not worth it."

Piper nodded to show her understanding. She understood. Too much even. Hand Stella over to the cops so Kubra can help her slip away like he did in Chicago? No.

 **Oitnb**

A couple of hours?... More like as soon as she left his office. Piper didn't have much time to devise a game plan as the detective ushered her into the cold room and signaled for her to take a seat at the table across from them. She knew she had to get to Stella before visiting. Red was keeping an eye on her phone activity as well and would let her know as soon as Stella made any sign that she was reaching out to someone on the outside. Her minimal knowledge of these things, mostly fed by mafia movies and crime novels, told her that Stella would be looking to get the message to Kubra that she'd done what she'd been sent there to do and that would lead to him initializing a plan to get her out of the prison. In the movies it would involve a transfer to another facility, where the van gets ambushed en route and the prisoner escapes.

There was just over an hour to visitation and she tried to get through the expected _How long have you known Ms Vause_ , _What was the nature of your relationship_ and _Can you think of anyone who would want to hurt her_ as best and as succinctly as she could. The line of questioning surrounding Chicago, Alex's naming of Kubra and the extent of Piper's involvement in Alex's life when she worked for him was easy to navigate. All of it was already on paper and Piper knew the answers they were looking for off by heart – whether they were true or not. The mention of Lolly was the only time she was caught off guard. Inmates they had questioned alluded to something brewing between Alex and Lolly, between herself and Lolly and _Do you have anything to say about that,_ but Piper rebounded quickly. A part of her felt shame at leading them down that path but she felt that she'd been given a lifeline in the shape of the loopy transfer from Chicago and if it could buy her some time then why not? They'd eventually find nothing and the woman would be fine but for now, she and Alex were better off with them barking up the wrong tree.

By the time they let her go, Piper was confident that they were as far from the bottom of it as they were when they started, which gave her enough time to deal with Stella before… Turning off the machines, pulling the plug… when did this become reality? How could Alex – _her_ Alex… how could she be reduced to something as banal as an electrical problem? Why wasn't anyone fighting against the blatant injustice of it? Why wasn't the universe conspiring to fill her up and make her whole again because the world without her wasn't worth living in?

 **Oitnb**

"Holding up okay?" Morello asked as she appeared at Nicky's cube.

The latter was lying on her bed listening to music and at the sight of her friend, had pulled the buds from her ears but didn't sit up. She surveyed Morello for a moment and shook her head, no. Her response served as an invitation for Morello, who took it and made her way to Nicky's bunk. She lifted her legs and then sat down, placing them gently across her lap.

"The interview went okay," Morello said as she softly stroked Nicky's legs. The touch was calming, and Nicky accepted it without protest. "I said everything you told me to and it looked like they bought it. They called Soso in a few minutes ago, so let's hope she does the same."

"It's the waiting…" Nicky kept her gaze locked on the blank ceiling above her head. "It's killing me."

"She's a tough cookie, that Vause. We shouldn't count her out just yet."

Nicky knew she was trying to be comforting but after the rollercoaster day she'd had…

"Yeah, that's what I thought. Nobody takes down Alex Vause. But one minute Caputo's telling us she's fine and the next… Red says they're giving her til midnight." Her voice was thick with the tears she was holding in, letting them well up her eyes but not giving them the satisfaction of falling.

"Oh sweety, I know it's hard but we gotta stay positive. There's still time for her to…"

Nicky pushed herself up to sit, legs crossed and facing Morello. "I keep thinking I should've done something." That desperate tone, the desperately anguished tone, was back in her voice now.

"Nicky, there was-"

"No, I knew. I knew who it was, what she was doing to her… I knew and I did nothing."

"She told you to stay out of it. She didn't want-"

"She said the same thing to Chapman. To stay out of it. But look at her… and I was actually trying to stop her. When she's the one who's doing it right. Take her out. Fight."

"Nicky…" Morello didn't like the look in Nicky's eyes.

"I want her dead. Shit, if I thought I had it in me, I would kill her myself. And that's what's killing me. Because I know that when it gets down to it, I'll probably just flake out. Because that's what I do with everything that means anything in my life. I flake out. Alex is my friend and I should've protected her. But I couldn't do it. I chose to stay in the background and watch things fall to shit. But Chapman…"

"You really think she'll do it?"

"That girl has a way of losing touch with her brain. Remember Pennsatucky? She's definitely got it in her."

"But what if she gets caught? I don't like where this is going, Nicky."

"She won't get caught. Because she's not going to do it."

"I don't understand. You just said-"

"Look, I promised Alex I'd look out for her and as much as I don't want anything to do with her right now… I tried talking her out of it but it didn't work. I guess I knew that it wouldn't. And after this morning – I haven't seen her but I know Caputo must've told her about the change in Alex's condition. That's probably why I haven't seen her around."

"Oh god, you think she's doing it now?"

"We both know she's capable of it and that it's impossible to change her mind. She'd kill her if she got the chance. We just have to hope she doesn't get that chance."

"You're not making any sense. First you say she's going to do it, then you say she won't. Shouldn't we try to find her?"

"No."

"But-"

"I can't give you details just yet but… we have to wait."

"For news about Alex? For Piper to do something? Or not do something? What are we waiting for?"

Nicky fell back onto her pillow and stretched her legs over Morello again. "For someone to die. I just hope it's the right someone."

 **Oitnb**

Piper heard the metal door of the greenhouse open and close again with a grating noise but kept her back turned towards it. She slowly brought her hands to rest on the table in front of her, open and steady, her breathing even, her pulse a feint, rhythmic reminder of the life inside her. She wondered how she could have taken that for granted for so long. A heartbeat. She closed her eyes to it and felt as the mechanics of her body worked to keep her upright. Alive. Slow steps made their way closer to her, the mess of soil crunching under foot and Piper counted, as she had her own when she walked in a few minutes before. Then they stopped and Piper knew without having to see, just how far Stella was from her.

"So this is where the crazy kids come to get their game on," Stella's voice drawled behind her. Despite trying to come off as light and playful, Piper couldn't miss the hint of uncertainty in her tone.

"You have no idea," Piper said. A deep breath to pull it all together, a silent prayer to bite the bullet when it was needed, and when she turned to face her, she was the picture of calm and collected, giving no sign of the fire raging wild and rampant inside her.

Maybe she was too committed to the whole straight-faced composure thing because Stella surveyed her questioningly, eyes narrow as she studied the blonde. Piper silently cursed herself, beckoning her body to promptly disengage from her brain and her heart, and just do the thing she needed it to do.

"Look, I know this isn't easy," Stella spoke, closing the distance between them with slow, measured steps. "You can't make sense of anything. You're hurting and you think that this will make it go away," she lifted her hand and gently brushed the back of her fingers against Piper's cheek. The latter didn't cringe or stiffen or throw up in her face. Her body had listened. She dropped her lids as she leaned into the touch. "But we don't have to… if you need to talk…"

Piper lifted her gaze to Stella then. She was right in front of her now. She took a deep breath and opened up. For the first time since the blaring alarm made her hit the floor in the cafeteria, Piper released the meticulous hold she'd been nursing and felt her body spring to life as the gamut of pent up emotions started its unchecked course through her entire being.

"You know what, I think you're right. Let's talk."

Her blood became fire in her veins that burned as it rushed to awaken every part of her. Her skin became flushed, every muscle tense and straining beneath it. Straining as it waited for her next command. Straining and ready.

"Did you really think that after everything you put her through," she began, working hard to keep her voice even, the exertion of holding back etched in every line on her face. "…after she kept her mouth shut about you. For me." She noticed a look of confusion flicker across Stella's face. Here we go. "After she drew you out and tried to stop you. For me." And then realization dawned – she was actually surprised. The look of it was so sweet it spurred Piper on even more. "Did you really think that once she was gone, it would all just be okay? For you I mean this time." Stella took a step back but Piper followed, refusing to give up the close proximity.

"Ah, and you brought me here to what? Teach me a lesson?" Stella scoffed, already replacing her surprise with the charmed composure she usually exuded. "You think I can't handle you?"

"If you'd asked me that yesterday I wouldn't have been sure. Now though…" Piper lashed out for Stella's injured shoulder, grinding her thumb into the flesh underneath it. The way the woman's face instantly pulled into a grimace of pain as the one side of her body dipped to get away from the unwelcome intrusion told Piper that she'd hit the right spot. She released her hold and watched as Stella's hand shot up to cover the wound.

"It doesn't matter," she said through gritted teeth. "You can take my whole arm and I'll still take you. Because you're nothing. Standing in front of me here like this, with her out of the picture… you're nothing."

Piper clenched her jaw, balled fists trembling at her sides. Why was she even listening to this bitch? Why was she even waiting?

"You know, he told me about you. Said that you'd be a quick way to get to her. And he was right. I saw it early on. The two of you are something else. Were, I mean."

"Shut the fuck up," Piper spat the words, her anger boiling over at Stella's reference to them in the past tense.

"And maybe I was stupid to mess around with her as long as I did but I was curious," Stella pressed on, seeing the effect her words were having on Piper. All she needed was to shake her up just enough to take her down a notch or two. Then her lame arm wouldn't even be necessary.

"Curious about what?" Piper asked, not entirely sure why she was entertaining the woman but not being able to stop herself either.

"I was sent here for you, Piper." Stella smiled at the puzzled expression on Piper's face. "Yeah, shocker, I know. But Kubra knew what he was doing. Taking Alex out was too clean for him. He wanted her to suffer. But Alex Vause is a brick wall; there isn't much that can break her."

"He told you about me…" Piper echoed Stella's earlier words softly. "He sent you to kill me." Because that would kill Alex. It would kill her every day that she lived. Piper knew the feeling.

"So I got a little carried away because like I said, I was curious. I wanted to know whether it was real… whether the thing that would ruin Alex would ruin you too."

"I think the fact that we're standing here answers that for you," Piper said in a strained tone.

"Answers my question but still a stupid move. You could've walked out of this unscathed seeing that Alex-"

"You think I'm unscathed?" Piper cut in, her feet closing more of the distance between them even though she didn't tell them to.

"It's a shame. I actually like you," Stella said and Piper stumbled back, arms flailing for something solid to grab onto to keep from crashing all the way down to the ground. Only when she looked up and saw stars dancing in front of her eyes did she realize that she'd been socked one – the growing ache in her jaw signaling the point of contact.

Stella rubbed the knuckles on her right hand, a sickening smirk curled onto her lips. Piper glowered at her, hungry for the chance to wipe that smile from her face. She thinks she's winning. She thinks she's already won. Piper pulled her legs beneath her to steady her weight in a crouch. She knew she could depend on her legs because of years of running and she could depend on herself to get to the other side of this because everything inside of her had been swallowed up by black and anger and there was nothing good or merciful or rational left. All that was left was the thing itself: killing the woman that turned her into this thing.

 _Sometimes you gotta rage in order to move on._ Of course Alex would be there.

Piper dug deep and used everything she had to push up off the ground, lunging at Stella with arms outstretched. The brunette staggered back as Piper dived into her, arms around her waist, using her full weight to take her down. They both crashed to the ground and Piper quickly righted herself, straddling a squirming Stella under her. She pulled her right hand back and a second later her fist met the woman's face with a dull thud. And then again. And again. Piper was vaguely aware of random punches being aimed at her sides and her chest but she felt nothing except a seething fury that was boiling and bubbling up in her throat, coming out in thick, raspy grunts every time her fist made contact with Stella's face. And then she closed her hands around her throat and pressed down hard. She could feel the life under her fingers, pulsing rapidly, the muscles in the neck straining against the hold she had on them. And all Piper wanted in that moment was to feel that life stop. To see the light in the eyes in front of her fade and die. She tightened her death grip and brought her face right up to Stella's. Stella, whose desperate flailing had waned to misaimed clawing and random bucking of her hips to free herself from the suffocating weight on top of her.

"Look at me," she commanded and Stella's wild eyes, obeyed, finding hers almost instantly. "This is not a warning. This is not a message to Kubra. You're not walking out of here. This is for Alex." Piper lifted Stella by the neck and then slammed her head back down. It hit the floor under it with a loud crack. Piper closed the chokehold even more, all the time keeping her eyes locked on Stella's. Anger, hurt, surprise, fear… the soft blues became their playground and Piper enjoyed the show. She felt the hips beneath her start up again. Her final fight. But there was something different about it.

Her brow furrowed as she studied Stella's face. The blues were gone. Rolled back in the sockets that were now cased in by fluttering lids. The clawing hands were not clawing anymore. They were doing a crazy dance on the floor beside her, twitching and jerking. In fact, her whole body was twitching and jerking. And her mouth. A cry of horror escaped Piper's lips and she recoiled from the contorted face in front her.

She heard the metal door of the greenhouse open and close with a grating noise…

"Get up, honey," Red said softly as she made her way to Piper.

"Wh-? What are you-" All kinds of thoughts hurtled around in her head but none of them explained what was going on at that moment. She felt strong hands under her one arm and then she was being pulled up and off of Stella.

"You need to clean up. There's a change in that bag over there," Red said and pointed to the far corner of the room. Piper's eyes fell on a brown sack partly hidden by unused pots and a bag of soil. She looked down and saw little spatters of blood on her shirt. And then her gaze found its way back to Red.

"You… what did you do?!" The question ripped itself out of Piper's chest in a growl as she slowly started to realize what she was dealing with. The Russian's face remained stolid in her silent response. "What did you do?!" It came again and it was a cry and a scream all at the same time. The tumult of emotions that was driving her into Stella, that was closing the grip on her throat, it now had nowhere to go. But Piper was too far gone to tuck them neatly away again and so they were there. They were there with nowhere to go because Red… And so they became words. Words and anger and tears. "She was mine! This – this was _mine_! You had no right! No right! What did you do?!" Piper's voice trailed away as ragged sobs took over her brain's need for speech.

"What you needed me to," Red said simply, her eyes filled with sad understanding as she watched Piper.

"Bullshit! I didn't ask for this. I didn't want-"

Piper looked down at Stella who was now lying motionless on the ground. Tiny white bubbles foamed around her mouth and her face – the one that was screwed up in terror and pain a few seconds ago – was deadly calm. Dead. Calm. The blues of her eyes were back. Back and unseeing. Dead. And Alex… Piper's legs disappeared and she slumped to the ground at Red's feet, her lungs fighting for every breath, her eyes burning with tears they'd been refused so many times before, her body wracked with every moment she would never get to have, every word she would never get to say... This was supposed to be hers. She was supposed to make it okay again. It was supposed to make her okay again…

"Shhhh…" The sound was like a whisper from the ocean a million miles away and Piper felt a touch of comfort stroke her head. "You need to get up, honey. You need to get up and go. Now. I'll finish. You need to go."

 **Oitnb**

The sun was singing its last hurrah, staining the sky a burnt orange red. Piper forced her gaze away from it to focus instead on Caputo's back as he silently led the way and she silently followed. There had been no questions about her red eyes and swollen face. She was careful about the placement of her hands, clasping them behind her back or hiding them with her arms folded across her chest, so there could be no questions about her bruised knuckles either. She didn't even have to speak and thank god for it because there was no voice left after… thank god she didn't have to speak. She'd showed up at his office. He'd acknowledged her silent request with a silent nod and then rose from his desk. And now they were here. The air in the clinic was colder, deader than the fall chill steadily taking over outside. Piper found it fitting. She watched Caputo walk up to the nurse at the front desk. The last time they were here she was stuck to him like glue, eager to hear everything they had to say about… her. Now though, she was happy to hang back. Keep her distance. She couldn't not look though. That she couldn't bring herself to do. The intensity of his face combined with the terse, hushed tone he used when he spoke, caused the knot in Piper's stomach to writhe and constrict. The nurse looked over to her and that expression… it reminded her of the one on Red's face in the greenhouse. Like the one Morello wore when she'd passed her in the hallway on their way down here. The one she'd probably be getting all the time now. It finally gave her what she needed to look away and Piper dropped her eyes to the floor. A few seconds passed and the beige tiles were replaced by unevenly polished and relatively worn out loafers.

"You have five minutes," Caputo said, the apology clear in his tone.

Piper nodded slightly without looking up and kept her eyes on the loafers as they moved from there spot, turned and walked forward, seemingly leading her to… where she was supposed to go. And then they stopped. Stepped aside. And a threshold came to view. A threshold into a room. A room with Alex in it. For a few hours more anyway. Caputo cleared his throat softly. He's telling me to go in. I have five minutes.

If there was anyone else in there at the time, Piper couldn't tell. Her eyes were locked on the one bed that mattered to her. It was just like she thought it would be. Monitors, pipes, machines… Her eyes sifted through the mess of technology – all the advancements that were supposed to save lives – until she found the person whose life it was not saving. This is a mistake, was her first thought. He brought me to the wrong room. This is not my Alex. It was not at all how she thought it would be. Clearly she had no idea what broken or bruised looked like because her imagination had been terribly kind with the picture it had drawn. Piper pulled up a chair, most likely placed there for this visit, and sat down at her bedside. And then her hand found the thing it wanted most. The perfect, milky skin was no longer perfect or milky but when Piper slid her hand into Alex's she instantly felt it. The touch was the same. Warm and soft. It was still Alex. Her thumb gently stroked the bruised flesh beneath it, absently tracing small patterns as Piper allowed her gaze to move up to Alex's face. She looked like she could be asleep. In a world where people had purpley-blue blotches on their skin and pipes coming out of their mouths. But still, asleep. So this was it. Soon the life of Piper Chapman would be irrevocably split into Before and After. She'd been to Before – in the library, with the note – and it had lifted her up and given her hope and then it was gone because of Now and fucked up procedures and limited resources. She'd visited with After – with Stella, trying to make things right – and then it was gone because of Now and Red refusing to let her go too far. There was no place for her in the past and she wasn't allowed to look ahead. Her whole life was constantly working to keep her where she was, in the moment of Now. And this moment… now… was Alex.

"I hate you." The words left her mouth and Piper was surprised to find that she meant them. She meant them and she was angry. "I hate you for not letting me help you. I hate you for not being strong enough to fight her off. I hate your heart for not being able to deal with a simple. fucking. surgery. Because now you have to go. And I only have five minutes to say everything I've ever wanted to say to you and this is all your fault. So you have to wake up. So you can make it right. Because I can't… because I love you. I love you, Alex, and I don't want you to go."

The last words left her with everything she had left – every hope, fear, prayer, wish – and Piper slumped forward, resting her head on the bed beside Alex's hand, still clasped tightly in her own. She felt the linen beneath her cheek grow warm and damp from the silent tears that settled there. And she didn't move. And she didn't say another word. And even though she only had five minutes, Piper knew that it was much, much longer than that before Caputo's hand finally came to rest on her shoulder.

 **Oitnb**

"Nicky," Piper whispered into the darkness in the general direction of Nicky's bunk. She was on her knees in the cube, and watched the motionless bundle on the bed intently. It remained motionless. "I know you're awake. Can you just… I don't want to be alone."

"Screw you." The command came out from under the covers, all muffled but dripping with disdain.

"What?"

"If you don't get out of here right now, I swear to god I'll fucking scream."

Piper shrunk back from the faceless words that shot at her through the darkness. She wasn't sure of the exact time but the restlessness she felt was in her bones. It had to be close. Any time now. Stella's empty bunk mocked her mercilessly in her own cube. She couldn't be there. The marching on of the unforgiving night brought her closer to the moment when… She couldn't bear it.

A missing inmate at the last count had brought on the second lock down in as many days. Caputo had called Piper's absence in – due to special circumstances, she'd heard him say – and when she got back, it was to a deadly quiet dorm. She consciously avoided looking over at Red when she walked in and spent the next few hours sitting on her bed, staring at Stella's empty one. She didn't think she'd be able to do it – walk away from Alex – but she did. Because once she lifted her head from that hospital bed there was nothing left. Her mind was a blank. Her senses were dulled to the point of numb unconsciousness. If she were alive at all it was only in the most basic biological sense. Beating heart and a brain that held on to its procedural memory enabling her to put one foot in front of the other when she needed to, to make her lungs take in and expel its breath as required. Anything else, everything else… was gone.

Until now. Still in the same position she'd taken when first arriving in her cube, Piper came back to herself. It happened with a flash of blazing green, as if from nowhere, illuminating the darkness in front of her eyes. _I'm glad we have each other in here, kid._ And that was all it took. Her lungs suddenly forgot what they were supposed to do and she found herself gulping at the darkness in a desperate bid to make them remember. But it was too late. The black that enveloped her did not belong to the night. It was a fellow compatriot of that evil thing called Panic, the dependable neighbor of Anxiety. And together they made a formidable team that rendered the blonde a helpless, trembling mess. With no choice but to ride it out, Piper waited and as soon as the cube, the dorm, the normal darkness returned to her, along with control over her body, she fell to the floor and made her way to Nicky. She couldn't do it alone.

Slinking out of Nicky's cube like a wounded animal, Piper stood up straight between where she needed to be and where she couldn't be, no longer caring if she were spotted by one of the COs. No longer caring about any of it.

"You're looking for trouble, Chapman." Piper instantly recognized the Russian accent even as it came to her in a thick whisper.

She turned around and walked to her cube. Alex's bed, neatly made and starkly empty found her unwilling gaze in the darkness. Red was lying in her bed, silently watching her. They hadn't so much as looked at each other since the incident in the greenhouse and Piper wasn't ready to change that just yet. The incident. In this case the spade was much better off being called by a different name. Piper moved slowly toward the empty bed and lay down on her back, settling her head gently on the pillow beneath it. As in her own cube, it was deathly quiet and painfully dark but here it wasn't half as bad because she wasn't alone. And better than that, her company was an accomplice, which brought with it a sense of kinship that served to comfort Piper.

"Was it poison?" she whispered to the ceiling, hoping its answer would come from the only other human in there with her. But it didn't. Piper knew it was a long shot from the start, so didn't bother pressing for one. It happened and it was done. There was nothing else to talk about. "Thank you." And even though her words were met with the same kind of silence as before, Piper knew that they were heard and acknowledged.

Dark and quiet. It stayed that way for more hours than she had lived her whole life and when the dorm finally awoke with yawns and groans and shuffling movements, Piper's eyes were wide and dry, as they had been since first laying down on Alex's bed. Movement at the entrance to the cube called her attention from the ceiling above and Piper's gaze fell on Nicky, looking sleepless and worn out, her hair a clear indicator of the amount of tossing and turning she'd accomplished during the night. Her eyes were downcast as she stood there and there were no words. None were needed. Piper sat up with some effort. Her body was stiff from staying in the same position for so long. She turned to rest her back against the wall and waited. Nicky walked in and sat down beside her, wrapping her arms around drawn up knees. The two of them sat and stared straight ahead. Red seemed to be sleeping the soundless sleep of a baby, facing the wall on the other side.

"It's weird," Piper spoke first. "Everything is still the same even though nothing is."

"I'm sorry."

"Me too."

Soso appeared at the entrance to the cube, eyes wide in alarm. She stood there looking at Nicky and Piper looking at her, in that wordless way that the other two understood only too well. A moment later, Morello was standing there too and as if sensing the audience, Red finally shifted in her bunk. She turned over and an expression of confusion clouded her features as her eyes moved from the two new arrivals to Nicky and Piper. For a few seconds she didn't know where she was or what was going on but then it was gone and replaced by realization as she remembered where she was and what was going on. Her eyes rested on Piper, who met them with her own for the first time since the greenhouse. Yes, Red, they said. It's tomorrow. Midnight has come and gone and for some reason the world is still turning.

"What the hell is this?" Caputo's voice boomed, echoing in the still sleepy and quiet dorm.

Morello and Soso jumped at the sound, moving further into the cube to make way for him. There was an air of defeat about them as they waited, knowing what he was there to do and not wanting to hear it because hearing it would make it all real.

"Can I talk to you?" he asked Piper.

She nodded yes, but remained seated. Whatever he needed to say needed to be heard by them all and she would much rather have it said there, in front of all them than have to repeat the words herself after. If there would even be an after...

Caputo nodded his acknowledgment of her silent request and then he spoke and Piper could swear that out of the six people in that cube, he was the only one breathing. "They didn't turn off the machines at midnight," he started and if she was looking, Piper would see her puzzlement reflected on the four other faces as well. But it didn't last long because of what he said next: "They turned it off at ten." It was like a hammer straight to the chest. "She just wasn't showing any improvement and the doctor didn't see the point…" his voice trailed away but there was something happening to his face. She was just about ready to jump out of her skin, to jump up and grab hold of him and shake him to get whatever it was he was trying to say to fall out of his mouth already. She's gone. She's dead she's gone just say it. Say it for god's sake say it. "They don't know how… they can't explain it… but she made it through the night." That's what was happening to his face. It was breaking into a smile.

"What?" Nicky's mouth managed to say it thank god because nobody else could get it out.

"She's breathing on her own, her vitals are way up… everything looks – the worst is over, Chapman. She's going to be okay."

"But… how?" This time it was her own voice she heard. So her brain was still capable of some kind thought after all.

"They have no clue but does it matter?" No, Mr. Caputo, no it doesn't. "They've been monitoring her since last night and she's doing great, getting stronger by the minute."

There were relieved gasps and cries of oh thank god and I can't believe she made it and Piper was suddenly being strangled by Nicky's arms and drowning under the tears that her friend was shamelessly spilling into her neck. She watched as Caputo tried to fight off the elated hugs from Soso and Morello and once he succeeded, they fell onto each other. She looked through the bush of strawberry blonde hair obscuring her vision to find Red, sitting on her bed across from her. The woman offered Piper a slight nod and a smile that she returned easily. It was over. Finally it was over and this was it. The beginning of After… with Alex still there. She fought and she made it and she was going to be okay.

 **Oitnb**

Piper knew that it was the same room as the one she'd been in the day before but everything about it looked different. Yesterday the room was stark and cold and smelled eerily of life on its way out. Today the walls were painted a brighter shade, the floors shone brilliant and clean, the smell of fresh linen created an inviting warmth about the place. The bed was still the same bed – the only one she was interested in – and it still held the same person but today there were no monitors, or pipes, or machines because today that person was no longer dying. Piper stopped a few feet from where Alex lay sleeping, her head tilted slightly to the side as she watched her. To think, a few hours ago she was certain she'd never see that face again and now…

"You just going to stand there with that stupid smile on your face?"

Her throat was dry and raw so it came out all hoarse and choked up but the sound of it was like music to Piper's ears, whose face instantly broke into the widest grin as she went to her. The purple bruises around her eyes and on her cheeks made the bright green of her eyes pop and for a second the sight of it was so jarring that Piper thought _she_ might need a ventilator.

"Hi," Piper spoke softly as her hand found Alex's, relishing in the touch that was unmarred by needles and pipes. It was all her… just Alex.

"You look like shit." Alex's voice was low and she spoke with effort, indicating the amount of pain she was still in. But she was speaking. She was alive.

Piper effortlessly pulled off bursting into tears while simultaneously snorting out a laugh and as giddy as it made her to hear Alex's voice, the same could be said for the latter, who closed her eyes to the sound of it, a soft smile on her face.

"It's so good to see you. Awake. And not dying."

"Dying? When was that ever happening?"

"Uh, let's see… the few times your heart stopped, when they wanted to turn the machines off because you weren't-"

"Please, I was just keeping you on your toes. Sorry, kid, but you're not getting rid of me that easily."

"Thank god. I don't want to be rid of you."

"That's what you say now. But when these bruises clear up and I'm left with a bunch of scars…"

"Scars are badass. I love scars. And I love you." Piper lifted her free hand to gently stroke the hair framing Alex's face, a touch that the brunette leaned into. "I thought I'd never see you again." Piper's features were suddenly darkened as her mind insisted on taking her back to the events of the last few hours.

"What's wrong?" Alex asked, but the blonde stayed silent while her brain scrambled to find the best way to answer her. "What is it, Piper?" All jokes aside now. On the brink of death, in a world of hurt and I still can't get anything past her, Piper thought.

She took a steadying breath before: "She's gone."

She watched Alex's face as the woman deliberated over her words. The soft, serene expression had been replaced with hard lines of concern, a taut jaw and furrowed brows. Shit, the last thing she wanted was to upset her in her fragile state. She should've just kept her mouth shut. Let Alex regain her strength and give her the news once she gets out. Well, it was too late now.

"What did you do?" It came out in a whisper, one that was loaded with fear.

"I didn't… I wanted to… but…" Another deep breath, slowly in… slowly out… the whole time keeping Alex's gaze. "Alex, what she did to you… she deserved to die."

"You don't just kill someone, Piper. Especially if that someone is connected to –" It was early days; she couldn't say the name.

"I know. You have to be smart about it and I was. I had a plan. I had help."

"You told someone about her? Piper, who did you-"

"It's okay, shhhh, don't upset yourself. It's okay." Piper brushed her fingers lightly across Alex's cheek and the action immediately soothed her. It soothed them both. "I'll tell you everything as soon as you-"

"Tell me now. I want to know now."

"We need to focus on getting you better, Al."

"I'm fine. I'm calm. Just please, tell me."

Piper considered her options for a few seconds but they all came back to the bottom line: Alex wasn't going to let her walk away without giving her what she wanted to know. She nodded her acquiescence and when she started to speak, she watched Alex's face intently, promising herself to quit at the first sign of distress. But her face remained calm and she listened without interrupting. Every now and then Piper felt the grip on her hand tighten and then relax again, but that was the extent of the reaction Alex gave her. She started slowly, recounting what happened since Alex had left her in the supply closet but also what she had been planning by herself since she got out of SHU, and as she got further into it, the words came easier and the story practically spilled out of her. The effect was instant – Piper felt like a boulder had been lifted off her chest. Not only because she was finally letting out everything she'd had to hold in all this time but because she was finally speaking to the one person in the world she most wanted to. Her safe place. She was light as air and her heart was full and Alex…

"Jesus."

"Yeah, pretty much."

"I didn't think you had it in you."

"I probably don't," Piper replied honestly. "But the thought of you… not having you… I guess that put it in me. For a while it was there… I felt it."

"So what happens now?"

"Now? Now we steer clear from drama for, I don't know, the next forty years."

Alex started to laugh but it quickly became a grimace of pain and she clutched at her ribs, while she breathed through her body simmering down. Her eyes still held the smile though, and Piper drank up the sight of it. She stood up and leaned over Alex, putting her hands on either side of her to hold her weight. And when Piper's lips touched hers, Alex openly accepted it. She lifted both her hands to hold the blonde's face as she deepened the kiss, and Piper let her, both of them wanting everything they missed and more – a profound gesture, a promise, to take the time that was given back to them and make it count.

"Thank you for not dying." Piper laid the whisper on still wet lips as their foreheads came together.

"You're welcome," Alex replied with a smile, before reclaiming Piper's mouth again.

This was it. The beginning of their new chapter and she was sure that After would be a lot easier to navigate seeing what Before had put them through. They made it to the other side, learned their lessons, and although they both carried their demons, they wouldn't be doing it alone.

FIN


End file.
